Life Update: 4th Sold Out Nozfest, Amazing Friends, Perfect Normality and Growth

It’s around that time of year again when I do a life update! I think the last one was back in April, and I can tell you a lot has changed since then… but in a good way!
I feel like I have grown so much this year, I feel like I’m growing into more of the person I am going to be as a fully fledged adult, if that makes sense. I feel so grounded within myself these days that I feel a bit more confident to aim for some of the goals I used to have. Anyway before I give out too many spoilers…. keep on reading to find out more!

Focusing on myself
We all need to take some time for ourselves sometimes. Right now, I feel like that is something I need to do. How I’m going to do it, I’m not entirely sure yet, but I think it could do me a lot of good!
I know I definitely need to change the way I use social media. I want to draw back from it quite a lot, figure out exactly what I’m using it for. I want to use it in a more positive way, but I also want to be able to share some fond memories too.
I almost feel like I want to be completely alone, but I of course don’t ‘really’ want that. I just need to focus on myself, as plain and simple as that is. I’m trying to spend a lot less time on my phone as well, it’s proving hard to do, but I know I need to stay away from it.
I think that my perception of the world would become a lot more positive if I work on myself and the mindset I’m currently in. However, in recent times I have come to the realisation of just how much my festival actually saves me mentally. I think that’s all I’m going to be able to say on this bit…

Rats
Can you believe they are around 18 months old now! They’re growing up fast… they are still the cheekiest little angels ever though.
Unfortunately I found a little lump on my girl Dotty during the week of Nozfest. I took her to the vet because it’s very important to act sooner rather than later with rats, and things can happen rapidly/over night. As the vet put it, it’s more likely to be something sinister – but luckily it hasn’t grown, it’s half a centimetre and it’s attached to the skin (so it’ll be easier to remove if needs be) and it has in no way affected her quality of life… so for the time being she is totally fine! Just got to keep my closest eye on her and of course give her all the love she can possibly get. We don’t get long enough with rats, so make the most of it.
I’m such a proud little rat mum too, and I am so very passionate about the care for those animals. I want them to live their best rat lives whilst they are under my care, and I do everything I can to research and be the best I can be for them. I do actually get a bit upset when I see people just not really follow any form of basic rat care, and just ‘assume’ rats are like hamsters and rabbits and just go with anything they can find in pet stores. I try so hard to not care, but I love rats so much it does hurt my heart. However, I do need to learn that you can only lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink from the river. I mean in some cases you can’t even do either haha,

Nozfest
As weird as it sounds, this was the first Nozfest I actually got to attend! I can safely say Nozfest is a banging festival! Haha, I never knew what it was like before because I’ve always been busy running around, speaking to bands, upstairs, downstairs, filming, checking up on things, I’ve never been able to fully immerse myself. However, my amazing team has absolutely perfected the system that we have now and I got to actually see what Nozfest is like for everyone else. Bloody brilliant really, what a lovely festival… and I mean that genuinely, not in a big headed way, I mean it as if it wasn’t my own (like I said, I’ve never really attended).
Anyway, Nozfest 2023 went so much better than expected! I don’t know what I was expecting, but I definitely didn’t see it going without a hitch. It was just the most perfect day, and I think all the photos really capture that. All the bands were on top of their game, each one giving such a fantastic performance. Everyone was just so lovely, it was an actual pleasure to work with all those amazing artists. My family even came down to see the event, which has literally never happened. Not too sure what they made of it, but to be honest I’m happy my Mum finally came along after all these years. Dad is always there of course and he seemed to have a pretty good time. Oh and I can’t forget my friends! ALL my friends were there, gosh I was living my best life. I actually got to enjoy the day with my friends. Usually they don’t get to see me.
Let’s just say it was such a great day that it made me really want to pull out all the stops for 2024 ❤

New Friends
I have friends! I mean I’ve always had friends, but I mean I’ve made some new ones and even regained a few old ones. They are all so friggin awesome, I appreciate them so much. I just love the fact that despite what we do outside of our day to day lives, we are so down to earth and just normal people. I massively appreciate how supportive they all are, but also how down to earth they are too. None of them pretend to be something they are not or big up my ego (not that I have one at all) or try and make me feel small or bad by making digs. They are just happy for me and are happy to see me do okay. I feel the same towards them too! I love seeing them all be happy and accomplish all the things they want, whether that’s a new career or starting a family… I’m just happy for them, and I wouldn’t dream of being unkind to them. I feel very lucky to have the friends that I do right now, I feel I’ve finally got the perfect mix. I have new friends who I’ve always wanted to be friends with, and it turns out they are the loveliest kindest people, I’ve reconnected friendships and it’s like no time has passed at all, but we’ve realised how much we’ve missed each other. And I also still have friends who have known me way before ‘Nozfest’ and all the other things, and they still see me as the person they’ve always known. ❤

New things
In my last life update I would’ve most likely indicated that I would’ve been starting a new job. Well, I have been there 3 months now and I won’t lie, it is the best job I have ever had! I am so happy there. I still feel like the new girl, and I’m a bit shy but I’m really enjoying being part of that team. I actually don’t mind going to work, I’m not grumpy, I’m not tired, I’m not irritable, it’s so lovely to go to work and do the job and come back home. I’ve always wanted to work at this place as well, and I’m so glad the stars aligned for me to get this position. I’m really looking forward to seeing what the future holds and just making new work friends and getting better at my job.
There are going to be some changes to what I am currently doing musically, I’m not going to say anything yet just in case I change my mind haha! I have lost quite a lot of confidence over the years, but I want to push myself to where I should be, and as nervous as I am… I’m also quite excited to see what happens when I push through.
I’ve also shortened my booking agency roster by quite a lot. I only have 3 bands on there now. I’ve given it a good go, and I’ve come to the decision that it isn’t really something I enjoy or feel like I am good at. I feel like I am much better at putting on my own shows and working with bands that way than I am trying to get gigs for bands if that makes sense.

The Rolling Stones
No, I haven’t seen them live! However, I have visited Carnaby Street a few times since my last life update. If I spoke about it in the previous one then I apologise but… unless you’ve been to the Carnaby Street store, then you don’t get how exciting it is; especially for a long time die hard fan like myself! I would live there if I could.
Anyway, I have treated myself to a few things that I have always wanted. The best feeling is actually purchasing them with your own money as well. They’d be absolutely incredible gifts, but I think the fact I bought them myself with my own money just adds to the ownership and the feeling of possessing such things.
The first thing I got myself on my first ever visit, was a genuine sheep leather jacket, which is limited edition and has some very fancy lining as well as a very vibrant Stones lick on the back. I have wanted a proper leather jacket since forever, and when I saw that the Stones had brought out their own line I was desperate to make one of those mine! Finally, I was able to see for myself and I just knew I had to get my hands on one, so I did. I love it so much, I cannot wait to wear it more often and it’s also going to be great for both hot and colder weather so it’s definitely going to get some good use out of it. Luke from Beth Blade even wore it onstage for a bit, which is awesome!
Secondly, I bought myself a limited edition of Ronnie Wood’s iconic painting “Wild Horses II” print. Wasn’t expecting to do that on my second visit, but I also never expected to actually be able to own one myself. I cannot explain how much I love that artwork, ever since I saw it in its full glory it took my breath away. I’m not one for artwork admittedly, of course I’m always going to want something from Ronnie Wood’s collection, however this piece is something incredibly special. The horses are absolutely beautiful, they are elegant and stunning, the band look iconic and I LOVE the fact the audience is blocked out in glitter and you can see different parts of the stage and horses through their phones. LOVE IT! I’m so happy that it was something I bought with my own money, and I am never going to let anyone make me feel bad for getting things for myself that I love. Why not? Why should I feel bad or be made to feel bad?

Changes…
I feel l’m going through a lot of growth as a person. It’s a little bit daunting, but also I’m pretty ready for it and I want to accept it with open arms and see what sort of person I’m about to grow into.
I have a new admiration for ‘normality’. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being normal or wanting normal in life. Sometimes we have such busy, hectic, ‘different’ lives and sometimes it’s just nice to be able to do what everyone else really does, which is sit down, watch TV, eat some food they enjoy and chill out. I love being with my friends and going to coffee shops and talking about ‘normal’ things like the weather, boys, working, random gossip etc, I don’t want to sit there and chat about my festival and my work with bands, I like to have that private. I enjoy that sort of normality so much, I’ve done the whole going out drinking thing, pretend to be ‘well known’ and have an attitude… I don’t want that anymore. I want to feel happy and relaxed and at ease.
I want to be surrounded by grounded people, and make some really pleasurable memories. That’s why I love my friends so much, because they genuinely love me for who I am on the inside.
As well as normality, I also want to succeed in my field and at least be sort of recognised for that. Not as a celebrity or anything, just like a nod of “she does a good job”, that would mean a lot to me. Yeah, I’d like to do well as a promoter ❤

Motley Crue
Ah yes I got to see the mighty Motley Crue and Def Leppard at Wembley Stadium. By gosh is that a venue and a half… utterly inspiring place, breathtaking, especially for someone who does what I ‘do’. Imagine a festival at Wembley! Well… LiveAid!
Anyway, I thoroughly enjoyed both bands. I didn’t think Vince Neil was anywhere near as bad as some people were saying, okay maybe he can’t do what he used to do, but at least he’s still up there giving it a go. Got to respect that. I would’ve liked to have seen the band with Mick Mars, I felt like they had a bit of an empty sound for such an iconic band, but that could’ve been down to the venue rather than the band. Def Leppard wow! What a band! I’m not a massive Leppard fan, but they are an absolutely cracking live band and I’m so glad I got to see them. Would recommend them to anyone for sure. I’d love to experience some more gigs at Wembley for sure, I was a bit worried because I don’t really like ‘big’ venues… I like to have my own space at gigs if I’m honest haha.

With all that said, I think that is the end of this life update! I hope it has been somewhat entertaining, I know it’s also been a bit random in places but getting things off your chest can sometimes be a good help. Saying things out loud also means you have to do them… right? 😉

Feel free to follow me on any of my social media accounts:
INSTAGRAM: JodieBowie
INSTAGRAM: Nozfest
FACEBOOK: JodieBowie
FACEBOOK: Nozfest
FB GROUP: Nozfest
WEBSITE: www.nozfest.org
YOUTUBE: JodieBowie

See you on the next one!

Jodie x ❤ x

Blog To Future Jodie 10!

How on earth are we on blog No.10!! Blimey, it’s been a long time since No.1 hasn’t it. I’m sure I was 18 years old when I started this haha… I’m 27 now!

JODIE : DO NOT READ THIS BLOG UNTIL 08/08/2024!!

Not taken on the day of posting, but you look pretty 🙂

Currently listening to: Crazy Mama by The Rolling Stones

I swear these things get harder and harder to write each year. I feel like I’ve grown so much since I first started doing these future blogs to myself. I guess that’s the entire point really, to see how much one has grown and changed over these years, can’t believe I’ve kept up with it all these years too!

I want to take myself back to that very first blog for a few seconds, just while I’m reading it to see how far I’ve come… I mean for a start I have absolutely zero of the same friends as I did back in 2014, in a way that is kind of sad, but that’s what happens in life, but as we evolve we gravitate towards people that we have things in common with, and those friendships we made at school dwindle because we become our own people. There’s also some things that haven’t changed at all, like my favourite TV shows. I still religiously watch Eastenders, Torchwood and all those others and still have an interest in documentaries that would make a sane person’s hair curl.
One of the questions I asked myself back in 2014 was “where do you see yourself in the next 5 years?” and I said: “Hopefully in a relationship…. in higher education or doing something I love“. Well, 5 years have passed and I have both of those things. I wonder what 18 year old Jodie would think of that!

RIGHT, let’s get on with it! F*ck it, I want to talk about something I consider important and something incredibly special to me as a person. Ever since I was 3 years old, I have been a mega fan of a band called The Rolling Stones, and my love for that band has only ever grown stronger each year. As much as I love them all for all their different qualities, there has always been one person who’s been in my heart and always in the back of my mind, and that is the late Brian Jones. Well, for my 27th Birthday I got to visit his grave in Cheltenham and honestly speaking, it was one of the best moments of my entire life!
It was a really spiritual experience for me, and I do believe I felt Brian’s spirit with me. There were definitely feelings/vibes I was getting which I wasn’t expecting, but I felt as if he was very happy to have me in his presence (amongst everything else). Felt like we’ve known each other for most of my life, which I guess we have in a way. I spent ages just telling him about the things I do, how much I love the band and his music and how I’m not going to forget him ever. It was beautiful. I left him some flowers and wrote in his diary. It was raining which probably heightened the emotions a bit to be honest.
It even led me to do a bit more research into his death. It’s always been a thing on my mind since I was very young, which is why I wanted to visit him at the age of 27, the age he will be forever. There is so much we are yet to discover, honestly the deeper you look, the more you hear…. this wasn’t just death by misadventure.

Ooh whilst I remember, I am also now a booking agent and manager! It’s going okay, I think if I’m honest I’d prefer to do more of the managing side of things, being a booking agent is hard! But I’m taking the challenge, because I wanted to give it a go to see if I could do it. I have a roster, indeed I do and I am working with bands such as Black Water Redemption, Vambo, Gallows Circus, Spyder Byte, Regional One, Drallion, Trouble County and Crooked Shapes. Right now, I feel like I would be better at a more managerial role when it comes to this side of music, but we shall see what the future brings for sure.

Gosh, I’ve been through the wars a little bit this year when it comes to jobs. The job I had wasn’t really working out for me, I really did love the people I worked with, a lot! I just had a few too many buttons pressed, and I made the decision to walk away. The next job I got, made me choose between my festival and working for them, which wasn’t nice to go through but I had to make the right decision for me. Then I found myself in a little job which I really loved and enjoyed, I loved working for a family, it was so lovely, but unfortunately that didn’t work out, which was a shame. Now, I literally have my ideal job! I’ve wanted to work where I do for a long time, and have applied many times, but at last I was successful – and I am so happy there. It’s amazing! It’s such a lovely job, I really enjoy it and I appreciate it so much. Fantastic environment, I honestly couldn’t ask for more, it suits me perfectly. It’s been rough getting to where I am, but I’m really glad it’s all worked out.

I love being a rat mum! I feel like being a rat mum is one of my callings. I take it so seriously. There is nothing I love more, than seeing my rats BE RATS. I didn’t get rats because I wanted a pet and they seemed easy, I got rats because I love them as an animal and I want them to be able to live their best rat lives whilst in my care. I want them to dig, burrow, make nests, eat the correct diet, climb, cuddle, chew, build, explore etc. I love seeing them express their natural habits; it’s actually really rewarding watching an animal be an animal. The hardest part of being a rat mum is having to stay out of other people’s business who also have rats. The rat community tends to take rat care very seriously, but there is also a percentage who don’t, and they also tend to be the people who don’t want to be educated. I’m always willing to learn, if someone sees me doing something ‘wrong’ with my rats, please tell me! I want to learn how to be the best for them and care for them as best I can. I don’t just want pets. I want rats. It’s very hard having to just not give advice sometimes, and just let things go, but you can’t make someone listen if they don’t want to – but I guess that goes for anything in life. Anyway, my girls mean so much to me. They are little pains in the butts, but what I’d do without them, I genuinely do not know. They are so gorgeous and perfect, and have their own individual personalities. Luna is of course my girl, mummy’s girl through and through and she is my little world. That girl basically rules my life haha.

2023 has just been a super unlucky year for me. I was so ill at the start of this year. As soon as I turned 27 I was very unwell with tonsillitis for 2 months. Being unwell for so long actually really knocked my confidence, and I’ve only just started getting that back again. I really hope I don’t get that sick again, because that was awful.
I’ve decided to acquire a new skill, I’m not going to say what it is just yet but I’m learning a life skill and it’s going well! Sometimes I really enjoy it and feel proud of myself for coming so far, and other times I really don’t like it and want to live the hermit life haha.
I’ve had a few issues with weight; I gained quite a bit of weight this year, I’ve managed to lose most of it again luckily, but of course being 27 now, my body has actually changed and that was quite scary. I’m happy I am 27, it’s kind of nice to have a more ‘adult age’, but I didn’t expect to have a 27 year old’s body.
As for things at home, this isn’t really something I want to speak about publicly, but the general gist is that we just have to accept the situation we are in and take things as they are until the inevitable happens. It’s a struggle, it’s something that gets me down quite a bit, but there’s nothing I can or anyone else can do to change things. It is what it is.
Got to just throw in, I also got to see MOTLEY CRUE at Wembley Stadium… and I’m pretty sure that is what woke up my passion for music again, and thank goodness! Such an unreal experience seeing Motley Crue and Def Leppard in such an iconic and historic venue. It was just something else.

Nozfest is in its 4th year, and it’s sold out again! It’s sold out each year which is just absolutely unbelievable really. I have worked with some of the most exciting and successful bands in the scene, I have met so many wonderful people and I am just really proud of how far Nozfest has come. My ultimate dream for Nozfest is for it to be fully recognised as an actual festival. I just feel like compared to most other festivals, mine isn’t really taken very ‘seriously’, and sometimes it gets me down, because I am trying so hard to be up there with all the others. I feel like a lot of people in my personal life just view it as a ‘party’ but that would be one hell of an expensive party to have each year – it’s a business. I work really hard all year round, and I like to keep it close, I don’t really like discussing it, or ‘bragging/boasting’ about it; it’s just something that I do, that I really want to make a success of. I’m really hoping to make the 5th year of Nozfest a really big and cool one, if finances and circumstances let me of course. It’ll be an anniversary kind of festival, so I’d love some old names, new names and big names to play! It really is my baby, and I feel very protective over it. It may cause me stress at times, but it does also make me very proud ❤

I do also feel very much like I would love a normal life. I love music, don’t get me wrong, and I’ll always do everything I can to make Nozfest happen; but outside of being a promoter, I think I just really want some normality. I want to work on some friendships, I want to actually see friends and create actual memories with them, which involve more than an occasional Costa catch up. I want to focus on some things I enjoy doing, like walking and reading and appreciating my own company. I want to grow my relationship, I want to look forward to the future we can have together (which I do), I want to enjoy going to work and be proud of myself for doing a good job. The idea of ‘normal’ right now just really appeals to me. I really like my life right now, I just want to keep adding to it, and making some of the areas even more pleasurable… if that makes sense. We are definitely getting there as well 🙂

Questions for 27-year-old Jodie:
1. Has your passion for music been reignited? – Oh what a lovely question to start of with! It has actually. It’s taken its sweet ass time, but yes It has definitely been reignited. I really want to push myself forward with it too. The bands I’ve worked with this year have been a DREAM! I’m going back to my roots a bit with the music I’m listening to, but I think that’s exactly what I need right now.
2. Have you learnt any life lessons? – Oh I’m sure I have! I’ve learnt that communication really is something that is necessary in the adult world. Not to be scared when it comes to doing what is right for you, we all have to go through changes in order to grow and evolve. So much more. Life is one big lesson.
3. Are you as brave as you want to be? – I think I am after the month I have just had. I’m actually okay with being brave too, it’s something I have needed to be for a while in many contexts, just needed a little shove in the right direction to get there.
4. How was Nozfest 2022 & are you doing Nozfest 2023? – It was fantastic! Oh I had so much fun, the bands were on fire and it was the most successful Nozfest to date, so I really hope that this year can top it!! Yes I am… and it takes place in 4 days!!! Aaaahhh.
5. How are your three girls? – They are perfect, thank you ❤ Luna is my girl through and through, and I’d do anything for her. I’d honestly give years of life if I could keep them around longer than 3 years max. Best decision I ever made.
6. Have you managed to go back to Carnaby Street? – YES!! And I bought the most expensive item in the store. I got my dream leather jacket at last! That’s right, I’ve got a limited edition designer Rolling Stones genuine leather jacket. Someone asked me recently if I stuck the logo on the back. Cawr, if only you knew. The lining is absolutely beautiful, the leather is soft and luxurious, the Stones lick on the back is rare… it’s stunning!! ❤ I can’t wait to go back. I even got some chocolate made by Sally Wood.
7. Are you happy? – Today, is an off day, life is a little challenging right now. However, YES, I am actually happy. It feels good being happy for a change.
8. Do you feel like you have grown as a person? – Definitely. 2023 has been a challenge, but perhaps it’s the challenge I needed to grow.
9. What’s it like being 27? – Terrifying! It’s like no age I can describe haha. I feel like an adult, I feel my age, I actually kind of like my age, it’s just very scary being 27! I think to sum it up, it’s an age that you perhaps develop your adultness and see things for what they are and are more willing to grow and are less frightened of the future and outcomes.
10. How are ‘THINGS’? – Really? How am I meant to dicipher this a year later. I mean, I think I know what you mean, and ‘THINGS’ are actually okay. There was a bit of a bump in the road, but I think it was necessary. Things are going well, they are good! We’re excited to see what happens next in our journey ❤ 😉
11. What are three things you really like about yourself? – My passion (for rat care, my favourite band, Nozfest etc), my work ethic, my nose.
+ Favourite serial killer? – Oh 2022 Jodie is going to be disappointed! I don’t currently have one haha. I’ve not really been into the true crime much this year. I’m going to say Dennis Nilson this time. Although I watched a drama on BBC about a guy named Ben Field which was just… no.
++ Recommend 4 bands please!! – Easy. Let’s start with Buckcherry, Scarlet Rebels, The Rolling Stones (always) and Florence Black.

Questions for 28 year old Jodie: (28 :O !!)
1. Are you driving yet?
2. Is or has there been a 5th Anniversary of Nozfest?
3. Where do you see yourself at at 30?
4. How is the job going? Do you still love it?
5. How is the situation at home?
6. Do you still have your girls? How are they?
7. What is something you wish you could’ve told yourself a year ago?
8. How is your body image these days? I know you struggle.
9. Favourite band you’ve seen this year?
10. Are you still a booking agent/manager?
11. Tell me something about Adam 😉
+ I want to see if there’s a different answer. So, favourite Serial Killer?
++ Favourite memory of the past year?

The last few things I want to say directly to 28 year old Jodie.
Jodie, you are one strong lady. I know you don’t think you are, but you’ve come through every challenge you’ve faced this year and I am incredibly proud of you. I know, right now things seem off balance but I think you are going to be just fine, and hopefully more than just fine. I’m really excited to see where your friendships go, because you have so many fantastic people in your life right now, that I do believe genuinely like you – and I don’t think you’ve had that much before. Your friends are so amazing and beautiful, and I think they are going to bring out the best in you and help you shine! You just need to believe in yourself just a little bit more. Things ARE going to be alright. Whatever is playing on your mind, will soon be in the past. You are strong, amazing, lovely, kind-hearted, passionate, determined, funny, weird, and you are going to end up doing something really exciting, just you wait and see. Believe. Because I believe in you ❤

I apologise for the length of this one, but a lot has happened this year! Hopefully it’s been enjoyable if you’ve read it. No worries if not, because it is to my future self haha.
See you all in a years time!!

No need to link social media links.

Jodie x ❤ x

JodieBowie: More Positive Times Ahead

I just really fancied doing a nice sit down blog, it’s sort of an update but not an update… you’ll understand why in just a few moments, but basically… things are even more positive than they were and I want to share my little moment with you guys ❤

The past month my life did a bit of a U-Turn, in a good way! But it wasn’t a turn I was expecting it to make. It was very out of the blue, not like me to do at all and unplanned but it’s been probably the best thing I have done for myself all year, and suddenly other aspects of my life seem to be falling into a better place as well…

This isn’t a life update, but it also sort of is because it is my life that has changed a lot… but it’s on a more personal level and nothing to do music wise etc. But I wanted to share this moment because I am so happy and more positive, and I know there are probably others out there feeling exactly how I felt and struggling to move forward, so if me writing this helps anyone, then that’s a job well done in my book!

It’s a part of my life I don’t share publicly, because I want to use my platform for music and musicians, and not always ME as a person… because me as a person isn’t quite as exciting as JodieBowie 😉 ~
However, like I’ve said, it’s made me so happy it’s something I really want to share!
I love how small and unexciting this is going to be as well… people reading this will be like “really, a whole blog post for this?!“… yes! But it’s what has come along with it too that is exciting! Important life tip right here: Trust The Process.

So last month, I unexpectedly moved on from something I thought I’d be doing forever or at the very least a while longer; but fortunately my life changed within 24 hours and I am now about to have a completely new chapter of my life come into occurence.
I spent far too long waking up every morning really unhappy before anything had even happened. I was moody and grumpy, I was tired all the time and generally fed up. I was always worrying about something that likely didn’t matter, constantly stressed and unable to just relax and be my real self. Honestly, I just was not a nice person. I’ve spent at least 6 months blaming everything I can but, the real reason I’ve been stressed.

SO this is my message to whoever needs it… if there is something in your life that is making you feel so down that you are no longer yourself… change it! It’s very scary, but you can either prepare yourself, or take the bull by the horns and tackle it head on and deal with the challenges it may cause after. But ultimately, making that change will benefit your life more than you’ll ever know or appreciate. Sometimes you don’t even realise how bad things are until they are in the past. Sometimes we need change in order to grow; you’ll know when you need to move forward because you’ll feel an urge you’ve never felt before… like a butterfly bursting out of its cocoon.

Over the past 4 weeks I have almost become a different person! I’m no longer tired, I don’t have bags under my eyes. I feel happy, I’m not on edge or worried. I know that I’m not in the wrong, and I know I’m adult enough to make decisions for the better. I feel like I’m able to talk to people effectively, I want to learn new skills and acquired new skills, I’ve been able to see my friends and my family, catch up on sleep and spend actual quality time with my rats. I’m not anxious and I am doing things out of my comfort zone… I’m just moving on with my life and it’s making me so happy! If only I could’ve done that sooner.

I know this blog is ever so vague, but if you can make sense of it then you’ll understand. I’m not going to say exactly what has changed because at this moment in time it is unnecessary and I don’t want to seem… vicious, but my eyes have opened up a lot since I moved on with my life, a lot of doors have been opened and I wish that I knew what I know now back then. I always knew deep down, but I was just too scared/worried to do anything about it because I’m one of those people who doesn’t deal too well with change.

We never know if a year is going to be a good one or a bad one, but this year has been one of new things… new bed, new pets, new phone, new hair, a new career move and new ambitions. Now I am just really looking forward to Christmas and 2023! I can’t say for sure if 2023 is going to be a good year, because no one can see the future… but I do know that I’m going to make 2023 be as good of a year as I can make it for me. I want to push myself to succeed in things I thought I’d never be ready to do, have the faith and confidence in myself to know I can do better, I want to make some really fun and lovely memories, to be able to open myself up to communicate so that I can grow into a better version of myself. I’m really looking forward to what this new chapter has in store for me ❤

And that is all I have for this blog! I hope you guys have enjoyed it, I know it’s a pretty pointless blog post and this may not even be published! Who knows…
But if it is here for you to read, I hope you have enjoyed it and maybe even possibly inspired you a little. Things get better, believe in and have faith in yourself. You’ve got this 🙂
P.S Feel free to reach out and ask me what I have changed if you’d like to know… cos I’ve inspired myself with my actions!

Don’t forget to find me on social media:
INSTAGRAM – JodieBowie
INSTAGRAM – Nozfest
FACEBOOK – JodieBowie
FACEBOOK – Nozfest
FB GROUP – Nozfest
WEBSITE – www.nozfest.org
YOUTUBE – JodieBowie

Lot’s of love

Jodie x ❤ x

I want to talk about Mental Health

I just want to write this blog, purely because I think it might actually help me get some stuff off of my chest and help me breathe and ‘get over’ things. If that makes sense? Sharing mental health stories etc can actually help… and not only help you, but also help others with their own problems. So maybe this is a good idea? I’m sure I’ll still get hate and told off and what not, but like I said, I think it might help me move forward… and I need that right now. 

My mental health has been deteriorating since June I think… June is the last time I can pin point being genuinely okay and happy – I only had one bad spell in June, and that was just because of a mixture of alcohol and circumstances and I was fine after 4 hours.

Yes, my mental health has been slowly deteriorating over the last few months. I didn’t really notice it that much to begin with, but slowly I could/can feel myself slipping back into a dark place. I did actually go and request an emergency Doctors Appointment just to make sure I’m keeping on top of it, just in case, but they told me they have no available appointments until the end of Oct/beginning of November… I could have requested a phone-call, but that doesn’t guarantee proper attention or a prescription… so I don’t really know what I will do. If I feel bad, I guess I’ll go back in there. It’s a shame, I don’t know if it’s the same everywhere, but at my doctors, you literally have to harm yourself or get someone to say you’re a danger to yourself and others in order to get an appointment.

I’m not really sure why it all started, but I can just feel it creeping back. In all fairness, at this moment in time, it is more anxiety than depression – which for me is very odd. I’m usually extremely depressed and then the anxiety comes alongside it or a little later. I’m not usually anxious to begin with, unless it is just due to a certain situation (which can happen to anyone etc and usually isn’t too much of a big deal).

I think it has been triggered by recent events in my life. I pretty much have lost all of my friends, since Nozfest was a success. That is a serious statement as well, by the 11th August I had about 2 friends left. Everyone else blocked me, deleted me, left, ignored me, slagged me off and even left the festival after an hour etc.
I can remember saying to my Dad back in July, “I think I’m going to lose all my friends after Nozfest”, and I was right. I just had this gut feeling that I couldn’t trust anyone, I couldn’t tell who was genuine and who wasn’t, I just wasn’t having a great time. So from July – August, I pretty much ignored all my friends and only spoke to them as a professional (the ones who were playing the festival or those volunteering) just to stay on neutral ground I suppose.

The first incident where I realised one of my friends may not have been genuine, was when I received a message saying “being your friend doesn’t pay my bills”. That was the beginning of my mental health going down hill. That comment really hurt me, and even if it wasn’t meant in the context in which it was said, it could’ve been worded quite differently. After that, I saw an indirect status written about me being a bad a friend. I did approach the person and try and resolve the situation, which only really worked for 24hours. I spoke to several of our mutual friends, and from what I was made aware of there was a lot of slagging off behind my back between those 3/4 people… and all of them were going to be at Nozfest the next day pretending to be nice to my face. Like any normal human being, I was pretty upset.
I didn’t actually find out what was said until an hour before doors opened on my festival – so at the time when I was supposed to be my happiest, I wasn’t – I was very sad. I had to put a brave face on when all I wanted to do was cry. People wanted to talk to me and take photo’s with me, but I wanted to hide because I felt so bad about myself I didn’t want people ‘knowing who I was’. I barely spoke to anyone…. and I actually went home at the end of the event and cried myself to sleep, and I wasn’t happy for WEEKS after.
Being shown all the nasty things my bestest friends were saying about me, on the very day I was achieving one of my life long goals… on a day I should be on cloud 9… was f*cking horrible to put it bluntly. It’s almost like being stood up on your wedding day.
Not to mention all my friends who came to ‘support me’, left by 3pm. So I was all on my own – I mean I had my bands, and that is why I am so grateful for them, and why they are like my family… because they were there for me, checked on me, helped me, some even stayed all day and were just so proud of me…. I really don’t expect that, but it’s a wonderful feeling when it happens.
In a way I guess it just shows that all those friends wanted to see me fail, and when they saw I was succeeding, they didn’t like it so fled. My best friends made me not want to exist on the biggest day of my life… but I’m the bad guy?

After that day, I felt pretty crap. I cried an awful lot for days after – I just felt so alone, and that even if I achieved a dream of mine, I still wouldn’t be happy because good things are just not meant to happen for me. That feeling hasn’t really gone. Every time something good happens that has lasted a while, I get sad… because I almost expect something to ruin it because of the person I am, I feel like I am a person who deserves not to be happy… and that is mainly because of all the things that are said about me.

Several other things happened in August which re-triggered my anxiety in quite a big way. I started doubting myself, I honestly didn’t even want to do Nozfest 2020. I’m still extremely anxious about announcing next years line-up, but that is again something that is grating on my mental health – the fear that I haven’t done a good job because I set such a high standard with 2019. Although, I’m excited to reveal the new artwork for 2020 because it is feckin’ awesome! Honestly, everything I envisioned made real and better.
It is a scary thing organising a festival. I wanted to make the first one as big as possible in case I didn’t get a second chance. I am happy with my line-up for 2020, and the people who have seen have all said good things, it’s just believing in myself that I can pull it off again. The amount of bands who come to me on a daily basis now, is terrifying. Don’t get me wrong, I love it and am so glad I’ve managed to get to this point at such an early stage in my career and life, but blimey… it’s scary. I’m not even sure how half of these bands know of me or find me! I guess the point I am trying to make is, that there is a lot of pressure on me, or so it seems and sometimes it’s all a bit overwhelming. I haven’t burnt myself out – if anything I want to be working harder.

At one point, I think I even had someone question why I do what I do. It is so hard to explain, because I have always worked with bands. Since I was like 3 years old, I was always around bands, and even my playtimes would have something involved with bands. At primary school, I always played a musicians wife – and when I played with my dolls the boys were always in bands, sometimes even the girls, and they’d always be at gigs, or big festivals or be managing some band – that was my whole childhood. I wasn’t into boys until I was 19, which is probably why I’m ‘awkward’ – because boys have never really been of that much importance to me. Bands have and always will come first to me. I am so invested on making things absolutely perfect for them, that that is my true passion. When someone says “I do it for the money” or “I do it cos that’s the only thing I thought seemed fun/interesting”… just please don’t speak to me, because I LOVE WHAT I DO so much it hurts. I’ve worked hard for 7 years to get to this point. I wish I could share with you all exactly how bands make me feel… I think if that were possible, this world would have a lot more love and happiness and passion in it rather than jealousy and hatred.

I went on a night out one night at the beginning of September. I hated myself so much that night that I could have easily of stepped out in front of traffic and not even given it a second thought. I’d had a bad day anyway, and then I saw someone that immediately took me back to a very dark place full of absolute hatred, and the amount of anxiety it triggered made me feel physically sick. So much so that I felt ill for the entire evening and the next day. I spoke to a friend about it, but we couldn’t even work out how to explain how I was feeling, and then I began doubting how I felt about everything. I felt like I was just around for the sake of being around, and I was there until something better came along, and I absolutely wholeheartedly hated myself with such passion after that night.

Several other indirect status’ were made about me, some quite recently, and even though this person unfriended me, I could still see everything and also see all my other friends had agreed with what they had said. One referred to me as a ‘toxic person’, and that it was a relief to no longer be my friend because they are now finally happy. The other literally said “go get therapy you delusional fuck” and said how I treated all my friends like shite and played a victim, and that it is no wonder I have no one. That one has stuck in my brain the most. A word like ‘delusional’ and ‘f*ck’ all in one sentence… that hurt. I think it is because this was one of my bestest and closest friends writing all of this so publicly. If they had said this via a text or something, it could’ve been dealt with, and moved on from. Where as such a public statement from someone I thought respected me, because I respected them and thought a lot of them because they were my friend, I think it hurt a lot more; it’s not nice. I question everything I think and feel now. I’m like “I feel like this, but I could just be being silly because I’m delusional”. What you say DOES effect people – and people need to realise that. Even if it is said out of anger and not really meant, just be a little careful because your words could impact someone in much bigger way than you thought or intended. They probably thought I wouldn’t see, or if I did I’d just be a bit angry.
Unfortunately I was extremely hurt and upset, and it’s a phrase that is almost tattooed on the inside of my head now – I don’t really want to talk to anyone, or leave my bedroom, I want to be quite isolated, I almost don’t even want to really go and see my bands because I don’t want to say something which might make them think I’m delusional. I literally don’t want to talk if that makes sense… because I feel like if I say anything it is going to make me sound like I really am a ‘delusional f*ck’ – and this entire paragraph probably supports that. Even me writing this blog is probably just proving to them that I am ‘playing the victim’ – I feel so trapped and full of feelings I do not want to feel.
Deluded is such a big word associated with mental health as well. This person who called me this suffers from mental health themselves… so to have them use it towards me, and they know I suffer too… that is pure nastiness and almost quite evil to an extent. At the end of the day, that IS online bullying. I wouldn’t even use that term out of hate or spite. In fact I don’t have a single bad or mean word/thing to say about that friend, other than I thought our friendship meant a little more than how it has ended. I don’t hate them, I don’t wish them any bad luck or ill wills, I hope they have a really positive and happy life, and I am sorry that I was such a negative source of energy on them.

The other night, I literally just cried thinking about how much I hate myself – and how everything that has been said, and everything I am thinking and feeling must be true, because if it wasn’t true, then I wouldn’t have lost all my friends. The thing is, I don’t actually know what I did to lose them all. My bestest friend, I took on holiday, told all my deepest darkest thoughts to, treated, was more than supportive of…. vanished. What did I do? I feel like I can’t be who I am, I feel like even pretending to be someone else isn’t enough, I feel like even if I did stay as who I am that isn’t a good idea either, but if I change the people I do have might leave because I wont be me. I feel like I don’t want anymore of my dreams and ambitions to happen, because I am happier being a failure than I am a success – but at the same time, I want my dreams so badly. I don’t want to talk to anyone about how I’m feeling because I don’t want more stuff written about me that isn’t even half true, I don’t want to get attached to people in case I lose them as well. It is mentally draining to not be happy. It is mentally draining to not be myself.

It is messed up.

WHAT I’M GOING TO DO:
I’m going to try and make new friends, and try and see the friends that I do have, or speak to them just to have some human contact. I’m going to try and start my new project which might help take my mind off the negativity that occurred this year. I think I need a proper break, where I literally do nothing, is needed. Not a break where I have a billion things planned to make sure I’m not wasting my free time. I think I really need to just CHILL OUT. Perhaps some strictly ME time also.
I’m going to try and get back on medication, perhaps anxiety medication rather than anti-depressants (although most are the same). I’m also going to stop using alcohol as a coping mechanism. To be fair, I haven’t really had a proper drink since the beginning of July… I just suddenly went off alcohol, but I know that when I drink I am more ‘me’ than when I don’t drink? Is that a thing? I don’t know.
I am also going to try and do a lot more singing – I enjoy it so much, and it is a good way to channel energy. I also used to dance a lot, like properly. Always felt confident after letting off some steam – So perhaps I need to invest more time into that too. I want to be more open and honest with you guys too – just because you are the people who support me on a daily basis, and help me to achieve my dreams. Seems only fair that I am a genuine and real person…. I am just like you all. I’m a lost lonely little girl with a few big dreams. 

 

You don’t need to be linked to my social media in this blog – this blog isn’t about that. 

See you all on the next one!

Jodie x ❤ x

Life Update : What’s been going on?!

Hello again folks! You may not know, or even noticed… but I’ve been rather quiet for the last 2 months. I decided to take some time out and focus on myself until I felt more upbeat and productive again. So… let’s share what’s been going on I suppose!! 

NORMAL LIFE
I decided after getting bullied, sent threats and other things… that I didn’t want to be a 24/7 bad ass rock chick anymore. I really really wanted to live my normal life more. I got involved in a really negative group of people, and it made my life very dark and crap in all honesty. I wasn’t able to fully express my full potential in case it knocked them out of the limelight etc. Anyway, I made the choice that I’d only be a full bad ass at my gigs… where I have to be professional and speak to bands when they are not doing what is asked of them, or if they are taking the ‘biscuit’, and to also integrate with the audience. Otherwise I’m 100% ME the rest of the time… so a little bit thick, really awkward, a bit funny and far too caring, and I’m loving it!! I’ve cut out almost all of my ‘musical’ friends and I literally just hang out with my everyday pals that love me for who I am and aren’t using me for gigs or to meet rockstars.

JODIEBOWIE
I’ve been working on my JodieBowie stuff, and my aim is to make 2019 a really productive year with as many rock nights as I can put on, and work on other projects as well. As for this year, make sure to come along to the Stage Door gig in Nov!!!
I’ve also announced my 23rd bday gig featuring Western Sand, Beth Blade & 27 Days – so make sure not to miss out on that either 😉
I’m starting to get noticed quite a bit, especially by bands and venues… it’s taking me a little while to process and adjust to the fact people actually come to me for advice or gigs/reviews. It’s scary but extremely exciting!!
Hard work really does pay off – thank you to everyone sharing my name!
*Just wanted to add here, if any band needs help finding support for a show… please do reach out. Most of the time, I’ll be able to find someone for your slot 🙂 use me for everything or what ever you need… that’s why I’m here 🙂 

FAMILY
Oh gosh… It’s been a rough time for my family. I’ll say as much as I think I can without being disrespectful.
My Aunt sadly passed away at the end of July; I was particularly sad to hear this news as she was one of my only Aunt’s who was nice to me. My thoughts are with my Cousins who’ve lost a wonderful Mum.
My Nanny S, also got taken into a hospice as she is really not well… but we’re hoping for a second opinion. I’d like the chance to properly know her before it’s too late – it’s so refreshing to know I’m 100% Harris as well, I’ve found a place I fit in ❤
I’m really struggling with my Mum at the moment, I don’t want to say too much… but some days are better than others, and lately they’ve been quite tough and I’ve not had a break as of yet. From what the Doctors have said, she’s slowly going to get a lot worse, and I don’t have anyone to support me… it’s upsetting me lot. In all honesty, I have no idea what to expect each day; I can tell just by looking at her if it’s a good day or bad day, lately it’s been bad almost every day. I genuinely just want to cry all the time.
I’ve got myself a part time job to hopefully improve the situation, but we will see.
On a similar note, I had an argument with my Nan & Uncle on my Mum’s side – things were said, about my Dad, and I retaliated; I don’t regret what I said at all and I really wish, that side of the family would stop labeling me just because of the type of music I listen to…. come on it’s 2018. I did in fact manage to get my Nan to come down to see us for a few days; however, she didn’t seem to think there was anything wrong with my Mum (typically my Mum went down again after Nan left)… but she is trying a lot harder to keep in touch with us, which is a good thing and I do appreciate her doing it.

**Subsequently after I had written this, my Mum has been admitted to hospital. Hopefully she’ll get the help she needs and will begin to get better. How am I? in all honesty, I’m not great, but there’s not a lot I can do……… so there’s a lot of tears. 

MY HEALTH
You may have seen that I said I was going to take some time out to get myself better again, well I did…. but then I went downhill again. My doctors have actually increased my medication. I’m not entirely sure what happened, but I recovered from a pretty dark patch thanks to some incredible friends, decided to start reaching for my dreams…. and then crashed again basically. No idea why, but I will still be uploading blogs etc, I may just still be a little quiet so I can figure out what the heck I am actually doing haha.
As a result of this I don’t drink alcohol anymore haha, 99.9% of the time I’m 100% teetotal… the 0.1% is when I’m with a friend and I MIGHT have a JD&coke.
Ohh, I’ve also discovered I’m lactose intolerant haha – it’s great getting older isn’t it haha.

Look at the pic whilst listening to “A Little Respect” by Erasure. It’s the cutest thing ever ❤

RATTIES
My TedBear has started to come and see me on his own accord AND let me stroke him!!! I’m over the moon with this improvement, it’s taken a long time but I reckon I can get him to be okay 🙂 I’ve worked out if I feed him baby food from a pouch, he’ll let me do whatever haha.
As for Billy… he’s a little tinker, but an absolute sweetheart. He’ll follow me around my room and wave at me when he wants my attention. He lets me kiss him and he’ll lick me back … it’s so freaking cute! He actually gave me a kiss on the lips the other night, and I just melted into a pool of “he loves me” haha ❤ I love them so much, I really do not know what I would do without them… I don’t think I’d be able to cope.
I love hearing them make their little noises in the night, and it’s adorable being able to wake up to a cute little face just staring at you. I’m so lucky to have my boys ❤

BUSINESS BRAIN
If you haven’t already seen, I’m going to be putting on a music festival next year. I’m not really the kind of girl who just gives up on her dreams, especially when I have already started working towards them.
I decided to change venues, to a more supportive place that loves my ideas and encourages me to work hard on them. Me and Dad had a look around the new venue, and pretty much fell in love with it instantly! It has the perfect vibe, I’m so excited and cannot wait to share with you all what I am planning.
Was lovely to hear that my Dad also believes that I can pull this thing off and is actually interested in helping me, which has really given me a lot more confidence. I also asked him if he’d ever want to own/run a venue with me, and he said “absolutely 100% yes”… so I’m kinda buzzing for my future right now haha.
Pretty much 90% of my time is filled with JodieBowie, Festival, Blogging etc – it’s what I want to do, and it seems to be paying off and I can’t believe how many people believe in me – it’s incredible to hear, it really is. Thank you all ❤

GIGS
If you follow me on Instagram at all… it probably looks like I’m permanently at a Chris Payn gig haha … I sort of am, and sort of not. I just turn up to the ones I can get to 😛
Anyway, I saw Outlaw Orchestra and Kris Barras at the Talking Heads early Sept –  WOW! Kris Barras completely blew my mind, highly recommend to everyone – go and check him out! Also had a lovely time seeing 27 Days and The Smokin’ Prophets at Suburbia in Southampton… even if I did catch a cold after haha.
I’m hopefully seeing the Dead Daisies in Oxford with support from Massive Wagons… can’t really skip that sort of line up! Also possibly seeing Black Star Riders in Southampton… we shall seeeee…..

I hope this has given some of you some inspiration or made you feel like you’re not the only one struggling. It’s only a life update, but I wanted to be honest…. not everything is always as it seems. It’s okay to struggle and ask for help – we’ve all been there!

Don’t forget to check me out on Social Media to stay updated with what I’m doing 🙂 :
INSTAGRAM – JodieBowie
FACEBOOK – JodieBowie

Stay chipper!

Jodie x ❤ x

Life Update: Gigs, Happiness & Positivity

Gonna make this a quick one as it’s not been long since I last posted an update, but I wanted to talk about a couple of positive things! I am 100% genuinely unbreakably happy, for the first time in a long long time 😀 

  

JODIEBOWIE
I am currently looking into putting on my Rock Nights at a selection of different venues around Southampton. We shall see how that goes!
So far I have 12th October at The Stage Door, 14th December at The Joiners and 29th March at The Heartbreakers.
I really want to start to get them up and running; I’d also really love to do a “women of rock” sort of gig as well; there’s so many awesome female bands out there.
All I say for now is to watch this space for sure.
10th August 2019 is my festival : “RockFest” – so keep your ear to the ground for that one.

It’s also been thrown around about the possibility of putting on a joint show with Mark Christansen of Total Entertainment South Wales. Mark said he is up for it…so who knows! 😀

In the meantime, bands please do keep pestering me and popping up… ask for shows, send me your music. I love it, I really do, even if it takes me a little while I’ll always get back to you. Bands who’ve already asked for shows – I’ve not forgot you, I really am just working out line-ups etc, so if I’ve said I’ll get you a slot… I will. Promise. ❤
I think I underestimate myself A LOT. I always think no one wants to play my shows, then I get like 20 bands hit me up haha. Like my festival… over 200 bands have applied….. like…. HOW?!

On this note also, I’m getting involved in my friend Rowena’s project. She wants to start a magazine for alternative people – I absolutely love writing, as you can see, so I kindly offered my ‘skills’ and I’m currently bulk writing a bunch of stuff for her so she can pick and choose what she likes.

RATTIES
My boys are absolutely gorgeous – although they have melted in this heat! They’ve got used to me now, and they actually love me haha! Billy is still my boy – I dunked him in some water the other day, to try get him used to it… no one has ever clung on to me that tight before; however, he loves it now. He gives kisses, he’s a sucker for attention. Tedster is cage protective, but outside the cage he’s absolutely fine – but if I say “careful, because Teddy bites”, I do mean it, please don’t stick your fingers in the cage. Some rats just have personalities like that, like all animals… it’s fine, he ain’t aggressive 🙂 Can’t say either of them are a lover of this heat wave though.

They are still the best decision I have made this year. They’ve made my life so much more bearable and fulfilling. ❤

With Kyle Hughes and Michael McCrystal @ The Anvil

GIGS
Gigs I have been to over the last few months include: 2 Rolling Stones gigs, and of course my very own Marco Mendoza show.
Massive thank you to The Kut, Hightown Parade & The Wilderpeople who played at the Anvil as support for Marco – it sold out! FUCK YEA! Was an amazing night, and a huge thanks to those of my friends who came for moral support – you’re beautiful.
I didn’t get to fully enjoy the Stones gig in Southampton, just because my mind was on other things and I wasn’t relaxed enough to fully take it in; however, the Cardiff gig was absolute perfection… and quite honestly stuck all my broken pieces back together in one incredibly smooth swoop.

TRAVELLING
I may quite possibly going to be taking up travelling to gigs again! I miss my pals, and I’m feeling a lot more ME. I’m coming back I PROMISE! I’m trying to save money at the moment, so that I can actually start hopping on trains and going to anywhere I want without having to think too hard about it – like the good old times!

However… saying that…. I did bugger off to Birmingham quite last minute. Took myself off to see the Stop Stop boys with Jolly Joker and Sykko Dolls. I’ve not seen my Stop Stop boys for 10 months!!! Which is beyond INSANE! They were brilliant as always; I didn’t realise how much I missed them until I saw them again ❤

MENTAL HEALTH
I’ve been practicing mindfulness – it is quite rewarding. I’ve started going to zumba classes, going on walks, started seeing the people who actually make the effort to see me or phone to check in if we’ve not spoke for a while, really concentrating on getting these gigs up and running etc. I’m in such a good place mentally, like fresh air.

POSITIVITY:
I’ve completely acknowledged the fact that towards the end of last year, and most of this year I’ve just been a really shitty person. I made so many mistakes, and wish I could go back in time and just not make them – but that isn’t possible. All I can do is accept the fact that I totally 100% fucked up big time, and just do everything in my power not to do those things ever again and to be a better person, and the best version of myself.
You can’t even begin to get better, if you don’t accept your wrongs first.

I also met up with a few friends, who I had not seen in a long long time. We went to the beach, got ourselves a McDonald’s, it was a proper banging night! Helped bring a lot of closure as well. I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders, and I can finally breathe.

There honestly isn’t much to update you on, other than… I’m in a good place and trying to improve on myself. Simples! My next sort of update will be my yearly “blog to future Jodie” in August… so keep a look out for that one. ❤

I hope you guys have enjoyed getting updated! Keep yourself happy, put yourself first, love yourself, appreciate life around you, and just breeeaaaatthhheee…. things may suck right now, but there is always a positive somewhere in there if you dig deep enough – relish in that… even if it seems stupid to others. TRUST ME ❤

Keep an eye out for me on my social media – keep on bugging me, I love it! Tell me what bands you wanna see play… or even reach out just if you need someone to talk to 🙂
INSTAGRAM – JodieBowie
FACEBOOK – JodieBowie

See you soon lovelies ❤

Jodie x ❤ x

Because I’m Happy :)

Let’s share the positivity … this chick is HAPPY! and here is a blog as to why.

PLANS
I have so many awesome things coming up which I am so looking forward to.
My bestfriend Emma is coming down from Didcot to stay with me for a weekend… going to be awesome tearing up Bournemouth with my Mod. I’m seeing the Dead Daisies in Bristol supported by The Treatment. I’m also taking her along to that, she’s a mod so her reaction to John Corabi is going to be a card 😛
Me and Emma have also booked a weekend away in Cardiff; which is going to be amazing! I love Cardiff, it is a beautiful city, and to just get away with an awesome chick is going to be so worthwhile. I genuinely cannot wait to see my Welshies and make some memories ❤
I’ve also bagged myself tickets for The Rolling Stones in Cardiff << genuinely can’t think of anything better! (yes, I’ll also be at the one in Southampton).

FAMILY
I’m a lot closer with my Nan than I have ever been, since staying at hers for a week in Didcot. She’s a family member that I have realised I actually really need, and appreciate having her in my life.

FRIENDS
I don’t have many, but the ones I do have are bloody beautiful. The support some of them have given me recently has been phenomenal. I am so lucky to know such kind hearted and wonderful people, that just want to see me be happy. I couldn’t ask for better pals. I may have few friends, but the few I have are worth far more than having millions of friends who don’t care. I really do have some of the best friends on the planet, I’m one lucky girl ❤

PROJECTS
I am looking to start moving my Rock Nights to a different venue, or possibly branching out to other venues around the South. I also want to work with bands that are not necessarily local, but have a talent I’d like to share with the Bournemouth/Southampton area. I have my ideas! Feel free to get in touch with me though, and tell me what bands you would like to see at my Rock Nights – I am up for a challenge!
I am also back doing some paid work at the Memorial Centre, finally, which is great.
There is a few possibilities that I will also be starting an NVQ course… which to me is rather exciting.
My good friend has also asked me to be part of a podcast, and I’ve said yes! So that could be super interesting 😉
Gosh, there’s so many projects I’m getting involved in – another friend of mine has asked me to join forces with “Razor Metal Reviews”; so I have my fingers in many pies right now!
I am also going to try and put more effort into this blog, and maybe start videos if that is something you guys would like to see? Please let me know.

TREATING MYSELF
I treated myself to a phone upgrade. It was due an upgrade anyway; but I decided to go for the best upgrade I could get… because, everyone deserves a treat now and then. Worked out pretty well actually, as my new contract is a lot cheaper than it was for my old phone, but I’ve got a far far better phone. How that works I am not sure, but THANKS! I now have a Samsung Galaxy S8 Plus, in orchid grey. I have the same mobile number also, thank goodness… I love my phone number; I can actually remember it!

HEALTH
Yeaaa… Imma try and be vegetarian again. Let’s see how long I can keep it up for this time.
I have also lost about a stone and a half of weight. Which I am personally loving! I was petite anyway, but now I’m just slim, which I feel more confident about.
I’ve also started taking walks, and doing a couple of old dance routines to keep me active. It’s rather lush to get out into the fresh air you know.
I am also completely off my Fluoxetine/Prozac, and I haven’t taken Zopiclone for over a month – go me!!

PETS
Of course I got two rats, if you didn’t already know. Billy and Teddy. They are absolute treasures, as well as little shits. I am so glad I got them; definitely one of the best decisions I have made in a long time. I’m not sure if I’d get anymore in the future. For now, I am happy with my Bills and Teds, and I’m more than happy if they are my first and last ratties. Not only are they just wonderful creatures in general, but they have given me a purpose. I have 2 little lives that are dependent on me, to feed them, clean them, play with them, spend time with them, look after to them etc, and they are giving me something to focus on other than myself. I will admit, I was quite selfish at one point in my life, and couldn’t understand why some peoples commitments were so important. Now I have a commitment of my own now. I can’t just bugger off as and when I feel like it, as no one else is going to look after my boys. I have to plan things, and save up money, and negotiate/compromise; which isn’t as bad as I thought! I am so thankful to my little ratties for helping me become a better person each and everyday.

COUNSELLING
I paid for some online counselling; and the service is incredible. It was a real life changer/turner for me. I’ve never felt so positive in my life, nor have I ever felt this happy. It is a specific counselling service, and it is also American, so is a tiny bit pricey, but the reviews are amazing and the help I have so far received has been worth every penny. Their services have been proven to be very successful.
I think I am on the waiting list for further one to one/face to face counselling in my area. Which again will be a specific counselling service, but I’m feeling open minded and confident that it will make a massive difference to my life and my health.

GENERAL
In all honesty, I am just a genuinely more happy, positive and confident person. I have fixed myself, seen a direction I have wanted to take, and have become more settled within myself as a person. I have realised mistakes I have made, and come to terms with the fact that most of the time I was quite a selfish person, with a very closed mind unless it involved stuff to do with me. That is not who I want to be anymore.
I was self centered to the point, that I didn’t care who or if I hurt anyone by my actions, because I wanted opportunities no matter what. I did come across as heartless and ungrateful on a lot of occasions; all I can do is apologise.
I have also had a lot of time to just ‘do me’ and do my own thing; managed to come to terms with the fact I do actually validate myself.

I hope you have enjoyed this lengthy piece, haha, and that maybe it has inspired you to change or do things differently too. Change is good people, change is very good… don’t be scared of it, embrace it.

Don’t forget to leave a comment, and to follow me on social media.
Instagram – JodieBowie
Facebook – JodieBowie

‘See you soon dolls ❤

Little Book of Positivity

Yo yo yo, Happy New Year folks! Hope you spent it well? I know the New Year can be a bit of a struggle to people, myself included. So I thought I would recommend writing a Bullet Journal. I don’t have a clue where I’m going with this but, it’s fun, useful and hopefully it’ll give you some ideas for your own! 🙂 

Bullet Journals have been a thing for quite a while I think, and I’ve always wanted to do one, just never got round to it. About a week ago I saw my friend Amy posted a photo of hers on Instagram, so I messaged asking what to do… and gave it a go!

All you need is a blank notepad (of some sort) and a pen!

So far in mine, I have included important dates I need to remember – haven’t got round to actually filling that out as yet, but I will.
On my proper first page I included a spider diagram with my “2018 Goals“.
Some of my 2018 goals include :
– Seeing more of my family
– Reading more – at least 5 books this year
– Join a club
– Spend more time with the mofos
Etc
You can include whatever goals that you have for this year, and obviously keep adding to those over time as well as ticking them off, which will have you a sense of achievement.

I also drew a bucket on one of my pages and did my “Bucket List“. You can be as creative as you want with these journals. Make them colourful, draw things, use stickers, photos, write things… you don’t just have to bullet point things, but the point of a bullet journal is to keep things simple. So you don’t need/have to write an essay each time… it’s simply just a cooler way of making notes.

I’ve included a page of my favourite “Quotes” and will also later be adding my “Favourite Lyrics” and even “Songs“; so I always have something positive to refer to when I feel a bit shite.

I’ve made a spider-diagram also, of things “I Love About Myself“, and even decorated it with little hearts!
I included:
– My taste in music
– My nose
– My laugh
– My eyes
– The tattoos that I have
– How I do my makeup
– How I rock out
– My long hair
– How I make others laugh
– My wonky tooth
– My smile
^^ It’s okay to indulge in a bit of self love. I decided to include this, because believe it or not, I’m not a massive fan of myself… so I thought showing myself what I do actually love about me will help shed a little bit of light on all my negativity… and also make me feel good 🙂 Give it a try! It’s absolutely fine to say you like parts of your body, or how you look or even love some of your not so great parts… it doesn’t make you a narcissist. It makes you a human.

I’ve dedicated one page to “People Who Make Me Happy“, so that I know I need to see more of those people, especially when I’m not going through such an amazing time. It’s always important to cherish those friends or even family that you know are always there, even when you’re being a pathetic psychopath. I adore the 5 or so people I currently have on my list; and making a mental note of who they are will remind me that I’m never really ‘alone’, even if that’s how I feel.

I’ve also written “25 Days Of Jeffree Star Cosmetics“, and I’ve written out which days I’ll be wearing certain lipstick shades. I’m a huge fan and collector of Jeffree Star products, and I now own 25 velour liquid lipsticks; and I thought, seeing as I don’t really wear most of what I own… why not do one shade a day?! That way I might even find new favourite shades that I want to wear more often… and also mean I’ll have to do 25 days of full makeup, so I’ll get better at it again… seeing as I’ve lost my knack.
Why not try your own list of 25 (or so) days of? You could make it for example:
– 25 days of eating healthy
– 25 days of gym
– 25 days of tattoo planning
– 25 days of books I want to read
– 25 days of video games I got for xmas
– 25 days of gigs
– 25 days of learning a new song on guitar….
Anything!!

I’ve recently been through a tough time regarding a subject of the heart… but I’ve turned that into a positive as well.
I have made two spider-diagrams, one of which says “What Went Wrong – Relationship” and the other “How To Improve A – Relationship“. I’ve done this so that in the future, I will know what didn’t work… and what I think would help in the future. This can be taken into any relationship, new or old. It’s more of a life lesson really. Treating it as a learning curve. You can do any sort of “What Went Wrong” if you think this is something you need to do… maybe a friendship failed? Or you didn’t stick to your fitness routine? Use it to help prepare for something like, an upcoming event or tour you might be going on?
It is okay for things to go wrong… and it’s also okay to want to improve on those things. How else are we supposed to grow as individuals if we don’t look at our mistakes and try to fix them? You’re not a bad person for something not going smoothly… it’s how you make it into something great that shows what kind of person you can be, if you try.

It seems I’ve done a lot of spider-diagrams! haha… I’ve done another on “Things I Want To Achieve In 2018”. I haven’t set massive out of reach achievements… but they are achievements that I want to make sure I do reach i.e:
– Have a successful Rock Night
– Be someone I am proud of – be a better person
– Learn to love
– Help the hall in a positive way
etc… I know I can/should be able to achieve most if not all of those. And knowing that I could achieve those things, makes me feel more like a good person and like less of a bad person.

Recently, It has come to my attention that I’m not a nice person and I honestly don’t understand why anyone would want to be around me. I’ve been told I’m a “self-centered narcissist”, that I’m cruel, evil and bitchy… among a lot of other things. So I’ve bullet pointed everything that is wrong with me. However, on the other page I have listed everything that is good about me.. like I’m passionate, loving, funny etc. My goal is to make the good list longer than the bad list, and to hopefully cross off a lot of the bad things about me.

That is just some of what I have included in my Bullet Journal.
Bullet Journals are mostly used to help with day to day organisation, and to help set reminders etc, from what I have researched.
However, I wanted mine to be a little book of positivity. Especially as I am going through a rather tough time with my mental health, and I have been quite introverted because I really don’t want the people I love the most, not see me as how they know and love me.
I think a Bullet Journal is good for anyone going through a hard time, it gives you reasons to focus on the good stuff!
Make your own little book of happiness and follow its journey to self worth and achievement. 🙂

Happy New Year Beautiful People ❤

Jodie x

 

P.S my social media is
JodieBowie – Instagram
Jodie Bowie – Facebook 

Favourite Times of 2017

As it will soon be time to say goodbye to 2017, and hello to 2018, I thought I would share with you some of my best moments of 2017! As I do every year 😉
However, this year, I wont be doing a whole 2017 with diary notes blog… as so much has happened, I just wanted to share with you the amazing moments… so… here goes!!

Top Memories of 2016 

Honestly, 2017 has been a roller coaster ride! It’s had a lot of ups, and it’s equal fair share of downs. However, I think all in all this year has been a good one… definitely on a par with 2015 for me. ❤

MEETING JACK

I met Jack a few times this year, and I want to talk about all of them… as all 3 of them were best memories for me.
First of all, Talking Heads on Valentines Day – Jack was playing with Marco Mendoza, I noticed him straight away, I thought he looked like James Bay with the hat he was wearing. I noticed him looking in my direction rather a lot that night, so after the show I attempted to make conversation. Later, we crossed paths backstage and he asked me if he could add me on Facebook… I agreed, and we haven’t stopped talking ever since!
The first proper time we met was in Swansea for a Stop Stop gig. It made sense to meet there, as he lives in Cardiff. We were both so nervous! We had a little too much to drink, to mask how nervous we were…. later on… we kissed, and everything just felt so ‘right’.
The first time I went to his, is quite a nice memory too. I have bad anxiety when travelling long distance; Jack came and met me at the station,  rushed over to him and just hugged him for ages! That’s kind of when I knew he was something special.

Download

Now, I didn’t get to fully enjoy Download quite the way I would’ve liked. However, getting to see some of the most awesome bands on stage has to be the highlight! I got to watch The Dead Daisies, found a love for Tyler Bryant and the Shakedown, I loved Airbourne – they are deffos a favourite of 2017, saw Steel Panther also! The weather was in favour with us, which is unusual for Download.
If I go again, I definitely want to see more of the festival; and probably go with the right person/people that would add to the experience.

My 21st Birthday

My 21st Birthday! Organised by moi! I got my own rock concert, featuring 3 very special bands 🙂 It took 10 months to organise and I did absolutely everything from, designing the invites, booking the bands, booking the sound & lighting techs, the food, the outfits, decorations, the layout of the tables etc, I even designed the cake!
It was friggin’ AWESOME!! My Dads band played, my friends band Pirates of Panama played and my favourite band ever Stop Stop played! My family actually came, my tattooist were there, all my closest friends were there. My own rock concert, and it really was absolutely perfect ; and I am so proud that it was all my own hard work, and it really payed off. Thank you all so so much, it honestly the best moment of my life to date ❤

Surreal Panther

The night I got absolutely plastered, and hit people on the head with a dildo!
Oh this night was magnificent!
I had A LOT of alcohol, vodka, white wine… that was just pre-drinks. To be fair I don’t remember much of Surreal Panthers set… apart from making out on stage with a girl, and flashing my boobs…. I do apologise… but it’s Steel Panther man! I also smacked my ‘ex’ on the head with a dildo, which is one of the best moments of my entire life if I’m honest. This was also the gig I decided that I fucking love going out and partying, and the next 4 months of my life after this gig was filled with endless amounts of alcohol, fuck loads of fun, and staying at whomevers house.

Voodoo Vegas @ Fuel

This was a special night for me, for a few reasons. They probably wont sound as impressive as you think, but to me they mean the world.
It was mostly a special night because… I got to book them for my Rock Night!! Aahh!! You have no idea how long I have wanted to put on a show with Voodoo Vegas, and I was more than chuffed when they said yes. I also felt so proud to have a home town band playing in Cardiff – I love all my local bands, a little too much – and seeing them in Fuel really did fill me with pride! 🙂
I also met Nick at this gig, who’s become a good friend… and I hope our friendship lasts! (and with Beth two of course.. gorgeous gal!)

Jacob’s Bday in Swansea

This was a special day, as it involved my favourite person. Jacob ❤
It was charity event for bullying I do believe? Down at The Office in Swansea. It also happened to be this mofos bday! We got him a cake etc, it was lovely to see his cheeky face so happy! Jacob was even happy enough to share his cake around the crowd and pour champagne down our throats…. what an absolutely lush guy ❤
Probably my favourite Stop Stop gig of the year… and in 2017 I managed to go to 11!! Woooo!

 

I hope you all have a very happy New Year, and get to spend time with your most special ones. I wish each and everyone of you a fantastic 2018! Let’s follow are dreams……. happiness is more important. Remember that. ❤

Bless you ❤

Jodie x

A Week On – It’s a littler easier being me!

It’s been a week or round about since my last blog, and… I’m not feeling so down and miserable. So I thought I’d share my new bound of positivity with you… to try and show, that life isn’t always shit, even if that’s what it seems like in the moment.

After what was a very very tough weekend, I decided to tackle all my problems…… backwards!
Yep, I’ve decided that trying to deal with the bigger issues first, was just causing a thousand times more stress, anxiety and arguments; so I made the decision that I would tackle the little baby problems first and leave the big mess till later.

That plan, has actually worked out for the better…. as there isn’t even so much of a big mess anymore.
You my have gathered from my last blog, that I had recently returned home to start facing life again; and in that blog I wrote about my job, my mental health and moving out. Those problems soon mounted up and became more problems such as, I became worried about money, so I started worrying about Christmas. I was worried about my job, so was worried I wouldn’t ever be able to get another one. I was worried about my career, so was worried about my personal life. Then I was worrying about where I am meant to be applying/looking for jobs if I might be moving away.
Soon enough I got myself into a spiral of…………… “ARGH!”

I think what really got me thinking positive again, was meeting up with Lee and Ema and actually being able to talk about everything that was worrying me, and to hear their advice and opinions… rather than trying to talk everything out with myself. I would advise myself, that if you do have some really close supportive friends, talk to them! They may be able to help you find that light at the end of the tunnel.

So, I started with CHRISTMAS! Yep, Christmas is stressing me out because I have no money. I spoke to Jack, and we spoke about the possibility of him coming to mine for Christmas, which would be absolutely amazing! But like everyone has said “don’t worry about getting me a present”. Well guess what guys….. I AM worrying! Because you are my loved ones, and I want to show you all that I love and care about you – so tough tits!
Also, with the possibility of Jack coming here, I want everything to be super perfect. I’ve not really had a proper family Christmas since I was a kid, and I always get so jealous of everyone else having the best time with their perfect families. Hopefully it’s my turn this year.
I’ve already started – and nearly finished my present shopping. I’ve kind of budgeted. I know how much money I have left in case I do over spend, but I’m being careful. I guess I am fortunate enough that I can budget.

Next, I emailed my assessor and a few other people regarding jobs and career. I got most of the information I needed to begin to start making a decision as what my next steps are going to be. My assessor has actually said she thinks it would benefit me taking some time out of my education to actually calm down, find another placement and settle in first. Whether that’s a good thing or not………………………….
When something completely unrelated to you, starts effecting really serious and important areas of your life, a lot of hatred, anger, upset, stress, depression and anxiety comes out. I’ve literally been asleep ALL week, and when I do feel strong enough to battle a day, I may only manage an email before sinking back down the big black hole again. I’d like to say I’m getting there, but I’m not. It wasn’t a career I was sure I wanted, until I found out it could be taken away from me. Hence needing the time to clear my head.

I of course worry about Jack a lot too. He is my bestest friend in the whole wide world, he means more than anything to me if I am openly honest. I just want what is best for him and to be happy. I think that is one of the reasons why I am considering making that step to live with Jack. I have no idea at all if or when it will happen….. but it’s something that is floating around my mind. My Aunt actually read my last blog, and messaged me with some advice of her own, saying that she moved in with my Uncle when she was 21, and that it is a huge step, but it has to be the right decision for me.
I know so many people will think it’s massively too soon to even be thinking about it, but we’ve had a pretty fast paced 6 months, with a lot of ups and downs, a lot of elephants in the room coming out etc, so we’ve actually become super close because so much has happened in such a short space of time. Like I said to Jack… maybe it took me 21 years to find someone, because I was meant to find Jack.
Who the hell knows……… but I’m young enough to take a gamble and find out!

Job…….. I don’t think about my old one. I decided it was just making me more stressed and annoyed. So I moved on.
Now, I’m working on 2 awesome line ups for my Rock Nights that are returning NEXT YEAR!! Eeeekkk ❤

And lastly… my mental health……………
Well, I stopped taking my prozac – because I wanted to feel sad, and hurt. BIG MISTAKE! I’ve now started taking them again. Don’t mess up your cycle, it’s not a good idea.
I’m still struggling to accept myself as a person.
And I’ll be utterly honest… depression is a horrible thing. I’ve been struggling to the point that I have been sleeping for 14 hours a day, and because I’m struggling to like myself, I haven’t been looking after myself either. In fact I have been gross this past week… but that’s what it does to you. It makes you not care or bother, because why should you, when no one else cares or bothers about you, right?!

Anyway, I hope I manage to stay positive and keep on top of things!
Remember… BABY STEPS! Sometimes dealing with the little issues first, is a whole lot better and easier than trying to battle the big shits!

Keep upbeat motherfuckers!

Jodie X ❤ X