JodieBowie : The Most Amazing Person

This little idea popped into my head around the time of Valentine’s Day. Only seems fair that I give it a bit of a share. I’m still new to this style of writing, but any feedback you have would be lovely. I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I do writing them.
Read my previous ‘poem’ by clicking here.

DISCLAIMER: Just subjects that enter my mind at random. 

Love

You are the most amazing person
You make me laugh, you make me smile
You make me happy, you make me cry
Your hugs are unbeatable

You are the most amazing person
You know me inside and out
You make my anxiety fade away
With just the whisper of your words

You are the most amazing person
Whenever I think of you
I can’t help but smile
Because you are the perfect 10

You are the most amazing person
Because every time I look at you
No matter what
You are always my shooting star

You are the most amazing person
I wish you could see yourself
The way that I see you
Because you are everything to me.

Written 16/02/2020 – 19:00pm

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Don’t forget to follow me on my social media platforms:
INSTAGRAM – JodieBowie
INSTAGRAM – Nozfest
FACEBOOK – JodieBowie
FACEBOOK – Nozfest
FB GROUP – Nozfest
WEBSITE – www.nozfest.org
YOUTUBE – JodieBowie

See you on the next one!

Jodie x ❤ x

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My 6 Days Away Escaping!!

At the end of January, I decided to get away from home for a few days. I had some days off in a row, that literally never happens! So I thought I’d take the opportunity to destress and clear my head, by going away and visiting from friends that I haven’t seen in a good while. This blog is going to be about, why I went away, what I got up to, and the outcome 🙂 Hope you enjoy! 

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I really needed to get away from home, my mental health was really bad and I was struggling on a day to day basis. I managed to see a Doctor at the beginning of the year and get myself back on medication, and I also decided to follow some of their advice and sign up for counselling. I have an assessment at the end of the month.

My Dad went into hospital just after New Year, as he suffered from a mini stroke whilst travelling to work. He got sent into hospital, and the next morning he had had a stroke. That was quite terrifying. I am a Daddy’s little girl, we do pretty much everything together, I just love my Dad so much. I got a phone call whilst I was at work, saying my Dad was very poorly, he’d had a stroke and I needed to go and see him as soon as possible. I left work as quick as I could, they gave me a lift back home, Jake got straight on the train within 15mins and met me at New Milton – we went up to Southampton and my oldest friend Sophie picked us up and dropped us a Southampton General. My Aunt Wendy arrived 30mins after we did.

It was pretty scary seeing my Dad so ill. He was barely moving or talking, he was basically just sleeping and we wasn’t too sure what had actually happened. Luckily for me, Jake stayed with me all weekend and was super supportive – he kept trying to get my Dad to have some food, but he really didn’t want to do anything. Luckily, my Dad is okay!! He is at home, doing great, he is a little slow on his feet, and a few fingers on his left hand don’t work properly just yet… but otherwise, he is absolutely fine! Thank goodness! He’s a little down he can’t have as much alcohol or play his guitar at the moment… but I’m sure with practise, he’ll get back to the pro he is.

The other problem at home, is the fact that my Mum is disabled. She has bad arthritis, and broke her femur bone 5 years ago, and never did anything to make a recovery. She now relies on a walker and crutches to get about, she is also always in and out of hospital for all different reasons. She often has falls, and infections. I don’t want to sound like I don’t care, because I do love my Mum… she is my Mum, you only have one Mum in life and she is mine, so of course I love her. Sometimes it gets a bit much having to constantly look after her. There’s so many things she can’t do, and I have to help, but she isn’t really appreciative of the help or support I try to offer. It just gets a lot sometimes.
When my Dad came home from hospital, she wasn’t very nice to him and it did upset me. I think what hurt the most, was the fact my Mum never came to see him in hospital and didn’t seem to really care or be bothered. My parents are married, but they’re not the happiest. I was so thankful Jake was by my side, but my Mum should’ve been there and should’ve tried her hardest to be and could’ve been more understanding of what had happened – but she wasn’t, and that did really hurt me.

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All my thoughts were bad ones, I was feeling incredibly negative, like I didn’t know what to do, like my life was pointless, and I would just spend hours a day in my bedroom staring at the wall. I wouldn’t eat, I wouldn’t talk. I’d take it out on myself… just wasn’t in the best of places.

Mine and Jake’s relationship also has some up and downs, and my anxiety and depression was probably affecting that – so I felt like we either needed some time apart, or sometime in a different place but together. We ended up doing both options really.
Jake suggested that we checked to see if my best friend Luke was free at the weekend, and if he was, then we would go to Cardiff and see him and some of my other Welsh friends. Luckily, Luke was free!!!
I also asked my friend Rowena during the week if she had a few days free so I could pop and see her, and she did.

I stayed at Jake’s Thursday night after work. The Friday I tidy tidied his whole flat. I wasn’t bored, I was just sick of having the same thoughts going round and round in my head and I wanted a distraction. I was initially just going to hoover, but I got a little carried away. When Jake got home, he cooked us some pasta for dinner, and I lit 2 little candles and we spent the evening on the sofa binge watching the new series of Sex Education. I highly recommend!! It’s so good!!
The next morning, we got up earlyish, booked our train tickets and our hotel in Cardiff and headed off on our journey. We soon realised we had been stuck at Branksome station for quite a while…. we checked the app, and no word of a lie, it seemed our train was in a 2020 year delay!! (116988.10 hours). A little ironic considering the year.

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With more changes than necessary, we made it to Cardiff in one piece, and were welcomed by the lovely sound of the Welsh rain. I love Wales and I love Cardiff. As soon as I stepped off the train I said “ah, it feels good to be home!“.
We checked into our Premier Inn, and then met Luke in town. We went to get Jake a new pair of jeans – I think we settled with TopMan in the end?
Afterwards I suggested that we went to Kiwi’s. Luke got us playing pool, which was quite fun! I can’t actually play, I’ve only played 3 times in my whole life – so I’m no champion. However, I wasn’t too bad this time around. Perhaps I am getting the hang of it.
After dancing to a few of the amazing songs playing, and a few rounds of pool, we headed back to the hotel to change. Luke gave me a little heart to heart, about how proud he is of me and what I’ve achieved. He is a sweetheart.
We went to Whetherspoons to have a quick one before Lukey had to catch his train back home. It was so good to see him, I hadn’t seen him since Nozfest – I think I should make more effort to see my friends that live far away. Even Luke had noticed that my face lit up and I seemed more relaxed, happy and brighter than I had done for months. Must be something in the Welsh air.

I suggested me and Jake went to Chippy Lane, to get some food before we met my friend Herm. We chose to go into Dorothy’s and had sausage and chips. Oh, my, days, this had to be best place I think I have ever had ‘fish ‘n’ chips’. The chips were so crispy, and not at all greasy, there was just the right amount in the portion as well. The sausage was lovely… I literally spent the rest of the evening thinking how great the food was. If you ever go to Cardiff… go to Dorothy’s! It is amazing!!!
Herm met us outside and we proceeded to go to Hop Bunker. I think in essences it is basically an underground micro bar. I had a raspberry beer (I’m not a big drinker really), and Jake had a few Thatchers. Was lovely to see Herm again, and catch up. Had been 2 years since I’d seen him last, we used to be good mates during my time in Cardiff previously. Was good to have a bit of a joke around!

After Herm went home, we made our way to the iconic rock bar Fuel. I believe there was actually a King Kraken gig on that evening, but I missed it 😦
We stayed for a few drinks, and saw my friend Dan! He was very happy to see me, and gave my a huge bear hug that lifted me off my feet – standard Dan. Love his accent as well – he is also in a band, they used to be called Prophecy, I think they’ve changed their name now, but he’s a metal singer… check him out.
Was nice to be back in Fuel. I used to be there a lot. I think I kind of prefer the Anvil in Bournemouth which is where I am from, but Jake reckoned the place was a bit like Zephyr in Bournemouth.

The next day we departed. We got some food from Ed’s Diner in St.David’s, and it was actually super good! We both had burgers, and Jake had an Oreo milkshake which was out of this world. Sometimes the food can be a bit hit and miss and Ed’s, but this time round it was good. We both enjoyed it. We made our way home, and eventually got back to Poole at 7:30pm. We were so tired, we just chilled on the sofa and watched a few more episodes of Sex Education on Netflix, then crashed out in bed.

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The next morning whilst Jake got up for work, I had a lay in! Although I did have to get up and ready at soonish, as I was heading to Southwick to see my friend Rowena!
It didn’t take too long on the train, but I was super tired so slept most of way. I’m pretty sure my snoring annoyed some of the passengers haha.
Was so good to see Rowena and stay at her place again. My brain completely switches off at hers, I’m not sure why, but it is so chill and there is no pressure to do anything. It’s just homely and nice and purple. She bought herself an Amazon Firestick, so we set that up and watched The Dirt… of course… because it is Motley Crue, and iconic! I love that film. Always reminds me why I love bands.
She made this fantastic chickpea korma, oh my word, stay at Rowena’s just for some amazing home cooked meals 😉 Haha. That isn’t why I stay of course, but I do love her cooking ❤ She’d put melon in this curry, which I wasn’t too sure about, but it worked amazingly and oh my gosh, that curry was out of this world. Please make it again Rowena!! We finished the evening off by watching Sex Education of course. I can re-watch all episodes for ages. It’s just so good.

I had a great sleep in her spare double bed, was so cosy and warm, and snug. Was great! I woke up in the morning and I felt really sad because I didn’t want to leave to come home. I asked my Dad if I could stay another night, and he said that was okay – of course Rowena didn’t mind at all. She made me toast from breakfast, with the vegan choc shot which is actually so yummy! We spent the morning just talking away, I told her about my home life, and why I wanted to get away. In the afternoon we went for a walk along the beach, threw some stones at the sea and watched the huge waves crashing into the shore. Was chilly, but a lovely view. We went and got a cake each from the kiosk afterwards. Rowena treated us to a pizza for dinner, it arrived just as she left for work.
I had the place to myself from 6pm – 2am! I spent the time eating, lounging, playing with her bunny shadow, reading my book and watching everything on Netflix. I tried to watch “You” but I really can’t get into it. I switched to Only Fools, followed by Fifty Shades Freed, Ted 2 and the Derry Girls. I wanted to start Gone Girl, but 2 hours and 45mins seems like a long time! I was quite down that evening, I didn’t want to go home I really wanted to just run away, but deep down I knew that wasn’t a plausible solution to my problems. I spent 2 hours staring at the ceiling I’m sure.
Rowena came home, had her pizza for dinner, we watched a bit more Netflix and I was zonked!
In the morning her son Rhys came at 10am, we had breakfast together and he chose to watch Paddington, which is a great movie! Then it was time for me to head home.

Unfortunately it took my 5 hours to get home, because a train was derailed at Eastleigh. Was sort of good to finally be home, but my brain did feel a lot better and more refreshed.
The next day I decided what I wanted to do. I want move. I want to get away. So, I’ve come up with a 6 month plan. I’ve got 6 months to save up, find jobs, relocate… and if at the end of the 6months I change my mind, or there isn’t anything worth staying for… then I am going my own way I guess. I’m quite excited, and I am happier for just thinking about it. It’s something to work hard for, and to aim towards. So we’ll see what happens. I’m just ready for a new chapter to begin.

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Hope you enjoyed this blog of randomness really! I know it’s a bit all over the place, and a bit like brain custard, but hey ho – something to read 😉

Don’t forget to follow me on social media to keep updated:
INSTAGRAM – JodieBowie
INSTAGRAM – Nozfest
FACEBOOK – JodieBowie
FACEBOOK – Nozfest
FBGROUP – Nozfest 
WEBSITE – www.nozfest.org
YOUTUBE – JodieBowie

See you soon my lovelies!

Jodie x ❤ x

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Life Update : New Year & New Beginnings

The last time I did a Life Update must have been around August/September 2019! Now that was quite a while ago compared to now… so I guess it is time to share with you guys, a bit of an update on the goings on in ones life. I can’t promise it’ll be interesting, I can’t promise it’ll be good… I also can’t promise that’ll be bad… but I’ll update you nonetheless. 

Also, sorry for the cheesy/cliché title of this blog! 

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NEW YEAR
In my personal opinion, I think I made a slight error of judgement with the venue of choice that we ended up seeing the New Year in.
Actually, in general, for the first time EVER – I actually didn’t really feel like going out! NYE is a big thing for me, I’m always super eager to go out, get absolutely trollied, have a laugh and just have a good old fashioned party. However, this year, I reckon I could’ve quite happily curled up on the sofa with some left over picky things from xmas and just seen in the New Year at home. Maybe I’m getting older? Haha… I saw quite a few people spent their New Year at home this year, and I think that’s a pretty cute idea – especially when you have someone to spend it with.
Me and Jake went to the Buffalo Bar in Lansdowne Bournemouth, for their ‘mash up’ event. It sounded like it was going to be a great night, but there was just too much dance music for my little ears and in hindsight I would’ve had a bit of a better time if we had gone to Smokin’ Aces to see Mr. Chris Payn play. Nethertheless, it was still a good night out! I was pretty tired from work and for some reason didn’t like the taste of Jack Daniels anymore…………….
However, I did get my first ever NYE kiss… so at least I saw in the decade with a bit of romance and a first! ❤

RATTIES
They are getting on!! They are almost 2 years old now… eeekk! Ratties don’t have a long life span, so it’s getting to that time you know… but they seem extremely happy and healthy so… I’m clinging to that. As I am typing this, Teddy is currently trying to carry a giant whimsy (you’ll have to Google it) down the tunnel bearing in mind it is twice his body length, he’s getting pretty stuck, it is hilarious, he thinks he can fit it in his little hut – to be fair I’m amazed they managed to get it to the top of the cage! Anyway, stop rambling. They are the loves of my life! My Billy is my absolute world – he is always there for me no matter what, he is absolutely beautiful… aahh.. I love my rats.
Basically, they are all good in the hood for now and hopefully will be for a good while.

NOZFEST
As always, Nozfest is still a thing!! Tickets are £22 and it takes place on Saturday 8th August!
The line-up consists of : The Treatment, Mason Hill, Skam, Hollowstar, Collateral, Wicked Jackals, Black Tree Vultures, Trouble County and Spyder Byte. It’s going to be an awesome day!
The logo and artwork is all so much more professional this year as well, it looks amazing and I can’t wait to get it turned into proper merch. Thank you Georgia Butlin for your hard work – you’re an absolute star! ❤
We have Mr. Si Genero back on stage hosting duties, and there will also be merchandise this year!! I really want to get a special YouTuber host… but we’ll see how that plan works out. There may also be some more volunteering opportunities this year as well – I would really love to get a proper ‘Nozfest Team’ going, but again, I’ll have to keep you all updated on that. It is still taking place at the 1865, and there will be another food van again – we had a lot of compliments about that, so we’ll be bringing it back 🙂 Not too much more to say really, pretty much same as last year, just a different line up 🙂
Tickets can be bought by clicking here!

NEW PROJECTS
I have a new project in the works which I am super excited about. I am working on a project called ‘NozLite’. This project is basically a small version of Nozfest. There will be maybe 4 – 5 bands of an evening, taking place at the 1865, there will still be merchandise stands and also a special stage host for the evening. I mean, I need to actually put on the first one to know exactly where I am going with them – BUT, my general vision/idea is to just have a smaller/more intimate version of Nozfest. Tickets will be roughly £10, and won’t change in price (don’t hold me to that… I’m hoping to keep them at £10 for as long as possible), I want a very similar vibe but just a little more relaxed and chilled out and like a family reunion type thing.
I hope that kinda makes sense on some level!
The first one is on 9th May 2020, and the next one shall hopefully be in November of 2020.
The cool thing as well is that I got the people part of the Nozfest FB Group to choose the name of this project. They call themselves Nozzers… so it seemed fitting to give something back to the people that make my dreams happen, so thanks for naming my new project guys 🙂

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JODIEBOWIE
As most of you should know by now, there is going to be no more Rock Nights. Yep, I made the tough decision to stop putting on Rock Nights. They were just so much hard work, for so little pay off and they were a project that wasn’t really going anywhere. After Nozfest, I have just been almost craving more and more success and I want to push myself to make those successes, but Rock Nights are just not part of that ideal. They have been amazing, and have helped me get to this point in my career etc, but it is time to say goodbye to them and close the door on that avenue, before they just get run into the ground. I have been doing them for 6 years… kinda unbelievable right….
HOWEVER, the very last ever Rock Night is taking place in Southampton on 20th March with Crooked Shapes, The Wicked Jackals and Black Tree Vultures – tickets are just £5! So get down, support live music, and say goodbye to my little Rock Nights in true JodieBowie style ❤

To add to this part – I really want to try and make more of an effort with my vlogs/YouTube Channel. I’m not 100% of the direction I want to go in, I just need to build up some confidence and hopefully make some better and more enjoyable content. I’d like to do more on the gig side, maybe get some bands involved – doesn’t have to be anything like an interview, could be an informal chat or maybe a quiz etc…
And I’d like to vlog some of my own life a bit more; like if I go on holiday, maybe vlog a little more of that etc.

GENERAL LIFE:
Man, I have learnt a lot about general life over the past few months. Not all life lessons that I have wanted to learn or go through, but I managed to get through them so… that is a positive in some respect.
I’ve learnt that you don’t have to be friends with anyone that you do not want to be friends with – no one can force you to, and it is absolutely 100% okay to just ‘not like’ someone, not want them in your life, and not want them to be your friend. Just because they are a friend of someone you know or are close with, doesn’t mean they also have to be your pal.
I learnt that you should always trust your gut, because your body has an amazing way of telling you when something is wrong. I think it is scientifically proven to pick up on bad vibes etc, so if something is telling you “ooh I don’t really like this…“, trust it.
You should never try and take away a special moment for someone, just because your moment hasn’t come yet. I got told about a ‘surprise’ that Jake was going to do, and I mean I had a little inkling anyway what the surprise was, but I didn’t think too much about it incase I ruined it or over thought about it too much – anyway, someone decided to tell me exactly what it was, and my heart sank because my immediate reaction was “oh, I don’t want that to happen now“. I mean I DID, absolutely want it to happen… but someone had decided to tell me, and it just made it a bit less special for me… whereas had I not known it would’ve been a really big magical moment for me… not that it wasn’t, but I would’ve preferred to have not known, basically. I also got locked in a toilet and was told to ‘end things with Jake’, so I haven’t exactly had the greatest of headspaces since then. No.1 cos locking someone with bad anxiety in a toilet isn’t exactly a great way to tackle things, but then within the same sentence to ruin a surprise AND say to end things…. just a little bit of a head f*ck I really really didn’t want – so I’m now processing that information into “don’t worry, all is fine, just ignore them“. But yeah, moral of the story, don’t try to dim someone else’s shine just because yours isn’t as bright.
I actually cleared out a lot of my social medias. I blocked people who cause problems in my life and trigger my anxiety, I blocked them on Facebook and Instagram, and I even did a reboot of my laptop so that any accounts I look at frequently got wiped from my system… so I can’t ‘check up’ on people. They are completely gone from my life. I can’t see them, they can’t see me, I can’t contact them, they can’t contact me… and honestly, that was very lifting to do. I felt so much better knowing they are now just ‘gone’ from my headspace. It doesn’t make you a bad person – sometimes you just don’t need/want drama and sometimes it is better for you mentally to just shut doors on people.

To add to all of this, my Dad got taken into hospital – I wont say too much, because I know my Dad wont want anyone to know, or to know details – but my Dad was ill and got taken into hospital; it was very out of the blue, it literally came out of nowhere!
I am so lucky that I had Jake’s support and shoulder to cry on for that – Jake if you are reading this, thank you so so much. I wouldn’t have got through that weekend/time without him. I literally phoned him up crying, worrying…. he was up and at mine within 15mins, stayed at mine the whole weekend… whilst it being his first week being back at work… honestly… couldn’t have made it through that without being an emotional wreck without his support. So thankful for all of my other friends who supported me, whether they helped me get to and from the hospital, or where just sending messages of kindness and offering any help… really means a lot to me, I have some incredible friends – and work colleagues… honestly, couldn’t ask for better people in my life to be honest. ❤

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MENTAL HEALTH
I need to get my anxiety sorted. I think I’ve said before, but I’ve never really had ‘just anxiety’. I’ve had anxiety and depression, or just depression… but never anxiety on its own… and I think it is so much worse when it is on its own.
It’s genuinely been so bad that I’ve had constant pains in my tummy for about 3 months. Sometimes the pains would be okay, and then the second I stepped out of the front door it’s really bad pain and that’s all I can think about. I’m very quiet at the moment and have been for quite a while, often just going off into a little trance of real unhappiness and then popping back into reality for a brief moment. I’ve been crying myself to sleep most nights, and honestly I wouldn’t wish that on anymore – it’s horrible to be crying yourself to sleep.
I like to think I am pretty good at hiding anxiety, but I am being very honest when I say that leaving the house really has become a big deal for me, and also just being able to put a smile on my face. I used to be great at faking it, now I think my face just says I’m not happy and it is becoming a lot harder to try and hide.
I’ve made the decision to come off the pill as that can trigger anxiety attacks, and I’m also going to see a GP about getting anti-anxiety medication – just so I can leave the house without wanting to cry or worse.
I’ve had people genuinely judge me for having anxiety too, which really doesn’t help. I had a girl come up to me on NYE actually and be pretty rude to me, and I wanted to go home, take it out on myself and just wish that I didn’t exist. I’ve been threatened to be slapped and all sorts… and I won’t lie guys…. that doesn’t really help someone with anxiety; that just makes it a 1000% times worse. So maybe if someone is looking a little off, maybe just give them some space or be kinder to them…. I don’t know. 

CHRISTMAS
I might as well throw in a little bit about Christmas! I was working for the whole of Christmas and New Year, which bothered me a lot less than I expected.
Christmas Day was spent with Mum and Dad obviously – me and Dad played a game of our new ‘Only Fools and Horses’ Monopoly, which is actually really good – so glad Santa decided to gift us with that 😉
Boxing Day I was back at work, but came home and cooked us all a ‘left overs’ dinner. I made crispy brussels with bacon which were amazing, and I was pretty impressed with my first attempt – definitely want to make them again and get them perfect! They were a little burnt, but honestly you couldn’t taste that at all. I made bubble and squeak to go with them – which was out of this world, I make pretty damn good bubble and squeak 😉 My Dad helped me to get it to go all crispy and cooked a little egg to go on top. I really want to get into cooking and make more meals – I do really enjoy it, and I think I’m not too bad at cooking so…. better than eating crisps and biscuits every day as a dinner.
The day after we had Jake come and stay with us, to have ‘our Christmas’ together. He wasn’t feeling too sharpish, but he perked up eventually. We had turkey sandwiches and a cheese board spread, drank a little wine, I made him his first ‘snow ball’, we played a game of the new Monopoly as well… I think he enjoyed it, or at least enjoyed beating me. We watched Blades of Glory on the TV as well as EastEnders – I’ve got him into EastEnders, which in my opinion isn’t a bad thing! 😛
Next day I went to get my nails done ready for NYE. Jake was feeling poorly so I persuaded him to stay another night so I could look after him. I think I did alright! Mum made another (failed) Christmas dinner, me and Dad cooked the Christmas pudding, Jake had a few cocktails and we played all the quiz games I got as gifts. Was quite nice having Jake stay at my house – I don’t really like people coming to my house because we are a bit of an unorthodox family to be honest… but it was nice to actually have my ‘person’ at my house for Christmas – another first to tick off the bucket list.

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PLANS FOR 2020
I have ‘plans’, whether they actually happen is another thing. But I really would like a few weekends away this year, I feel like I need a holiday for sure! I want to get back to the right mental state before I go off galivanting though. I really want to go to Disneyland. I saw a YouTuber called Anastasia take her Mum & Little Brother, and then I found myself getting excited about it too – I have never been to any Disneyland’s. I never got to go as a child as my parents couldn’t ever really afford it (we ran our own businesses etc), but I think it’s one of those things you have to experience in your life. Maybe a cheeky holiday abroad, I’m not massively fussed but maybe a little taster in escaping across the seas might make me actually want to spread my wings a bit further a field than the UK.
Another cliché, but I think I just want a ‘happy’ year, and some ‘me’ time. I don’t need any miracles to happen, as long as I have a genuine smile and a positive attitude…. anything else will be a complete bonus. ❤

 

Don’t forget to check me out on my social media accounts – I may be a little quiet, but I’ll still be about! :
INSTAGRAM : JodieBowie
INSTAGRAM : Nozfest
FACEBOOK : JodieBowie
FACEBOOK : Nozfest
FB GROUP : Nozfest
WEBSITE : www.nozfest.org 
YOUTUBE : JodieBowie

See you guys again soon!

Jodie x ❤ x

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Best Memories of 2019

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!
I do one of these every year, so I of course have to write one for 2019 as well. I’m quite sad to see 2019 go in all honesty… it’s been a year of learning and new discoveries, happiness and also sadness. Thank you 2019 for all that you gave! 

These are in no particular order, and are the best memories that I have had in 2019. Some of these memories may in fact have ‘vlogs’ to go along side them, so I will link them where possible 🙂

“Let’s Go To Bournemouth”
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This must have been around March time?
Me and my friend Cardy met up in New Milton for a few drinks and a catch up after not seeing each other for almost a year. A lot had changed in our lives at this point, so we both had stuff to get off our chest. We went for a drink at the pub, and then I jokingly said we should go bowling then we just decided to pub crawl in Bournemouth. We started out at Buffalo where some sort of bluegrass jam band where playing and an old geezer said to me “I know a beautiful thing when I see it” and proceeded to tell us something we couldn’t understand. We went to The Inferno next and ended up singing away to some Aerosmith songs. Next was the Anvil where I was convinced that I had lost my phone, so went around Bournemouth asking people where my phone was, to then leave myself an answer phone message asking to have my phone back because I didn’t want someone else using my Spotify…. turns out my phone was at the Anvil, it just fell on the floor. We headed for our train home, cos unfortunately the last train back to New Milton is 23:12 -_- however, our train was leaving just as we got to the platform. In a fit of laughter we decided to head to Smokin’ Aces to see Chris Payn, but somehow ended up at Sound Circus where I stole a lemon drizzle cake off the security. Finished off the night by dancing to Chelsea Dagger. Pretty sure after we got our taxi home, I ended up going out on my own for another hour or so and getting back in at 5am. I used to be a right laugh I tell ya.

Chris Payn in Poole
Vlog link : My Happy Place

I’m including this one because I was unforgivingly happy at this moment. I think Chris was playing in Poole, it may have been Hamworthy but it was in that sort of area. I went with Steve, and it was a really great night! I vlogged 45 minutes of Chris and I still watch is back when I need cheering up. Probably one of my favourite vlogs in all honesty. If you watch the video, you should notice how happy my ickle face is, and I genuinely was happy, I was having such a great time, my life was pretty good, I felt confident and yeah it’s just a really lovely thing to see really and be reminded of. The Jodie in that video is the most real version of Jodie, and I haven’t been her for so long.
There was also this really awesome drunk guy there who could honestly throw some shapes! If you watch the vlog, keep an eye out for him because he is so funny but cool at the same time. I think he started a fight at the end of the night and got thrown out unfortunately, but I also think I was drunk enough to keep waving goodbye at him. Billy came along at the end, and I think for some strange reason I came up with a chat up line that went along the lines of “are you a squirrel? can I bury my nuts in your garden?” NO IDEA! I can remember all of us leaving at the end of the evening and Chris saying to us “come along then family” and that did make me smile 🙂 I’ve seen him play 25 times now.

23rd Bday Rock Night
Vlog link : 23rd Birthday Rock Night!
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This was such a good birthday! I put on a Rock Night at The Heartbreakers in Southampton with Western Sand and Beth Blade. Pretty much all my friends bands. Was great to have my friends there, and for them to just want me to be happy 🙂 I hadn’t seen my best friend Luke at this point since May 2018… so to see Luke, and of course the beautiful Beth was just so wonderful. I miss those guys so much on a regular basis, it sucks that they are so far away, but it is wonderful that they are genuine friends of mine. I think this was also my first Rock Night of the year and it went down super well… honestly, all the bands played such awesome sets and to finally see Beth and Co live… wow.. they were amazing! I’m not just saying that because they are my friends, they really are a phenomenal band and if you haven’t seen them live yet, I totally urge you to go and see them. Western Sand headlined, I’ve known the dudes in that band for 10+ years now which is insane! Was an honour to have them help me celebrate my 23rd of course – they are probably my fave local band as well, especially as they are from New Milton too. Aaahh I miss this night so much. Oh also, Luke let me do his makeup so I made him look like Mick Mars… unfortunately he made the mistake of letting me do so after quite a bit of alcohol and zero lighting… so he ended up looking like a zombie.

Meeting Jake
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Jake is my boyfriend! Jake is a great human being and I am so lucky that he has chosen me as his human 🙂 I care about him more than I ever thought would be possible, he makes me so happy and I have never had someone who supports me like he does and I’m still getting used to that, but he is such a lovely guy and I am so lucky ❤
Our first date was on the 12th July, we went to Inferno in Bournemouth and then we later went to see Chris Payn play at the Hungry Oven. I can remember being so nervous to meet him, I’d only ever met up with one other person from online before, so I was pretty nervous and I was worried he was going to think that I’m weird etc. He didn’t actually message me that day, so I was thinking he wasn’t actually going to turn up and I was upset for a little bit, turns out he was just napping and he did show up 🙂 I can remember thinking that he was really handsome, and that he had a really nice smell, he was good at talking/conversation, he even listened to Mason Hill on the way to meet me – in fact I think he even bought tickets for Nozfest before meeting me which is super cute. He never really heard of NWOCR before me. I just remember really liking him, and hoping that he liked me too – I think I messaged my friend Sam in the morning with excitement. I’m very surprised that me singing/shouting along to Chris’ rendition of “Little Respect/Only You/Don’t You Want Me Baby/Rio” AKA “Working As A Waitress” didn’t put it off because I get VERY excited over that. By the second date I actually asked him if we could be “seeing each other” or whatever it is called, because I didn’t want him to go on dates with any other girls; luckily he wasn’t interested in doing that anyway. He actually asked me out at Nozfest (10th August), which he sort of did on purpose but he wanted to make sure it was going well first in case him asking me just stressed me out more haha – but I introduced him to a few friends as “my person”, and I think when Marco was playing he said some cute things and asked if I’d like to call him my boyfriend and he call me his girlfriend… and I think I just replied with “okay” haha. I’m an awkward bean!! But him asking me at Nozfest… such a good idea, and I’m very pleased that he chose that day to do it 🙂

The First Ever Nozfest!
Vlog link : Nozfest 2019 – SOLD OUT!
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I was obviously not going to leave this baby off my list! Nozfest made my year in all honesty. I cannot describe the happiness or feeling of having your dream come true. It is so pure. I kept saying to people that “I am here, I’m just also not here“, and that is literally what it is like. You are there physically but it also feels like you are just sort of floating along through an existence, watching things happen in front of you but not quite believing it. Almost like an out of body experience – people would be talking to me, but I’d only be ‘conscious’ for about 10 seconds and then my mind would just float off or wonder somewhere else. I don’t think I stood still for longer than a minute at a time. There was just so much going on, and time felt infinite, my friends were there, bands that I love were there, bands who are more like my family were there. It was incredible. Jacob from Stop, Stop! made sure to give me a cuddle whenever we crossed paths, and that is so heart-warming, bless him – he was so supportive that day. Marco actually turned up on time, and did everything that I asked from him, The Wicked Jackals were there to help set things up, and Lex even helped sort all the passes out so people could actually find them which was so kind and helpful of him. All the bands put on such an incredible show, I couldn’t of asked for better people I really couldn’t, the people who were helping out on the day were absolutely amazing their praises deserve to be sung so highly. It was literally the most perfect day. I’m not even sure I’d even be able to make my wedding be that perfect! ❤

Rock Night In Swansea
Vlog link : My First Welsh Rock Night!!
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My First ever Rock Night in Wales… woo! It was so good. I had Beth Blade, Black Tree Vultures and Scarlet Rebels on the line-up – fantastic bands. I actually travelled up there and back with the lovely Jonno, the drummer of BTV and Nick also tagged along too. It was really nice to travel with the BTV and get to know them and have a laugh, they are such lovely boys. It had been a long time since I had been in Wales, probably a year or so and I do really miss the place and to be in Swansea was lush. Of course I got to catch up with Luke again, was lovely to see him as always, we had a good time, some of my Welsh friends came down which was sweet, and some of my ex’s friends/family came along and were lovely to me which I was expecting so that was nice. I did my makeup like Nikki Sixx of course, and me and Nick bought a huge box of Krispy Kreme doughnuts to share with Jonno and co on the way home. That night always went down very well at the Hangar 18, it’s a great venue and we got a lot of walk-ins which I wasn’t expecting. I recommend hiring the venue and going to see bands play there. We need to support more venues and Hangar 18 is definitely a great one to support.

A ‘Psycho’ Belated Christmas
Vlog link : A Psycho Weekend In Brighton!
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This was way back in January! Sorry this isn’t in date order. I stayed at my good friend Rowena’s house for a long weekend, it was around the same time as her youngest son’s birthday and also she was doing belated Christmas celebrations as I don’t think she got to see him over the festive period. So there was still Christmas decorations up, we went for Christmas dinner at the local pub, saw the new Mary Poppins movie, we went ice skating etc, it was a really lovely break away actually. The thing I love about Rowena, is that she is so excitable and, I don’t quite know how to describe it or what the word is… but she doesn’t do things by halves. Like she made such a huge effort with her Halloween decorations, her entire house was done out with decorations, fake spiders, you name it… and it was exactly the same for Christmas and I think that is a really beautiful and lovely way to be, and I wish there were more people in the world like Rowena because she is such a stunning fantastic woman and the way she expresses herself is very unique and inspiring… a lot of females don’t have the ‘balls’ to be like her, and I am glad that she does. I wouldn’t want her to be any other way. Anyway, the highlight for me has to be the fact that I brought with me all the Psycho DVD’s. At this time I was obsessed with Psycho, I had read the book watched the film.. now it was time for part 2, 3 & 4. DAMN! We are wimps! There was a jump scare in Pyscho 2, and boy did we scream… her son and his friend actually came to check on us. On the last night we decided to binge watch the final series of Bates Motel on Netflix (absolutely fantastic.. go watch it), we had infinite cups of tea, so much so that we were peeing every 5 mins, we had left over cakes and mince pies… we had our PJ’s on, fluffy slippers, blankets, chocolates… it was so blissful, it honestly was. I’d love to do that again some time.

The Struts in Bournemouth
Vlog link: Welcome To The Family Baby
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OH.MY.GOD! This was such an incredible gig. Definitely the best gig I attended in 2019 for sure. This band were so good that they even managed to get my Dad to join in with their ‘human firework’ routine. He was clapping along and having a bit of a bop… trust me, that is pretty hard work – so these guys MUST be freakin’ awesome! I’d love to work with these guys, god I’d do anything to have them headline a Nozfest. I’ll sell a kidney if I have to. There is nothing better than when a band knows exactly how to put on a killer show, and The Struts have perfected that to a tea. Was great to see such a diverse audience too. Bring back the 1970’s glam boys please!  Luke Spiller is just like a modern day Freddie Mercury with such an essence of Marc Bolan and the moves of Mick Jagger – the perfect frontman… try and convince me otherwise! Watching that band on stage just makes me think “God, that’s where I want to be in the next 10 years”. I wanna be putting on bands like this and packing out venues across the UK – let’s expand Nozfest to the MAX man. Dude, they took a final bow to the end theme tune of ‘Only Fools and Horses’, that is absolute class in its purest form.

BOURNEMOUTH OCEANARIUM DATE
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This was such a lovely day in all honesty. We picked the perfect time to go as well, a cold rainy November during the day time so we pretty much had the place to ourselves. The Otters and Penguins are always a highlight for me. The Otters remind me of my little Billy and Teddy with the way they play and seek attention – so adorable, perfect way to cheer up during a down spell.
It was my idea to go to Bournemouth during the day time, we usually always went in the evening and our usual ‘routine’ was to go to the cinema. I thought changing it up and going to the Oceanarium would make a nice little change – we were home by 7pm which was perfect for me! Was nice to go home and chill out before going to sleep, even though I did end up feeling really poorly. We had TGI’s for dinner as well, which was pretty good. I want to do more things during the day time – I’m boring and like the comfort of a nice warm home during the winter; toasting my feet on the radiator with a Christmas jumper and cup of tea is the highlight of these sucky early dark evenings for me. We went for a walk along the pier before getting dinner, the sunset was so pretty reflecting off the water – I can remember walking along and get taking in the scenery thinking “we are so lucky to live in a place like this“, and that was a rather positive thought that put a smile on my face amongst the many negative thoughts I had been having. It’s the little things ❤

AIRBOURNE IN SOUTHAMPTON
Vlog Link : Airbourne – Tyler Bryant Likes My Eyebrows!
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OH MY GOSH THEY WERE INSANE! I think Airbourne might’ve been one of my favourite gigs of the year, after The Struts!
Was such a good day as well – it was a day I just suddenly started feeling myself again, I was proper happy, I felt confident, I felt strong and independent and that life was good. What a way to celebrate some happiness, with an awesome rock band called Airbourne. I also met Tyler Bryant after the show, who I’ve always thought is beautiful and very talented – he’s one of my favourite guitarists to be honest. We got a cheeky little selfie together, and he told me that he likes my eyebrows! “Hey, I like your eyebrows, they are super cool, I’ve not seen that before”, just had to let out a girlish giggle and try not to pass out. I saw a lot of my old friends there too which was super cool, one of which I haven’t seen for possibly 8 years! I actually had my first ever McDonald’s breakfast that day too, and realised why people rave about the hash browns, yummy. I wore this really pretty red velvet crop top with long puffy arms which made me feel like a proper 1970’s throwback, I was loving life on this day, which is sometimes a bit of a rarity for me. My Dad wasn’t the biggest fan of the gig, I mean… it’s Airbourne, they are pretty damn loud, and you have to expect a mosh pit and whatever else to go down. Personally, I really enjoyed the bands performance, there was a lot of drunk people there which occasionally got on my nerves, but I was a bit too busy having a good time to really care that much.

 

NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS FOR 2020:
– Find happiness in the small things
– Learn to love myself properly
– Read more
– Find my old self and be here as much as possible ❤
– Achieve more of my dreams
– Never let a man make me feel small and stupid.

Don’t forget to check me out on social media – your support is greatly appreciated ❤ :
INSTAGRAM – JodieBowie
INSTAGRAM – Nozfest
FACEBOOK – JodieBowie
FACEBOOK – Nozfest
FB GROUP – Nozfest
WEBSITE – www.nozfest.org
YOUTUBE – JodieBowie

See you all in the New Year!!

Jodie x ❤ x

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JodieBowie : The Night Club

It’s really late at night/really early in the morning, and my anxiety is stinging me like a b*tch right now – so I decided to write one of these poemy style blog things. Hopefully you’ll enjoy it. It sucks so much not liking yourself, it is so tiring and to anyone who feels the same… I hear you… let’s try and hang in there! It’s nearly 2020!
You can click here to read my previous blog of a similar vain…

DISCLAIMER : Just subjects that enter my mind at random and I write about. 

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The night club is a place to party
To let yourself go, and to dance
To meet new people and have fun
A place to go when you need a laugh

The night club is a place for drinking
A place for drugs and a place for sex
To see your friends and to meet new ones
It’s also a place to forget your ex

The night club is a place to hide secrets
Who knows what goes on in those photo booths
A place to take pictures when you are drunk
Or to cheat on your partner in comfort

The night club is a place where mistakes can happen
Snogging that girl with lustful passion
Taking her home without any romance
An easy place to pick up a one night stand

The night club is a place to hurt people
A place to think you can hide your pain
A place where you think your secrets will stay
Only all secrets find away to escaping

The night club is a place where it ends
No more of this, no more of the trends
I don’t want to see you, I don’t want to see her
To you the night was all of a blur

The night club is a place you’ll regret
When I walk out the door with my head held high
Knowing my heart is in the right place
Even though it is now damaged and tainted

I’ll say goodbye and tell you a tale
About how the night club ruined our story.

Written 19/12/2019 – 00:22

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Don’t forget to check me out on social media to stay updated on all things in ones life:
INSTAGRAM – JodieBowie
INSTAGRAM – Nozfest
FACEBOOK – JodieBowie
FACEBOOK – Nozfest
FB GROUP – Nozfest
WEBSITE – www.nozfest.org
YOUTUBE – JodieBowie 

See you soon

Jodie x ❤ x

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Top 5 Songs of November & December

One month left until this year of 2019 is OVER!! This year has just flown by hasn’t it?! Maybe in the next blog I’ll be recommending an X-Mas tune!! 
To be honest I haven’t really been listening to much music this month, so please bare with while I try and recommend some great tunes from November. 
Don’t forget to click here to check out the previous songs. 😉
This is also the last blog in the  Top 5 series!! :O I may bring it back… but for now, this will be the last one.

Remember there is a YouTube playlist which includes all these wonderful songs from each month, and also a Spotify playlist which you can find via searching for ‘jodieharris15‘.

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DOOM AND GLOOM – THE ROLLING STONES
“I try to stay sober but I end up drunk…”

It’s been a little while since I listened to this tune. Have to admit Doom and Gloom and One More Shot are not one of my favourites. However, this cheeky little number popped up in my suggested on YouTube – I happened to have my earphones in and gave it a whirl… and my god!! The bass… f*ck me!! I was hooked all over again. I turned into a right little swagger Jagger!
I’ve been a fan of this band for most of my life (20 years to be exact), and I’m still finding new stuff that turns me on to the band even now. In my eyes they are utterly flawless and the best rock ‘n’ roll band in history. They’ve survived nearly 60 years in the business, barely changing the line-up – they have my respect all the way with that one.
For me, if you don’t know your Stones… don’t call yourself a music fan. They’ve inspired all bands throughout history, and stayed on top of their game no matter what genres have pushed through. As Keith says “There’s the sun, the moon, and the Rolling Stones.
You cannot deny the fact they are LEGENDS. 

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LET’S GET ROCKED – DEF LEPPARD
“Seven day weekend… up all night…”

Just an absolute classic 80’s rock tune. Need to feel good? Getting for a night out? Wanna feel like the badass you are? Stick on this song, perfect starter to any night!
For me this song is perfect for getting me all pumped up for a night out. It makes me feel confident, sexy and I really fancy a Jack & Coke when I hear this – so much fun to dance to as well. For me, I just feel like I could walk up to anyone who thinks the worst of me, do one heck of a sexy hair flip, a cheeky little wink, give ’em the finger, do a couple of shots and be like “f*ck you, I’m better than you“. I NEED THAT FEELING SO BAD!! Damn I wish I was part of this Motley Crue, Def Leppard, Poison and Joan Jett tour… aaaaggghhh. Life goals man.

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YOU AND I – BETH BLADE & THE BEAUTIFUL DISASTERS
“When you can’t let go, but it hurts to hold on…”

We’ve all been a situation like this song suggests. I’m sure we have. This song has just sort of played on my mind over the past few months. I kept reverting back to it when I’m feeling not so positive. I guess you could apply to quite a few different circumstances, and just have a moment of ‘getting over it’.

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WESTERN SAND – DOIN’ ME WRONG
“You played me like a fool, you played me like a game…”

I can safely say that Western Sand are my Dad’s favourite NWOCR band – and they are pretty good. I’m probably bias cos I’ve known the boys coming up to almost 11 years. Western Sand was actually one of the first bands I ever worked with, so they are partly to thank for my success – thank you boys!!
I love this song so much – it’s proper beefy, riffy, hard hitting… ugghhh I love a tune like this. Literally, grab a can of Jack & Coke, take your top off and bang your damn head and you’ll realise just how fabulous this track is.

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LIAR – INGLORIOUS
“You’re a liar, when it all transpires only truth can set you free…”

This is a song that always pops into my head when I have a funny feeling. You know when someone says something, and your gut is just like “you’re a liar“… except it’s Nathan James singing it. Inglorious are a phenomenal band, and we all should know by now that Nathan is one of my favourite singers – the pipes on this man is out of this world incredible! Please, if you haven’t seen this band live yet…GO SEE THEM! You’ll be in owe for the whole night with your mouth wide open, trust me.

DECEMBER:

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MONKEY BUSINESS – SKID ROW
“Can’t close the closet on a shoe box full of bones…”

I saw Skid Row at The Engine Rooms, although I wasn’t really in the mood for a 4 band line-up gig after my massively long day at work whilst coming down with the flu… this was a tune that caught my attention.

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RUNNIN’ WILD – AIRBOURNE
“I’m sick of your crap and your moaning whine…”

I loveeeee Airbourne! We saw them at the start on the month at the Guildhall and they were insane!!! I’ve seen them before at Download, but this gig was a whole different ball game. Probably one of my fave gigs on 2019 in my opinion. Just generally a very great and entertaining bad in all forms really. Definitely go check ’em out and see them live if you haven’t already, not really an experience you want to be missing out on.

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PAPER PLANE – STATUS QUO
“Riding on a big white butterfly…”

A band that are far more than their traditional Christmas tours! This band always getting me rocking, and are absolutely fantastic if you want get sloshed. I always listen to Quo when I wanna jump up and down, flip my hair around the place and get through my bottle of wine within half and hour. Works a damn treat. Feel completely indestructible singing a long to the chorus’ also.

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SUCKER – JOLLY JOKER
“Hey sucker, hey f*cker…”

The intro to this track is simply orgasmic! I think I have said that before in a past blog, but it truly is. Spotify has recently created playlists for each year I’ve had the app…. apparently this was a very popular song to me back in 2017. I’m so glad to have rediscovered it. Thank you Spotify for being such a legend. Go and check this awesome band out if you haven’t stumbled across them already 😉

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LET’S PLAY BALL – AC/DC
“Come on man, mix in the sin, come in and join the crowd…”

It is just a classic! Again, I found this song be going through my old Spotify playlists, and what a lovely surprise it was to find a song that just hits the spot so perfectly…. then again the band is AC/DC. Another great tune to add to the Xmas party music list, or even NYE for that fact!! ❤

 

And that is it for another month!! I hope you have enjoyed my top 5 songs of this month – I can’t believe we are in December…. Merry bloomin’ Christmas!! ❤
Don’t forget to check me out on all my social media pages to stay updated:
INSTAGRAM – JodieBowie
INSTAGRAM – Nozfest
FACEBOOK – JodieBowie
FACEBOOK – Nozfest
FB GROUP – Nozfest
WEBSITE – www.nozfest.org
YOUTUBE – JodieBowie

See you soon!!

Jodie x ❤ x

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Why is Christmas so Difficult?!

I’m sure I’m not the only person on this planet who suffers with their mental health, especially when the Christmas period is approaching! I thought I’d write a blog, which may or may not start a discussion. Feel free to give it a read if this interests you.

I’m in no way looking for attention or suggesting that everyone who suffers with their mental health will also ‘dislike’ Christmas. This is general discussion and opinions. We are all allowed to disagree 🙂 

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I personally really do struggle with my mental health around Christmas time. Usually from around the 22nd of December right up until maybe the 3rd week of January. That sounds like a long time doesn’t it?

I do actually really enjoy the process of buying gifts, and giving presents – as much as I am a bit of a cheap skate through-out the rest of the year, I am pretty good when it comes to getting everyone’s presents. I love scrolling through places online, and purchasing gifts that people wouldn’t have thought of, having a look around the shops and the Christmas markets in town, to see if I can find something that someone will really appreciate etc. I love sentimental things as well, as I like to make things or write something really special in a card, and then wrapping everything up – I just get a lot of joy out of that part of the festive season.

What about the food? Everyone loves the food Jodes! I do, I do love the food. The traditional roast dinner, the mince pies, the Christmas pudding (specially purchased from Waitrose, just for the giant orange in the centre), the cheese board, the turkey sandwiches, will you have a Christmas cake, a yule log or a stollen… oh let’s have all 3! It’s Christmas after all! Oh and how can I forget about the selection boxes of chocolates!!
The food, is probably one of the best parts of the season, am I right?
Got to love a good ol’ Christmas cracker as well!

Oh and the tele! I’m a sucker for the Christmas episode of EastEnders – do we still get our Doctor Who Christmas special?
Oh and the movies – usually the classic Disney movies, with a couple of cheeky Christmas classics thrown in. We have our Christmas comedy specials as well…. oh the TV is something to be gathered around at Crimbo isn’t it.

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And of course the booze! Who doesn’t get a little tipsy when they are feeling merry and bright? Can’t say that I am huge lover of the Mulled Wine, but I am partial to a snow ball occasionally 🙂 I don’t know if it is the same for everyone, but we seem to stock up on alcohol we usually never drink! Bottle of whisky, bottle of rum, bottle of vodka just for good luck, throw in a bottle of port just because it tis the season to be jolly, of course we must have every colour of wine – white, red and rose just in case, can’t forget that advocaat for the snow balls, why not throw in a bottle of bailey’s just for good measure…. all drinks we never even think about during the other 11 months of the year, but for some reason, at Christmas time… we drink everything!

Christmas doesn’t really sound so bad does it? What could be so bad about the festive season?
The food is divine, we get gifted with presents that make us smile, we decorate our houses with cards, lights and trees full of tinsel, we drink all the alcohol we can possibly consume whilst watching crappy Christmas tele, which actually isn’t always crappy.

What about feeling lonely? In a house full of people. What about not getting invited to the family Christmas party on Boxing Day? What about not getting a secret Santa present? What about not having anyone special to share the festive season with? What about having no family to spend your time with? What about having no plans? What about not being able to afford Christmas as a whole?

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Christmas was great when I was a child. I’d see my cousin, and usually get all the toys I wanted, and I’d get 2 whole weeks to just play with them all day long, as a kid I was far too busy with the latest Barbie and Nintendo game to worry about how much time it took my parents to wrap and hide the presents, for my Mum to cook our Christmas meal, I was too busy playing with my Tamagotchi with my cousins to watch TV. Christmas was the best time of year when I was young! Suddenly, when you get to about 14, the toys seem to slowly dwindle… and you end up being gifted with an infinite number of socks and pants, that somehow turn into spare Tupperware lids throughout the year.

Then there’s the Christmas songs. The songs that are played on repeat in every single store you go in. the songs that the second you hear them during the first week of November, you are instantly reminded of the depressive state ahead, the stress of getting everything ‘just right’. You can’t escape the commercialised joy of Christmas that is forced fed down our throats from the end of September… although, as soon as January 1st rolls around, it might as well be Easter! We get told how we should prepare our dinners, what gifts we should buy, what festive foods we should be eating, the secret to wrapping the perfect present, how we should decorate our tree, how to have the BEST Christmas… when really, all we care about is who will win ‘I’m A Celebrity…’.

So, why am I personally not a fan of Christmas?
For me, I don’t have a lot of friends, and I have next to no family. I always feel extremely lonely, and Christmas day is one of the toughest days of the year for me. From the second my eyes open, everyone seems to be filled with the Christmas spirit, I start receiving texts from people who haven’t contacted me all year, but for some reason on Christmas day I always get the generic “merry xmas” message. The infinite posts on social media of people with their families, looking all happy and merry, opening their presents and just generally being cheery. Honestly, I get incredibly jealous. The people on Instagram having the ‘perfect Christmas’. What is the perfect Christmas?

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I spend Christmas with my Mum and Dad, which is no issue at all. My parents are 40 years older than me, so they most likely prefer a quiet Christmas – which I probably do as well. However, the gift exchanging process is always awkward – I know that no matter what I buy my Mum, she won’t like it, and she will let me know. It’s always a bit disheartening when you gift someone with a present you spent time and money on, and they can’t even manage a cheeky little smile – just a look of disappointment. Then there is the traditional argument on how you cook a turkey… and why it takes so long. Should the meat be left to rest to be nice and tender? Or shall we just cook everything at different times so the turkey is all nice and hot, but the vegetables are stone cold. Shall we have wine with our dinner, even though Mum will only have a sip because she doesn’t like alcohol – or shall we just drink whatever we want with our meal? Who’s pulling who’s cracker? What shall we watch on TV? Well you have to schedule in your programmes. Mum will want to watch Emmerdale on ITV1, which will clash with the classic Christmas movie on BBC1, while Dad will happily be drinking his bottle of Glenfiddich he’s been gifted while listening to music with his headphones in, knowing he can catch the classic ‘Carry On’ and ‘On the Buses’ films whilst everyone is sleeping.
What about a Christmas game? The tradition of a quiz or the dreaded Monopoly… oh no no no, that means we’ll actually have to communicate and somewhat tolerate each other!
Meanwhile, all my pals are having a delicious meal with their extended family, wearing their freshly unwrapped Christmas jumpers, perhaps even their other half is joining them, they’ll play a few rounds of scrabble whilst drinking their favourite tipple, maybe snack on a few cheeky chocolates before settling down in front of the box to watch a Movie… maybe even one on DVD! *sigh*

Then there is the horror of Boxing Day! The traditional… ‘visit the rest of the family’ day. Well, I’m not invited. I’m completely disowned by my Mum’s side of the family, so I don’t even get to have the option of an awkward, depressing, but somewhat fun little mingle with the blood relatives. In fact, I don’t even receive a Xmas card. They’ll write my Mums name in them, but not mine or my Dads. Sure makes me feel wanted!
Anytime I have made an appearance at a Family Festive dinner, the food has usually been awful – you see it is only made for the upperclass (for some odd reason, cinnamon and ginger goes in gravy…? and a Christmas pudding, is actually ginger cake…? And the roast potatoes are a no go, they are far too common. Dauphinoise is the way to go.), I will probably drink them out of wine, just so I can bare the awkward stares and sh*te conversation. I usually get those grotesque looks of “she has tattoos!“, “did she just down that whole glass of rose“, “oh god she is wearing fishnets“, “dear oh dear she is just like her father“, and dare I mention a band……. I may as well walk round with duct-tape on my mouth. Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t mind an invite though? Maybe I would even like to go. Maybe I would like to be awkwardly stared at, and quizzed over my body art and why I think Motley Crue should do a reunion tour. Maybe I would like to drink too much alcohol and have a Merry time with my Cousins and Uncles. At the end of the day, I grew up with my cousins, and even if the adults hate my guts… those cousins were my best friends at some point in my life, and maybe, just maybe, I’d like to sit around a table with them, all of us in our 20’s, talking about things we shouldn’t talk about at a dinner table, sipping on our merlot, tucking into a strange slice of cake and having a laugh! Maybe, I’d quite like that.

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Do I now sound spoilt? So what, you have no family? Poor you, some people don’t even have a home.
Trust me, I understand – I do. But I am allowed to feel how I feel.
And I feel lonely and left out, not included, I feel desperately lonely. Seeing everyone else have a great Christmas – it hurts.
I have to take a sleeping tablet on Christmas Eve to make sure I sleep until at least 9am (they are prescribed), and then I just cannot wait to go to bed Christmas day and Boxing day so it can all be over……… and then there is something even worse…………. NEW YEARS EVE.

Oh New Year’s Eve is like the big black dog, but in the form of the day! Hopefully this year will be different, because I have plans with my other half, and some friends. So I should be okay this year.
But my typical NYE usually consists of me not being invited out by friends, my Dad is usually working so I can’t even go out with him – it is typically me and my Mum sat watching Jools Holland on BBC2, whilst I’m trying my hardest to neck any spirits we have left in the house from our disheartening Christmas, waiting for the countdown so that I can chase my dog around the living room in the hopes I’ll get a kiss, then my Mum goes swiftly off to bed…. and I am left all alone thinking… “why me“.
I’ve never ever had a New Years kiss. I’m 23 and never had one.

I guess, I have just never had a festive period where someone has included me or put me first (since I was a child). I’ve never had a boyfriend to spend Christmas with, and when I have he was taken away and not allowed to see me again, I’ve never had friends over or had friends invite me out, everyone seems so busy with their own families… including MY family – and I think, maybe, I would quite like to have a proper family. That would be the best gift I could receive.

Tell the people that you love, that you love them. Do a good deed that will be appreciated by someone. Say Merry Christmas to that man in the street. Smile at a stranger who looks like they need it. Give your last penny to someone who needs it more than you do. Send a card to your neighbour, invite them round if they are spending Christmas alone. We are told so much that Christmas is a time for joy, love, sharing…. yet, how often does that really happen? Perhaps, just the movies?
We get penalised for being ‘The Grinches’ of Christmas… but maybe we are all a bit guilty of that.

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I guess the point I am trying to make, but making quite a hash of is, you never know what someone is going through at Christmas. You may be having such a wonderful time and feeling grateful for everything you have been blessed with… whilst someone else could be in tears, wishing they were you. Be kind to people at Christmas, invite your friends out, check on them, even if you are busy with your own festivities, just 30 seconds to say hello and wish them well, lets them know you are there.
Maybe surprise them and turn up on their door step on your way home, invite them over for a drink and a game, I’m sure there is plenty of leftovers to go around – their usually is in our house (especially as we don’t have guests). Just be there, and be aware.
And if you are feeling alone, like me, reach out, make a plan with someone, plan a phone call if you have someone you want to speak to and they are not too busy – and be grateful that you do have a family, and a roof over your head. Make the most of it, even if it is hard.
If all else fails………. that Waitrose Christmas Pudding, is totally worth it 😉 Joking.

I hope you have enjoyed this blog – sorry it’s been a bit rambley and has defeated the point of why I started writing this, and it’s gone a totally different direction – hopefully it is still readable and enjoyable! 

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Many festive returns!

Jodie x ❤ x

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