Life Update : Lockdown, Nozfest, New Style & CBT

How long has it been since an update? No idea! But quite a bit has actually happened. I really love writing these blogs 🙂 So without further a do, let’s update you all on the life of Jodie shall we….

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MENTAL HEALTH
I am writing a mental health series, I haven’t really updated it just yet so I guess this can be that update. I received my assessment back from Waterford House and I show no signs of any mental health disorders, however I am on the CBT silvercloud programme and waiting for me face to face therapy; I have to say I am loving CBT! It is a real life changer, if you are ever offered the opportunity to try it, please take it.
I feel like my mental health has improved a lot – I am lot more confident and happy in myself. I meditate before bed, and I feel that practicing mindfulness has helped a lot. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy teaches you a lot about thoughts, feelings and behaviours and how each effects the other, and it gives you the skills to stop yourself being negative towards yourself and others. I’m really looking forward to being let out into the real world and putting my new skills into practice.

NEW PROJECTS
I have enjoyed having CBT so much, that I been doing a lot of thinking, and I want to be able to help others through CBT too. I’m currently thinking of doing an online course in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, and also how to help others etc. I’m currently researching the best sites to go with, because I want it to be legit. I don’t want to do a cheap course and get a certificate that means absolutely nothing. I want to spend the extra money, and finish with something that I can put on my CV and it will actually mean something! Online courses is good for me as well, because I can do it in my own time, there is no deadline you have to be finished by – and I really enjoy learning about things by myself. I’m better at studying when it is something I’m genuinely interested in and don’t have a short time scale to complete something in. It’s just finding a place where I’ll actually be accredited at the end.

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RATTIES
Sadly, my beautifully BillyBobs passed away on the 15th May. It absolutely broke my heart. I am so proud of how much of a little fighter he was. We first found his tumour at the beginning of February, so he did really well to live such a good and healthy life right up until his last day. I made the decision to have him put to sleep as his breathing just went within a matter of hours – you genuinely know they are dying when it gets to that point, so it was the right decision. I’m still going through a bit of grief with it all, I miss him so much; it sounds daft to say but he really was my best friend. He was there for me through an awful lot of heartbreak, and he’d always be waiting for me to come home or to wake up – the bond we had was just so magical, and it is very sad he is no longer here.
I’ve also decided I don’t want anymore rats. I used to want females, but the way rats die is just so painful and upsetting, I really don’t want to have to go through that again. However, I do want ferrets in the future ❤
I still have my little TedBear, and I know it is considered cruel to have 1 rat, but I don’t want another and he is pretty anti-social, so it’s not really worth risking. He’s pretty content by himself and interacting with me when he feels like it.

NOZFEST/NOZLITE
Nozfest and Nozlite have obviously had to be postponed to 2021 – I’m pretty happy with this decision as I was in such a bad place mentally I just wasn’t focusing on those events anyway, so they probably would’ve flopped this year. I’ve been given a whole year to actually make these gigs go the way they should do, and put a lot more love and effort into them. I’ll honestly admit, I did nothing at all in terms of planning for Nozfest or Nozlite. All I did was book the dates and the bands and that was it. I did literally nothing else, and I’m pretty sure I would’ve still done nothing until a week before they happened and all hell would’ve broke lose. I just wasn’t in the right frame of mind to be working on such big projects. I had no interest at all in them. After the first Nozfest I felt like I had no purpose in life anymore, and I spent months beating myself up inside, bringing myself down, overthinking everything, I sent myself into a cycle of depression and anxiety that ruined my creativity, friendships and relationship. After Nozfest ended, it felt like I lost a life-long friend and I didn’t know what to do with myself, my whole world changed over night. It is scary! I am in a much better place now, I am more driven and focused again and I’m not scared anymore. I was so scared Nozfest 2020 was going to be a fail that I didn’t even try to make it work out. Luckily I’ve still got the same line-up but I’ve added Western Sand. It now takes place Saturday 14th August 2021 for £22!!

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LOCKDOWN RUBBISH 
For me, this Lockdown has sort of been a blessing in disguise for me. I genuinely needed a break from life to sort things out and get myself back on the right path, and lockdown happened at just the right time.
I’ve been able to really improve on my mental health, have a lot of time to myself, and decide what I want to do with my life in terms of being young.
I have no idea of a life plan – I know I’d like a house, a husband, a kid blah blah at some point in my life, and hopefully that will happen. For right now, I have more opportunities to do things I want to do (as I have a whole year free of gigging) – I want to travel to places, in the UK and abroad. I want to meet new people, I want to experience life! I have quite a few ideas on where I’d like to go on holiday, and I’m going to make sure they happen and don’t just stay in my bucket list. I used to love road-tripping when I was 21, and there is no reason at all why I can’t still just leave and do things – I have no responsibilities now. I don’t have pets, I don’t have Nozfest to save for… I have time and money to experience life, even if I don’t start doing all these things until next year, I still have all this time to save and plan and it’s exciting!

NEW STYLE
I recently purchased a pair of magnetic eyelashes, and they’ve changed my life! I’d wear strip lashes a lot, because I just thought I looked weird without long lashes, but I suck at applying them. I finally invested in magnetic lashes, and now I feel like I don’t need makeup! All I need to do, is pop on a pair of lashes and a little lip gloss and I’m good to go – and I am loving it ❤ I don’t really like wearing a full face of makeup in hot weather anyway, it’s just too hot to be wearing that amount of makeup, and this year I have really grown to love my freckles; they are super cute and it’s a shame to hide them. So all I do now is either use moisturiser or a setting spray all over the face, contour my face, pop on a lash, highlight and then apply a nude lippy and gloss – been getting a lot of compliments since I started being more natural too.
I’ve been going a little crazy over the clothing sales on Boohoo too. I’ve bought myself jeans, crop tops, tops that normal people would wear… I did also splurge out on a lot of leopard print but that don’t count 😉 I just got a little bored of how I’ve been dressing the exact same since I was 20 years old. Suddenly I’m braless, wearing thongs, and don’t feel ashamed about baring my midriff. I am finally embracing ME! ❤

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MUSIC
I’ve been listening to a lot of music from my childhood recently. I can’t say I was getting ‘bored’ for rock and metal music, but I wasn’t getting as much enjoyment, I needed something a bit refreshing.
When I was a kid, I used to listen to a lot of Michael Jackson – and I’ve really enjoyed going back to that period of life. A lot of happy memories came back to light, and Jackson music just goes with Summer Sun really doesn’t it?! I also bought his book ‘Moon Walk’ and read it in 5 days flat! (let’s not go into the controversy – each to their own). I also started listening to Prince, and not just the one or two songs everyone knows. He is growing on me a lot. And of course I had to go right back to my early years, I’ve been listening to a lot of Rolling Stones – they are still the best band in the world for me; along with The Who, Status Quo. Oh I’ve just been having a whale of a time with this ‘new’ music ❤ 

FRIENDS
Instead of making ‘new’ friends, I decided to make ‘old’ friends. Some friendships are worth keeping, and worth working on. I find it hard to make new friends in general; but I have a lot of pals I went to school with or have known for many years whom I don’t really see or speak to – and since we were given all of this free time, I made new friends with people I already knew 🙂 I’m really happy about that, and I’m super excited to be able to see them all in person and hopefully maintain lifelong friendships with them all.

 

I think that is all I have to update you guys on! I hope you have enjoyed this blog, hopefully my new love of life has been nice for some of you to read about. I hope everyone has been staying safe, or staying alert… which ever advice you’ve been following. Soon enough I’m sure all of this will be ‘over’. Let’s make sure we keep up the positivity and love for ourselves and each other ❤

Please feel free to check out my social media platforms if you’re interested in following my day to day life, and want instant updates on all things Nozfest:
INSTAGRAM : JodieBowie
INSTAGRAM : Nozfest
FACEBOOK : JodieBowie
FACEBOOK : Nozfest
FB GROUP : Nozfest
WEBSITE : www.nozfest.org
YOUTUBE : JodieBowie

Stay upbeat dudes!

Jodie x ❤ x

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CBT : “Getting Started” – Understanding Depression.

Cognitive behavioural therapy has been such a life changer for me, and I thought perhaps starting a blog series sharing what I have learnt may help others who might not have immediate access to this kind of therapy 🙂
In this blog we are going to delve into the world of depression. We are going to find out what we know about depression and learn more about the illness and how CBT can help along the way. 

I just want to note, I am not a professional by any means, so don’t take everything I write down as fact – however, I am using all my notes I took during completing the modules to write these blogs.

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GETTING STARTED

What do you know about depression?

  1. Depression is thought to affect 322 million people worldwide.
  2. Antidepressant medication can be an important part of treatment. However, research shows that a combination of therapy and medication may be the best treatment.
  3. Talking to someone you trust about your feelings can help your recovery.
  4. Actual clinical depression involves far more than an emotion or a mood. There are a wide range of symptoms.
  5. CBT is the most commonly used psychological treatment for depression.
  6. Depression can affect people of all ages, genders and walks of life.

Depression can cause changes in your thinking, affect what you do and impact how you are feeling physically in your body. 

Cycle of Depression:
1. Negative Thinking
2. Low Mood
3. Loss of pleasure and achievement
4. Reduced Activity

My example : 
1. “I am no good at anything”
2. Feeling sad, depressed, lonely etc
3. No longer want to read a book or do creative writing
3. Stop doing the things I enjoyed all together.

Depression and Emotions:
When a person is depressed, they experience strong and negative emotions. These include:
– Sadness
– Despair
– Guilt
– Irritability
– Anxiety
In depression, it is often the intensity and duration of these emotions that is difficult to handle. I know that is true for me.

Depression and Thoughts:
– Negative thoughts such as “I’m not good enough”, or “I’ll never be able to do this” play a role in the development and maintenance of depression.
– Negative thoughts often accompany negative emotions.
– The negative thoughts associated with depression are intense, automatic and often absolute.
– When a person is depressed, negative thoughts may repeat over and over again. (Rumination).

Depression and Physical Reactions:
Common physical reactions to depression are:
– Lack of energy
– Reduced or increased appetite
– Sleeping problems
– Restlessness
– Muscle Tension
– Reduced or lack of interest in sex
– Aches and pains for no apparent reason
– Concentration problems
– Low motivation

Depression and Behaviours:
Some common changes in behaviour associated with depression are:
– Not doing as much as you used to do
– Withdrawing from the outside world
– Avoiding things
– Lack of motivation
– Not taking care of yourself

Depression and Self-Harm:
People who use self-harm as a way to cope with their depression have often experienced difficulties in their lives or relationships.
Distractions can be useful when having self-harm thoughts, such as:
– Taking a bath
– Do something to look after yourself
– Going for a walk
– Drawing
– Punch a pillow
– Write a list
– Play with a pet
– Call a friend
If you still feel the urge to self-harm, you can try these techniques:
– Draw on yourself with a red marker
– Mix warm water + food colouring and put it on your skin

I’m not going to include what else the module recommended because I personally thought they’d cause more harm than good. 

Depression and Suicidal Thoughts:
Depression can make you feel as though pain and unhappiness will never end. It is important to remember that most difficulties are temporary, or you can learn from them.

It is vital that you share your thoughts with a doctor or therapist.

CBT and Depression:
The key idea of CBT is that your thoughts, moods and behaviours are not separate. They are linked and influence each other.
How effective is CBT?

  • Research proves CBT to be highly effective for conditions such as anxiety, depression, agoraphobia and other phobias.
  • It can be as effective as antidepressants.
  • CBT recognises you as an expert on your own experiences, and empowers you to make changes.
  • It works best when you put the skills you learn in to practice in your daily life.

CHANGE VIEW : 10 Key Facts about CBT:
Change your thoughts and actions
Homework : Practising skills
Action : Make realistic change
Need : Identify your main problem
Goals : Move towards achievement of them
Evidence : CBT works
View events from another realistic angle
I can do it : Self-help approach
Experience : Test out your beliefs
Write it down : To remember progress.

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The Thoughts Feeling Behaviours Cycle: (TFB)
All of these may seem to happen at once, or within moments of each other. 

  1. Thoughts
  2. Feelings
  3. Physical reactions
  4. Behaviours

My example:

  1. I am unemployable
  2. Hopelessness, fear, anxiety
  3. Tummy ache, crying
  4. Avoid interviews

Use this cycle to notice when something is happening. The cycle can be changed simply by breaking a link 🙂
i.e change a thought or feeling and how you react and behave.
For example :
1. I am unemployable, but I can change that.
2. Confident, less scared, prepared
3. Look and apply for jobs
4. Attend interviews
^^ I hope this made sense.

Hopefully this has given you an indication as to whether CBT may or may not be a useful tool for you to use in your own daily life.
In the next blog I will be sharing how to Understand Feelings.

 

Please also feel free to follow me on social media to follow my journey :
(I am only going to share my personal and blogging platforms in this series)
Instagram : JodieBowie
Facebook : JodieBowie
YouTube : JodieBowie

See you next time!

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How CBT Helped to Change My Life.

As I am going to be starting my Cognitive Behavioural Therapy blog series on here very soon, I thought I’d share with you guys before hand some of things that CBT has helped me with in my own life. Honestly, CBT is genuinely life changing and I have a whole new outlook on life now ❤ 

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  1. I discovered I am a ‘ruminator’.
    Rumination is when you think of a bad experience or thought over and over and over again. I did this all the time. It is basically a bad habit, but CBT helped me to recognise that this is a habit of mine and showed me tips on how to nip that in the bud.
  2. CBT taught me that not all friends are the right friends in certain circumstances.
    I often felt like some of my friends didn’t/don’t help me when I am going through certain situations or emotions. During CBT I was taught that it doesn’t make these people bad friends, it just means they are not the right friend to help with that particular problem – but you will have a friend who can help you and that is totally fine and normal.
  3. I learnt that I don’t communicate in relationships. 
    I kind of knew that I wasn’t the best at talking through either of my relationships, however during one of the modules it showed and discussed how communication is important in terms of relationships and how the right kind of communication really helps. I feel a lot more confident that I wont screw up in the future. I’ll probably still need to brush up on my skills, but I understand what I wasn’t doing correctly, and what I need to do next time I am in a relationship etc.
  4. I’m now excited to put my newly learned/acquired skills into practice.
    I genuinely cannot wait to start using the skills I have learned through CBT – I’m so excited about using them in my day to day life. I already have to a certain extent and I can already feel and notice the changes it has made to my life and my self.
  5. It’s okay not to be positive all the time.
    You’re not expected to be on top form 24/7 – but when you feel yourself sinking back into a black hole, you are given ways into which you can stop that from happening.
  6. I haven’t held on to a thought for ages. 
    I often held on to thoughts. I held on to them so much they became problems that weren’t even there in the first place. I haven’t thought about anything for a good while now, and I’m not even sure how I managed to be the way I was!
  7. I’ve learnt to let go.
    I learnt this more through meditation, but I find it easier to let go of thoughts, feelings and emotions now. I’d hold on to things for so long, it wasn’t good. Now when I feel myself getting a bit worked up, I just breathe slowly and let go and move on with my day.
  8. I have control over how I think and feel.
    We can change and control how we feel and think by the way we react to things. I have the power to turn my frown upside down and thank goodness I do.
  9. Thoughts are NOT facts. 
    I loved this. I found it super useful and uplifting to discover how to change a thought in this way. For example; “everyone hates me“… is there actual proof of this thought being true? No? Then it isn’t true and you can let it go. I know it doesn’t sound like rocket science, but for me it was something I really needed to learn.
  10. I understand and do not judge.
    I’ve always been understanding, but I realise now I used to be a bit too judgemental in certain areas of life. I’ve learnt that that is a negative way to be, and now I’m not fussed about other peoples differences. You shouldn’t try and change people, especially if you love them.
  11. I distance myself from drama. 
    I used to feel like I always had to share my side of the story. Now I just don’t talk to people who I know are going to try and create a drama out of my life, for whatever reason. This is also a reason I turn my phone off 90% of the time. I don’t really go on social media either. I find that people just like to share drama, no matter what or whom it’s about – and I really just cannot be bothered to have that in my life anymore. I like positive things – I like seeing people being happy, and sharing kindness!
  12. I have so much more time for myself and I like who I am now because of it. 
    I feel like CBT has brightened up my life a lot. I like who I have become thanks to this therapy, and I want to keep working towards being a better and brighter person. I also have time to do things I love doing; now I’m distanced from negativity I am able to write things, read, make videos, go on walks and I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything ❤

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I hope you have enjoyed this blog! I will be starting my CBT series very soon and I can’t wait to share it with people, I hope my experiences will be able to help others 🙂
The first blog will be an insight into Depression.

Don’t forget to follow me on social media if you want to see my journey 🙂 :
(Only going to be linking my personal and blog pages in this series)
INSTAGRAM : JodieBowie
FACEBOOK : JodieBowie
YOUTUBE : JodieBowie

See you guys very soon 🙂

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Things To Help Keep You Positive

I have found that since I started doing Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT), I have noticed a real positive change in myself. I have also realised there are lots of super easy things that help to keep me positive; so I thought I’d share with you just a few things I do to keep me on the up side of day to day life 🙂 I hope this is helpful to someone. 

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  1. Not using my phone – at all.
    Personally, turning my phone off has been the best decision I have ever made. They are great powers of communication, but they are also so full of negativity. I turn mine off, turn it on maybe once or twice a week. Anyone who needs me has my home phone/email, and I sometimes check FB on my laptop. Otherwise I am phone and social media free, and it’s like a breath of fresh air ❤
  2. Meditating for 30 – 40mins before bed.
    Meditating is actually really good to help you relax. It also helps you have more of an understanding of yourself. Sitting for a few moments and practicing to ‘let go’ is a really powerful and helpful tool for daily life.
  3. Going for a walk 
    Exercise will always help you feel better, even if you don’t want to go. You don’t have to go very far, or jog or run, you can just pop your earphones in and go for a little stroll down your road – take in all that fresh air. Practice your breathing along the way.
  4. Watching a movie with the family
    Family is underrated. It is in my household anyway. Take the time to see your family, and watch a movie. I’m sure many of you have Netflix, pick a movie… sit and watch it together. You’ll feel so much better afterwards.
  5. Reading a book
    Reading is really good for the mind. It is also a form of escapism – I’ve got back into reading recently, and honestly if I had to choose between a book and my mobile phone, I’d choose a book. I find it really fulfilling seeing how many pages you’ve got through as well. It’s an achievement you can see.
  6. Doing makeup and taking photos
    It isn’t vain. If you love doing make-up, keep doing make-up, and take photos so you can see how your skills have improved. It isn’t narcissistic, it is therapeutic and a great way to express creativity. Just like drawing, or painting.
  7. Writing out positive quotes
    I have a thing for positive quotes at the moment. Reading them makes me feel like ‘life’ isn’t so bad. Write them down in a little book, and take a look at them once in a while. Find some that relate to you and a situation… even share them with other people. Spread the positivity! The world needs more of it.
  8. Sitting by yourself
    I know this isn’t always a great idea, as our thoughts can drive us into black holes. Just find a nice spot, somewhere warm, cosy, inside or outside and just breathe for a while, and think. If negativity seeps in, just start focusing on breathing or your surroundings. A few moments alone can do us good sometimes. It is good to get out of your personal space.
  9. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy
    Not everyone will be able to do this, but, if you have the chance – TAKE IT! It is honestly the best decision you’ll ever make, and it really is life changing. I was sceptical to begin with, and now I’ve worked through it a bit, I can see and benefit from the difference it has made. Find some tips online, read up on it. CBT is so awesome!
  10. Phoning a friend who uses positive affirmations
    I read this during my CBT course. Not all friends are right to talk to, and that is absolutely fine! Sometimes you need to figure out who the right friends are to talk to when you are feeling a bit low. Friends who use positive affirmations are the best to go to when you need a pep talk. Friends who say things like “you can do this”, or “I’m proud of you”, or “things are going to be okay”, are brilliant people – I find they have the kindest souls and are little rays of sunshine. Avoid friends who emphasise your negative thoughts – I’ve made the mistake many times, on going to friends because they are my friends, and then get a mouthful of negativity back. Don’t do it, trust me.
  11. Listen to some real feel good music
    Music is good for you. Doesn’t matter if it is rock, pop, metal, jazz, R&B, house etc… if there is some music that makes you feel good, listen to it! Listen to it at a good volume and have fun. I’ve gotten into Prince recently, and now I’m a little raspberry beret of smiles haha.
  12. Don’t be afraid to be happy
    Nothing bad is going to happen just because you are happy. I know sometimes things can seem to good to be true, but have faith in yourself and let yourself enjoy more moments of happiness to the maximum. Don’t be scared. Embrace the moment ❤
  13. Knowing your worth
    It seems obvious, but sometimes we think so little of ourselves that we forget we are always worth something. Try and remind yourself often that you ARE worth your wants and needs. Have faith that everything is going to be just fine, and believe in yourself. Once you notice your worth, you’ll find it so much easier to be positive an enjoy life for what it is.
  14. Leave the past in the past
    Whatever bad stuff happened yesterday or any other day in the past – forget about. Leave it in the past. Let it go. Don’t bring it with you into your future, it’ll hold you back. Let it go. It happened, learn what you can from it and be a better you tomorrow.
  15. Treat yourself
    It can be anything. Something you’ve always wanted, a holiday, something you really need. I’ve treated myself to a holiday for my 25th and a new wardrobe. You don’t have to shell out loads of pennies, but sometimes a little treat can help lift our spirits – something to look forward to etc.
  16. Be kind to yourself and others
    Always be kind. Kindness is rewarding, so be kind to yourself, and be kind to other people. Spread the love, spread the positive vibes, smile, be brave and be kind.

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I hope this blog has been helpful to someone 🙂 I’m still learning about ways to keep positive myself, but I am loving the journey.
I am also going to be typing up my notes from CBT and compiling them into blogs to share with others – so anyone who can’t have CBT, or isn’t too sure… you can have a little look for yourself before you commit to going for it 🙂
I hope everyone is doing super well!

Don’t forget to give me a little follow on my social media, if you’d like to :
INSTAGRAM : JodieBowie
INSTAGRAM : Nozfest
FACEBOOK : JodieBowie
FACEBOOK : Nozfest
FB GROUP : Nozfest
WEBSITE : www.nozfest.org
YOUTUBE : JodieBowie

Love you loads ❤

Jodie x ❤ x

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Mental Health Update : iTalk Check In, CBT and SilverCloud.

This is the forth update in the series. Feels like we might finally be getting somewhere! Only been 4 months….. I received a call back from iTalk where we discussed my current situations and the process for getting signed up for CBT. So, here is me updating you all.
You can click here to read the previous update of course.

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So, in my previous blog I talked with someone from Waterford House about my next step. I was referred there because iTalk were concerned that I was too high risk for them to be able to help with alone, however since then some situations have changed so they feel happy enough to have me back as it were, and I’ve been signed up for CBT counselling.

On Wednesday 22nd of April, I received a call from iTalk again to discuss the next step and how I have been feeling since the last discussion.
I was actually doing super well. I had started meditation at the recommendation of my friend Celyn, I started doing some creative writing because I have always wanted to write a story and I have enough free time now to just sit down and type till my heart is content, and I’m always making up stories in my head so it’s about time I tried to write one even if it isn’t very good. I went out for bike rides, doing more going out the house rather than binge watching Disney+, been doing a lot of reading which I am super enjoying! And then things went down hill. I wont talk about why in this update, maybe in the next one.

On top of that I have had my Dad say some really horrific stuff to me. I’m not sure if it is because lockdown is getting to him? But he said some very nasty things.
So iTalk are just a bit concerned with how I am dealing with the breakup and things with my Dad, because I’m not very good at processing ‘sad’ if that makes sense.

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We talked about suicidal thoughts, which have been occurring about twice a week for the last 3 weeks maybe. I didn’t think that was too bad, but turns out that that is pretty concerning. They’ve told me I have to phone 111 or another helpline to get help when I feel like that, and not just sit on my emotions.
We spoke how I’ve said I’ve not acted out on my thoughts because I am scared – obviously! And also how I feel like no one would miss me anyway, so there sort of isn’t a point in ending my life – which sounds so sick and selfish, but I mean it in the context of like, I might as well stick around for a bit longer because no one is missing me whilst I’m alive so, even though it hurts to be awake, I don’t have to find a way out. Does that make sense? I don’t know. My brain is complicated and a mess.

He is going to email me some support helplines that I am to contact when I am feeling very low and in despair.
He has also recommended that I go onto something called Silver Cloud which is a online platform, which I can do before I start my actual CBT sessions, and he will touch base with me in around 3 months time.
In the meantime, they will still be here to support me whilst I am waiting for my sessions, and I am going to receive help from the crisis support at iTalk if and when I need it – because I am still a concern.

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I don’t really know what else to mention really. Of course at the time of writing this we are still currently in lockdown due to the coronavirus (very friggin helpful) – I’m luckily on furlough leave, but I am kind of itching to go back to work now. I do really love and enjoy my job. I miss the people, the distraction, the something to do, the people, the routine, the people… meeeh. There’s only so much Netflix and Disney+ can offer you know. Yes, I am really struggling with a breakup but I’m trying to remain as positive as can be and try and still live my life for me – I haven’t had my full breakdown cry yet, so maybe that’ll help when the time comes.
Also, my little Billy; he is poorly, he has a tumour that can’t be removed and it really isn’t nice, but he is still such the most perfect little boy, he is in high spirits, still playful, still loving, still happy… honestly, little Billy loves life so much it is inspiring. It’s just going to really break my heart when the time comes, and as much as I try telling myself I’m ready… I know I never will be… so I’m sort of worried for how I am going to cope. But he’s a little bundle of joy right now, and that’s all that matters.

SO, I guess I’ll speak to you all when I have another update.
If anyone does need any help and support during this time, please do reach out – and if this blog has been of any help to anyone… you are welcome.

Don’t forget to check me out on social media:
INSTAGRAM – JodieBowie
INSTAGRAM – Nozfest
FACEBOOK – JodieBowie
FACEBOOK – Nozfest
FB GROUP – Nozfest
WEBSITE – www.nozfest.org
YOUTUBE – JodieBowie

Love you loads.

Jodie x ❤ x

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JodieBowie : My Top 10 Songs by Michael Jackson

It’s been a long long long time since I did one of these blogs, so it’s about time I did another Top 10 Songs of my childhood. This time with the King of Pop himself – Mr. Michael Jackson! I bet you didn’t know I was a fan huh 😉
You can click here to read the previous blog in this series, were I talked about David Bowie.

Michael-Jackson-Superbowl-1993I’m guessing not many people would’ve guessed that I am indeed an MJ fan. It started when I was 12/13 years old (yes, when he died unfortunately), he definitely impacted on my life, especially musically.
Growing up, I think all children my age really knew about Michael Jackson is that he was the guy that did the moon walk, wrote Thriller and Billie Jean, changed his appearance a lot and that he was on the TV a lot because of alleged abuse of children. Yes, at 13 years old I only knew Michael Jackson because of such allegations… I wish I knew him for more of his outstanding music back then, but that’s just how it was unfortunately.

I can remember the day he died – I texts from all my friends back at school, and I went upstairs and told my Mum. It was a sad thing – they started selling Michael Jackson everywhere again and he was permanently being played on the radio – and that’s how it started. I’m 99% sure I also bought a book from HMV, it was an extremely thick book and I think if I remember rightly it was mostly to do with allegations made against him. I did indeed read this book, I barely put it down; even back then I was sure he was innocent.

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13-year-old me lived at my Dads house in Reading which was on the University campus – I commuted to Didcot Girls School everyday, until we eventually moved down South in September of that year. I was still very childlike compared to what kids are like these days, all I ever really did was play music and play with my toys. With pocket money, Dad took me to Argos to by a cheap radio/CD player (I couldn’t use his anymore because he obviously wanted to use it, so I needed my own), it was pink but I adored it! The spare room in Dads house was set up with all my toys and my CD player, all our other ‘junk’ was in the downstairs spare room so I’d have to search through his massive office sized metal filing cabinet for music. Anyway, I bought myself The Essential Michael Jackson album from Asda, and it was my jam all day everyday! I probably got on my parents nerves playing it 24/7, just as one CD finished I’d put the other one in haha. I can remember vividly  putting on a Memorial Concert with my dolls – yes, I was THAT kid. I can remember one time, we had a gas leak or something in the house and I spent the entire time blasting out ABC whilst running up and down the stairs – I was living my best life back then, and I’ll always be thankful to Michael Jackson for that, because his music is now attached to such fond memories of mine.
Because we also lived on a Uni campus, and our PC was in storage, we had to use the computer rooms on site when we wanted to ‘rock out’ to music or use the internet for homework etc – I used to just sit and watched Michael Jackson video’s and documentaries the entire time – bliss.

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Peak of my Jackson fan period

I want to add that I expect any real music fan has been a Michael Jackson fan at some point in their life, and probably still are!
I can remember going on a date a few years back and “Thriller” came on, me and the guy immediately ceased conversation and started doing the dance within the second the track started – who doesn’t do that?!

13 year old me had such a crush on Michael Jackson, to a degree I still do. I don’t want to make any comments about the allegations because this is not what this blog is about. I have written a blog with my opinion if you do want to see that.
I think one important thing to understand with me is that, I am not like other girls my age, and I’m not being egotistical – I only listened to The Rolling Stones from ages 3 – 12. I mean I’d listen to Status Quo, ZZ Top, T.Rex, The Who etc, but whatever was in the charts when I was growing up I never heard of. So Michael’s music was incredibly new to me at that age, I’d never heard anything like it before. Even now new music to me is Motley Crue, Def Leppard. I am so behind when it comes to music, but I wouldn’t have it any other way because I am discovering the best musicians and bands and I’m totally oblivious and unaware of whatever music is being churned out these days, thank the lord.

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14 year old Jodie doing some impersonations

Anyway, in no particular order.. let’s do this… :

BEN
“I used to say, I and Me, now it’s Us, now it’s We…”
This was the song that really got me into rats. After I discovered Michael had pet rats, I immediately wanted them too. My Mum is terrified of Rats so I was never allowed them, I however have never really had an issue with them, I’ve always found them rather cute animals. I of course now have 2 little ratties of my own – sadly neither are called Ben.

P.Y.T
“Nothin’ can stop this burnin’ desire to be with you…”
This was MY song man! I was a pretty young thing! I mean realistically I wasn’t at the time (being 13), but when I listened to this song I was.

EARTH SONG
“Did you ever stop to notice all the blood we’ve shed before…”
This was one of my “F*ck You” songs I’m pretty sure. It’s such an iconic video as well, especially with the wind and the trees… I think this was one of the only MJ songs I knew of before his passing. To me, it is iconic Jackson.

REMEMBER THE TIME
“Do you remember, when we fell in love, we were so young and innocent then…”
This is the song with Iman right? The video for this is awesome. Probably the first time I stopped and thought “he’s actually good looking you know…”. His moves really catch the eye as well. Always liked Egyptians 😉

THEY DON’T CARE ABOUT US
“Beat me, hate me, you can never break me…”
Damn. I’ve always felt like an outcast wherever I’ve gone. This was such a march song for me. It reminds me of my childhood, my nan my cousins; hence why I feel so strongly when I listen to it.

HEAL THE WORLD
“And the dream we were conceived in will reveal a joyful face…”
I remember when I played with my dolls I’d line them all up and sing this song as part of the ‘memorial concert’. I loved it so much! When the choir join in, oh my gosh… that is an outer body experience ❤

WHO IS IT
“And it doesn’t seem to matter and it doesn’t seem right, cause the will has brought no fortune, still I cry alone at night…”
It’s the chorus that gets me. Those lyrics. The tone. The beat. Aaahhh….. YESS!! Hearing it again now, so much soul and meaning. Lyrical genius right here.

THIS IS IT
“I never heard a single word about you, falling in love wasn’t my plan…”
Cuteness overload over this. Anyone else just get that warm hug feeling in their heart. Feel this may have to be added to my list of Wedding songs ❤

SHAKE YOUR BODY
“You walk around this town with your head all up in the sky…”
I HAVE to dance to this song whenever I hear it. How can you not! Shake that body right to the ground… do it!

WHO’S LOVING YOU 
“I sit around, with my head hanging down…”
His voice is absolute perfection. Listen to those harmonies. How can you not shed a tear…. Jesus, this is why he was a star, why he is the best at what he does. Total respect for you Michael.

STATE OF SHOCK
“Yeah, come on, baby you gotta be mine ’cause you’re so fine…”
Two of my ultimate icons on one song. HAS to be a favourite. Jagger really adds to it as well. Who would’ve thought Jagger and Jackson would sound so good together.

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I know there is 11 songs  – it started out as 15, I really struggled to cut the list down. This is as close to 10 as I could get, please forgive me. 

Whatever your current opinion is of Michael Jackson (I don’t need or wish to hear it) there is absolutely no denying the fact that he is one of the most iconic and legendary musicians of the past 50 years. That can’t be taken away or disproved.

I hope you enjoyed this blog! I’ll try and stay updated on this series 🙂

Don’t forget to follow me on social media to see what else I get up to:
INSTAGRAM – JodieBowie
INSTAGRAM – Nozfest
FACEBOOK – JodieBowie
FACEBOOK – Nozfest
FB GROUP – Nozfest
WEBSITE – www.nozfest.org
YOUTUBE – JodieBowie

Love you

Jodie x ❤ x

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JodieBowie : The Best Friends

I wanted to write a poemy style blog just as sort of an ode to all my beautiful friends. No idea how it’s going to go, I’m going to write it all in one go again completely off the cuff with no editing haha, so this could be awful, but hopefully it is still something a little sweet ❤ 
Click here to read my previous blog “I Made A Mistake

Disclaimer : Can probably be related to anyone at all, but it is for my best friends, but I’m sure anyone in the world can relate 😉 

imagesYou work so damn hard
When I can’t cope, you are the sense of reason
I am so happy that you have gone from strength to strength
I know you’re my bestfriend, and will be at any length.

You are the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow
When times sucks, you always have a laugh
I am proud to see you as an awesome mother
I can’t wait until we can hangout with each other.

You are so wonderfully talented
When things get in the way, you always come back
I am so inspired by your flawless skills
I know one day I will see your name up in lights.

You are so unknowingly beautiful
When we need each other, we’re always there
I am proud of how wonderfully brave you are
I’m sure you’ll let no one stop you getting far.

You are just like a shooting star
When I need an extra loving, you are always there
I believe you are going to achieve great things
I only hope that we get to see each other succeed.

You always let the sunshine
When times are dark, you just say “la la la”
I am so thankful I get to call you a friend
I’m sure we’ll stay in touch, right till the end.

You are literally a purple princess
When love is hard, you always know what to say
I love how you always give off positive energy
I am more than lucky to have you as a ‘big sister’.

You are the drinker of JD
When we’ve fallen out, you’ve still cared
I am so lucky to have you in my life
I will never take you for granted again.

You are a little rough around the edges
When we need each other, we know we are always there
I’m so thankful I got to have you in my life
I can only hope we’ll get to stay as close as ever.

I love you all with all my heart ❤

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Hope everyone enjoyed this little fun poemy blog!
Don’t forget to follow me on my social media’s :
INSTAGRAM – JodieBowie
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FACEBOOK – JodieBowie
FACEBOOK – Nozfest
FB GROUP – Nozfest
WEBSITE – www.nozfest.org
YOUTUBE – JodieBowie

Love you ❤

Jodie x ❤ x

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