Life Update : COVID-19 & Growing Up

I don’t know if anyone has heard recently, but there is thing pandemic going around called Coronavirus which makes people have symptoms of the flu and panic buy toilet rolls and pasta. No, in all seriousness it’s been a few months since I did a LIFE update, there isn’t too much to update on considering the current global situation, but hey-ho, something to do something to say. 

MENTAL HEALTH
I am actually doing a mental health series which you can find on this blog somewhere 🙂
If you don’t read those then basically I have had an assessment by iTalk, and I’m on 60mg of Fluoxetine a day. I think I’m now on the community service programme thingy, but my sessions will now be over the phone due to the coronavirus issue, which to be honest I don’t mind… I find it easier to talk over the phone than I do face to face.
I am actually also now a pringle. Not too sure how I’m feeling about that just yet.
Just totally sucks having to stay indoors. I mean my anxiety didn’t really like me leaving the house anyway, but now I feel so alone and like I have no pals or anyone to talk to, so it’s a very tough time. However, I’ve treated myself to Disney+ and Steven King novals, so that’ll hopefully keep me occupied until this thing blows over.
I also feel like my mental state will be so much better if I got completely away from negativity. I’m constantly held back at home, being told whatever I do is not good enough, or just a hobby or that I have no money…. I feel like if I was left to my own devices and my own ambitions, I would actually succeed so much more, and probably actually believe in myself.

RATTIES
My little Billy has been going through some health problems lately. He has an abyss on the side of his neck near his ear, and it just wont heal of clear up – bless him. Had so many trips back and forward to the vets. I actually changed our vets to Vets4Pets in New Milton. The other vets we went to literally wouldn’t even touch him or have a proper look, and sort of talked to him like he was a dog and got me to do all the handling. Vets4Pets is amazing – all the staff there absolutely adore Billy and make us very welcome, the vets themselves are so professional and properly explain everything in proper detail so you understand, and their handling is fantastic.
His operation went okay; we’ve found out he has an unremovable tumour. We’re not too sure when the time will come… but for now I just have to keep him clean and happy, give lots of cuddles and treats. I’m going to miss him so much, but I’m trying not to think about that yet.

NOZFEST/NOZTLITE
SO FAR – NozFest and NozLite are still going ahead. Unless anything changes with what the Government say, or the venue decides otherwise. To be honest ticket sales are still doing pretty well, so grab them while you can I guess. I’ll be keeping everyone updated if anything changes etc. If the worst does come to the last, Nozfest will take place in 2021 and NozLite can be changed to a November date. BUT fingers crossed we don’t have to do that. The best thing to do is keep supporting bands, venues and anyone who needs a little help during this tough time. Check up on your friends etc. If I can I’ll try and sort out some merch so Nozfest merch will still be an option etc.

CORONAVIRUS
I’m sure many of you are in pretty similar situations as me. The afternoon of 17th March, I was told by my bosses that there is no longer any work for me. I technically still have a job, there is just no hours, so I’m not needed right now, but I am still employed by them.
I am so gutted for my bosses, I know exactly what it is like as I do have a business myself and this is a really serious tough time. It is so much more serious than a flu or panic buying loo roll. People are losing jobs, losing business, I’m sure people will soon lose houses and god knows what. It’s a ripple effect and I’ve never seen anything effect this country as bad as this coronavirus. If things pick up again (hopefully), I’ll have work again. But for the time being, I don’t. My priority is looking after myself, checking on all of my wonderful friends, looking after my boys Billy&Teddy. I do desperately need to work on NozLite even if it doesn’t happen.
However, this Coronavirus has really hit home since I heard the dreadful news that my dear friend Mr. Alan Merrill sadly passed away after a battle with covid-19. It appears he didn’t have any underlying health issues either. Just can’t believe it. It is so heart-breaking! Stay inside people please! We need to stand together and stop this thing, but this time standing together means staying in and social distancing. DO IT.

24TH BIRTHDAY
Well, coronavirus fucked that right up haha!
However, I was able to salvage this situation. One of my favourite movies is the iconic American Psycho (introduced to me by the awesome Cardy). Luckily for me this film is still on Netflix!
So I asked all my friends, plus whoever wanted to watch the movie, to join together at 8pm on the 29th March and watch American Psycho with me, from our own homes.
It was so much fun! I can’t believe people genuinely took it seriously and took part – there was about 12 of us in group chat too, was just so chilled and awesome! Not too many people had seen it before either which made it extra cool and special. We all discussed theories after the movie finished too. Honestly just so heart whelmed that people took part! It really wasn’t a bad Birthday, even though it had to be spent in odd/isolation circumstances. Think it’s one of my fave birthdays in all truthfulness ❤

FINDING JODIE
I’m not sure if it is because I have turned 24, but I just suddenly realised some stuff I didn’t really think about before. I got rather drunk the night before my Birthday, rocked out to music, was proper happy… then I woke up with something I believe is called a hangover. OUCH. After some thinking, I realised I don’t want the ‘old Jodie’ back. I want to be both people! I want to grow as a person, I don’t want to stay as that girl who chatted to guys just because she could, and get drunk every weekend… even weekdays just because she could. I still want to be that girl that is 110% into bands, wears awesome makeup and dresses rockstarish, puts on music festivals and is funny, but I also want to be more normal, more toned down, I want to be able to enjoy an evening with 1 or 2 glasses of wine, I want to feel like I can be me without being under the influence, I want to be able to feel okay about staying in and watching TV or reading a book, instead of rocking and rolling. I want a mixture of the both! That is what my happiness is now.
Not anxious Jodie that can’t leave the house, and not OTT Jodie that makes far too many bad decisions. Why it took me a bottle of wine and being in isolation to realise that, I’ve no idea! But I am hoping that this is the perfect time for me to grow into the person I want to me, get over any ‘shit’ that happened to me in 2019, and just start completely new and fresh over. Trust me, I know I sound like such an immature dumbass… but I feel like I’m ready to move forward and grow as a person. Fingers crossed it works this time! 

 

Don’t forget to check me out on social media, not that I’m really using it:
INSTAGRAM – JodieBowie
INSTAGRAM – NozFest
FACEBOOK – JodieBowie
FACEBOOK – NozFest
FB GROUP – Nozfest
WEBSITE – www.nozfest.org
YOUTUBE – JodieBowie 

See you soon beauties!!

Jodie x ❤ x

Mental Health Update – iTalk Assessment

I’ve started a little late on this series I wanted to do, but I didn’t have the courage to post any of the previous ones. So here we are, giving it a go. I’ll try and keep the intro as brief as I could, but I wanted to take you guys on this journey with me – whether it’s to help me along the way, or to help others. We shouldn’t suffer in silence… 

SO! My first blog was going to be called “Mental Health Update – I Asked For Help” – I still may publish it if people want me to, but it was pretty detailed and written with a negative mind, which isn’t the best way to write a blog.
Anyway, the second week of January I went to the doctors and asked for help and for it to be classed as an emergency as they wasn’t take me seriously before that. I was the doctor and he put me on 40mg of Fluoxetine a day, and told me to refer myself to see iTalk, which is a therapy service down where I live in the New Forest.

I phoned, filled out the forms, and someone is phoning me to assess me on the 22nd Feb.
Between the time I asked for help and the date I am writing this, my mental health declined so radically it’s been near impossible to claw it back – therefore I am now on 60mg of Fluoxetine a day. It’s the highest dose, and it is working, but I’m also very lightheaded most of the time.

I want to quickly go into why I finally asked for help, and what has made me get to this point etc. My first trigger happened on the 8th August 2019, that’s the defining date for me when things started going down hill and I started slipping. As much as I was happy at Nozfest because my dream had come true and it was more than perfect, I lost a lot of friends because of its success. It’s also a little like having a baby. I had this project that was just mine and I had it all to myself for 2 years… then the day came, it happened, and then it’s gone, so I guess I also felt lost. I still haven’t really ‘let go’ of the first Nozfest, that is my baby and I’m so proud and in love with it, I’m so excited for Nozfest 2020 I just feel a little empty if that makes sense?
After that, I met an ex (not one of mine), I can still remember the sinking in my stomach when my train passed them. My heart missed a beat and I tried to hold it together. Every time I travel there on train, I get the same feeling in my stomach, my anxiety gets pretty bad and I look out the window looking for them. A lot of other things happened that were not great, but I wont bring them up.
I just slowly stopped being me, I stopped wearing the clothes I used to, I completely stopped doing makeup, I lost interest in my passion (gigs), stopped eating, stopped drinking alcohol, stopped dancing… everything that was Jodie, just slowly went as the months went past.
At Christmas time, I got locked in a bathroom on a night out, told some quite nasty things, had a lot of nasty comments thrown at me which has made me hate who I am to the point I hurt myself in several ways, and got to me so much that I couldn’t listen to music without making myself physically sick. I’m getting a little better, but I still shake a little when I have my earphones in out of fear… especially when it’s Motley Crue – you have no idea how much that upsets me.
The main cause I think is my Mums health, we’re finally after 8years getting some help for that, finally the doctors and paramedics listened to us and took us seriously so fingers crossed that is a fixable obstacle. My Dad also suffered a stroke… he’s okay! Just hurt that I was at hospital with little support from my Mum. If you want more in depth details, let me know, if you’re happy to read a brief description and read inbetween the lines, cool.

18th February, I made an attempt. I am so lucky to have friends like Sophie, Luke and Beth. I did reach out to several people for help, but not many listened or picked up on the signs. I sent a message to my little Sophie, who screenshotted the it and immediately send it to Luke, he then tried contacting me, as did Sophie and Beth. Eventually I picked up to Luke and he managed to calm me down – I do feel dreadful for him having to hear me the way I was, but thankful he reached out ❤

iTalk Assessment
Someone from iTalk called me at 2pm (Friday 21st Feb), for a 45mins phone call chat to talk about everything in my life, and to determine what the next appropriate step will be. My assessment actually over ran by 30mins, there was an awful lot to go through. I literally told him everything that’s effected me, from being at school right up until the day before. A few days before the assessment I received an email with some questions I had to score out of 10. They used this to indicate what level of anxiety and depression I am. I think I scored 14/21 for anxiety and 24/27 for depression. 

It was very draining. I didn’t realise how draining it would be to talk about so many painful events in a small space of time. Some of the questions being asked as well, I’d never really spoke about before, I wasn’t too sure how to answer. Luckily the guy I had on the phone was very understanding, kind, supportive and kind of slow, as in he was slow in explaining and asking everything which is really helpful. He said on a few occasions “you’re doing really well Jodie“, and “don’t worry, we can take a break if you need a moment“. There’s no pressure to pour your heart out immediately. It got me thinking quite a bit too.

There was on event that we talked about in a lot of detail. I’ll share the example with you. I didn’t mention a few things that have recently effected me, but we chose this particular example to work through.
So, towards the end of August 2019 I was meant to be going to a gig with some friends in Bournemouth. I was on a train to Poole, and when my train began to pull into the station I saw my partner walking along with another girl who I recognised as an ex of his. I thought that maybe they were going to split ways… but he actually brought her to the station and introduced to me as “just a friend”, I knew this wasn’t the case but didn’t say anything. She later gave him her approval of me – which I felt was really rude and unnecessary. When I brought this issue up, there was a lot of excuses as to why they are still friends, and when I eventually had enough the girl turned up his house and began harming herself. It’s one of the smaller incidents, BUT every time I get on a train and pull into Poole, my heart starts racing I always look for them both and sort of expect them to be walking together, I get a knot in my stomach and my head goes quite light I also get a little shaky and I will be quiet for a period of time to try to process things in my head.

I also brought up how I make myself sick when I listen to certain bands. He asked me why this has occurred, how it makes me feel etc. I found it very emotional to talk about that, because it is so upsetting and almost heart-breaking for me to not be who I am. If that makes sense.
On a night out in December, there was an 80’s night on a Buffalo. There was a lot of Def Leppard, Motley Crue, Poison etc. At this event I got locked in a toilet cubicle and was threatened to be punched in the face if I carried on ‘behaving’ in the way I was. I got told I have to split from my other half, that I’m silly, my mental health is just attention seeking and I’m just a silly little child. I decided to continue dancing because Dr.Feelgood was playing… and I’m Jodie… so there is no way I’m not gonna show off some moves. The same girl came up to me and demanded I stopped because I was being silly and embarrassing everyone. Ten minutes later another girl told everyone I’d gone home and I was left at this bar on my own. It turned into an argument which led to me being told I’m not as important as the friend and I never will be, she will always come first. I went home that night, and I started cutting myself again and making myself sick. I hit my head against the wall repeatedly, slapped myself in the face, pulled my hair, threw things, screamed and cried myself to sleep. After that, I didn’t listen to music anymore, I stopped dressing nice, I stopped wearing makeup and I stopped being Jodie.

I also get extremely anxious in situations that involve alcohol. I avoid any social situations that include more than 2 people and alcohol. I hate going to the pub, or a bar, I instantly get on edge as soon as alcohol is mentioned. I hate drugs, I hate drugs to the point that I take other people’s habits out on myself. So I’ll hurt myself if someone is doing drugs etc, I’ll make myself sick… being around drugs mostly makes me feel so insecure, unsafe and brings my mood to rock bottom – alcohol has the same effect to a less degree.

There was so much more I discussed. Such as situations with my parents, friends, past, present, but I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders now that I have got everything off my chest properly to someone who can actually help me.
The next step is they are going to have a meeting on the 25th February to discuss the next step and possible actions to take. I’ll then receive a phone call again to tell me what my next step is going to be.

I’m quite excited, I’m really happy to finally getting help. The thing that makes me happy the most is that someone has finally listened to me. I’ve been expressing problems for months, and no one has been taking me totally seriously. To have someone actually tell me that my thoughts, actions, and state of mind is 100% understandable for the circumstances that I am in…. is genuinely like a breath of fresh air.
I’m not over-reacting, I’m not creating drama, I’m not attention seeking.

This is all I am going to include in this blog I think. I shall write another one once the next step is taking place and I’ll talk a little more about what they do to help etc. This session was just to assess me and they needed a background to work from – so it was quite personal, and sharing intimate details etc. I was made to feel very comfortable though, and it was no where near as scary as I was expecting it to be. So if a GP recommends getting in touch with a service such a iTalk, I 100% recommend it. 

You can follow me on my social media, linked below:
INSTAGRAM – JodieBowie
INSTAGRAM – Nozfest
FACEBOOK – JodieBowie
FACEBOOK – Nozfest
FB GROUP – Nozfest
WEBSITE – www.nozfest.org
YOUTUBE – JodieBowie

See you soon!

Jodie x ❤ x

Life Update : What’s been going on?!

Hello again folks! You may not know, or even noticed… but I’ve been rather quiet for the last 2 months. I decided to take some time out and focus on myself until I felt more upbeat and productive again. So… let’s share what’s been going on I suppose!! 

NORMAL LIFE
I decided after getting bullied, sent threats and other things… that I didn’t want to be a 24/7 bad ass rock chick anymore. I really really wanted to live my normal life more. I got involved in a really negative group of people, and it made my life very dark and crap in all honesty. I wasn’t able to fully express my full potential in case it knocked them out of the limelight etc. Anyway, I made the choice that I’d only be a full bad ass at my gigs… where I have to be professional and speak to bands when they are not doing what is asked of them, or if they are taking the ‘biscuit’, and to also integrate with the audience. Otherwise I’m 100% ME the rest of the time… so a little bit thick, really awkward, a bit funny and far too caring, and I’m loving it!! I’ve cut out almost all of my ‘musical’ friends and I literally just hang out with my everyday pals that love me for who I am and aren’t using me for gigs or to meet rockstars.

JODIEBOWIE
I’ve been working on my JodieBowie stuff, and my aim is to make 2019 a really productive year with as many rock nights as I can put on, and work on other projects as well. As for this year, make sure to come along to the Stage Door gig in Nov!!!
I’ve also announced my 23rd bday gig featuring Western Sand, Beth Blade & 27 Days – so make sure not to miss out on that either 😉
I’m starting to get noticed quite a bit, especially by bands and venues… it’s taking me a little while to process and adjust to the fact people actually come to me for advice or gigs/reviews. It’s scary but extremely exciting!!
Hard work really does pay off – thank you to everyone sharing my name!
*Just wanted to add here, if any band needs help finding support for a show… please do reach out. Most of the time, I’ll be able to find someone for your slot 🙂 use me for everything or what ever you need… that’s why I’m here 🙂 

FAMILY
Oh gosh… It’s been a rough time for my family. I’ll say as much as I think I can without being disrespectful.
My Aunt sadly passed away at the end of July; I was particularly sad to hear this news as she was one of my only Aunt’s who was nice to me. My thoughts are with my Cousins who’ve lost a wonderful Mum.
My Nanny S, also got taken into a hospice as she is really not well… but we’re hoping for a second opinion. I’d like the chance to properly know her before it’s too late – it’s so refreshing to know I’m 100% Harris as well, I’ve found a place I fit in ❤
I’m really struggling with my Mum at the moment, I don’t want to say too much… but some days are better than others, and lately they’ve been quite tough and I’ve not had a break as of yet. From what the Doctors have said, she’s slowly going to get a lot worse, and I don’t have anyone to support me… it’s upsetting me lot. In all honesty, I have no idea what to expect each day; I can tell just by looking at her if it’s a good day or bad day, lately it’s been bad almost every day. I genuinely just want to cry all the time.
I’ve got myself a part time job to hopefully improve the situation, but we will see.
On a similar note, I had an argument with my Nan & Uncle on my Mum’s side – things were said, about my Dad, and I retaliated; I don’t regret what I said at all and I really wish, that side of the family would stop labeling me just because of the type of music I listen to…. come on it’s 2018. I did in fact manage to get my Nan to come down to see us for a few days; however, she didn’t seem to think there was anything wrong with my Mum (typically my Mum went down again after Nan left)… but she is trying a lot harder to keep in touch with us, which is a good thing and I do appreciate her doing it.

**Subsequently after I had written this, my Mum has been admitted to hospital. Hopefully she’ll get the help she needs and will begin to get better. How am I? in all honesty, I’m not great, but there’s not a lot I can do……… so there’s a lot of tears. 

MY HEALTH
You may have seen that I said I was going to take some time out to get myself better again, well I did…. but then I went downhill again. My doctors have actually increased my medication. I’m not entirely sure what happened, but I recovered from a pretty dark patch thanks to some incredible friends, decided to start reaching for my dreams…. and then crashed again basically. No idea why, but I will still be uploading blogs etc, I may just still be a little quiet so I can figure out what the heck I am actually doing haha.
As a result of this I don’t drink alcohol anymore haha, 99.9% of the time I’m 100% teetotal… the 0.1% is when I’m with a friend and I MIGHT have a JD&coke.
Ohh, I’ve also discovered I’m lactose intolerant haha – it’s great getting older isn’t it haha.

Look at the pic whilst listening to “A Little Respect” by Erasure. It’s the cutest thing ever ❤

RATTIES
My TedBear has started to come and see me on his own accord AND let me stroke him!!! I’m over the moon with this improvement, it’s taken a long time but I reckon I can get him to be okay 🙂 I’ve worked out if I feed him baby food from a pouch, he’ll let me do whatever haha.
As for Billy… he’s a little tinker, but an absolute sweetheart. He’ll follow me around my room and wave at me when he wants my attention. He lets me kiss him and he’ll lick me back … it’s so freaking cute! He actually gave me a kiss on the lips the other night, and I just melted into a pool of “he loves me” haha ❤ I love them so much, I really do not know what I would do without them… I don’t think I’d be able to cope.
I love hearing them make their little noises in the night, and it’s adorable being able to wake up to a cute little face just staring at you. I’m so lucky to have my boys ❤

BUSINESS BRAIN
If you haven’t already seen, I’m going to be putting on a music festival next year. I’m not really the kind of girl who just gives up on her dreams, especially when I have already started working towards them.
I decided to change venues, to a more supportive place that loves my ideas and encourages me to work hard on them. Me and Dad had a look around the new venue, and pretty much fell in love with it instantly! It has the perfect vibe, I’m so excited and cannot wait to share with you all what I am planning.
Was lovely to hear that my Dad also believes that I can pull this thing off and is actually interested in helping me, which has really given me a lot more confidence. I also asked him if he’d ever want to own/run a venue with me, and he said “absolutely 100% yes”… so I’m kinda buzzing for my future right now haha.
Pretty much 90% of my time is filled with JodieBowie, Festival, Blogging etc – it’s what I want to do, and it seems to be paying off and I can’t believe how many people believe in me – it’s incredible to hear, it really is. Thank you all ❤

GIGS
If you follow me on Instagram at all… it probably looks like I’m permanently at a Chris Payn gig haha … I sort of am, and sort of not. I just turn up to the ones I can get to 😛
Anyway, I saw Outlaw Orchestra and Kris Barras at the Talking Heads early Sept –  WOW! Kris Barras completely blew my mind, highly recommend to everyone – go and check him out! Also had a lovely time seeing 27 Days and The Smokin’ Prophets at Suburbia in Southampton… even if I did catch a cold after haha.
I’m hopefully seeing the Dead Daisies in Oxford with support from Massive Wagons… can’t really skip that sort of line up! Also possibly seeing Black Star Riders in Southampton… we shall seeeee…..

I hope this has given some of you some inspiration or made you feel like you’re not the only one struggling. It’s only a life update, but I wanted to be honest…. not everything is always as it seems. It’s okay to struggle and ask for help – we’ve all been there!

Don’t forget to check me out on Social Media to stay updated with what I’m doing 🙂 :
INSTAGRAM – JodieBowie
FACEBOOK – JodieBowie

Stay chipper!

Jodie x ❤ x

Because I’m Happy :)

Let’s share the positivity … this chick is HAPPY! and here is a blog as to why.

PLANS
I have so many awesome things coming up which I am so looking forward to.
My bestfriend Emma is coming down from Didcot to stay with me for a weekend… going to be awesome tearing up Bournemouth with my Mod. I’m seeing the Dead Daisies in Bristol supported by The Treatment. I’m also taking her along to that, she’s a mod so her reaction to John Corabi is going to be a card 😛
Me and Emma have also booked a weekend away in Cardiff; which is going to be amazing! I love Cardiff, it is a beautiful city, and to just get away with an awesome chick is going to be so worthwhile. I genuinely cannot wait to see my Welshies and make some memories ❤
I’ve also bagged myself tickets for The Rolling Stones in Cardiff << genuinely can’t think of anything better! (yes, I’ll also be at the one in Southampton).

FAMILY
I’m a lot closer with my Nan than I have ever been, since staying at hers for a week in Didcot. She’s a family member that I have realised I actually really need, and appreciate having her in my life.

FRIENDS
I don’t have many, but the ones I do have are bloody beautiful. The support some of them have given me recently has been phenomenal. I am so lucky to know such kind hearted and wonderful people, that just want to see me be happy. I couldn’t ask for better pals. I may have few friends, but the few I have are worth far more than having millions of friends who don’t care. I really do have some of the best friends on the planet, I’m one lucky girl ❤

PROJECTS
I am looking to start moving my Rock Nights to a different venue, or possibly branching out to other venues around the South. I also want to work with bands that are not necessarily local, but have a talent I’d like to share with the Bournemouth/Southampton area. I have my ideas! Feel free to get in touch with me though, and tell me what bands you would like to see at my Rock Nights – I am up for a challenge!
I am also back doing some paid work at the Memorial Centre, finally, which is great.
There is a few possibilities that I will also be starting an NVQ course… which to me is rather exciting.
My good friend has also asked me to be part of a podcast, and I’ve said yes! So that could be super interesting 😉
Gosh, there’s so many projects I’m getting involved in – another friend of mine has asked me to join forces with “Razor Metal Reviews”; so I have my fingers in many pies right now!
I am also going to try and put more effort into this blog, and maybe start videos if that is something you guys would like to see? Please let me know.

TREATING MYSELF
I treated myself to a phone upgrade. It was due an upgrade anyway; but I decided to go for the best upgrade I could get… because, everyone deserves a treat now and then. Worked out pretty well actually, as my new contract is a lot cheaper than it was for my old phone, but I’ve got a far far better phone. How that works I am not sure, but THANKS! I now have a Samsung Galaxy S8 Plus, in orchid grey. I have the same mobile number also, thank goodness… I love my phone number; I can actually remember it!

HEALTH
Yeaaa… Imma try and be vegetarian again. Let’s see how long I can keep it up for this time.
I have also lost about a stone and a half of weight. Which I am personally loving! I was petite anyway, but now I’m just slim, which I feel more confident about.
I’ve also started taking walks, and doing a couple of old dance routines to keep me active. It’s rather lush to get out into the fresh air you know.
I am also completely off my Fluoxetine/Prozac, and I haven’t taken Zopiclone for over a month – go me!!

PETS
Of course I got two rats, if you didn’t already know. Billy and Teddy. They are absolute treasures, as well as little shits. I am so glad I got them; definitely one of the best decisions I have made in a long time. I’m not sure if I’d get anymore in the future. For now, I am happy with my Bills and Teds, and I’m more than happy if they are my first and last ratties. Not only are they just wonderful creatures in general, but they have given me a purpose. I have 2 little lives that are dependent on me, to feed them, clean them, play with them, spend time with them, look after to them etc, and they are giving me something to focus on other than myself. I will admit, I was quite selfish at one point in my life, and couldn’t understand why some peoples commitments were so important. Now I have a commitment of my own now. I can’t just bugger off as and when I feel like it, as no one else is going to look after my boys. I have to plan things, and save up money, and negotiate/compromise; which isn’t as bad as I thought! I am so thankful to my little ratties for helping me become a better person each and everyday.

COUNSELLING
I paid for some online counselling; and the service is incredible. It was a real life changer/turner for me. I’ve never felt so positive in my life, nor have I ever felt this happy. It is a specific counselling service, and it is also American, so is a tiny bit pricey, but the reviews are amazing and the help I have so far received has been worth every penny. Their services have been proven to be very successful.
I think I am on the waiting list for further one to one/face to face counselling in my area. Which again will be a specific counselling service, but I’m feeling open minded and confident that it will make a massive difference to my life and my health.

GENERAL
In all honesty, I am just a genuinely more happy, positive and confident person. I have fixed myself, seen a direction I have wanted to take, and have become more settled within myself as a person. I have realised mistakes I have made, and come to terms with the fact that most of the time I was quite a selfish person, with a very closed mind unless it involved stuff to do with me. That is not who I want to be anymore.
I was self centered to the point, that I didn’t care who or if I hurt anyone by my actions, because I wanted opportunities no matter what. I did come across as heartless and ungrateful on a lot of occasions; all I can do is apologise.
I have also had a lot of time to just ‘do me’ and do my own thing; managed to come to terms with the fact I do actually validate myself.

I hope you have enjoyed this lengthy piece, haha, and that maybe it has inspired you to change or do things differently too. Change is good people, change is very good… don’t be scared of it, embrace it.

Don’t forget to leave a comment, and to follow me on social media.
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‘See you soon dolls ❤

Life Update : Bands, Boys & Pets

I know it’s only February of 2018, but I have some stuff to write about and it makes sense to talk about them together rather than separate. So, just a little usual update, nothing impressive! However, there is a few different topics that might be useful to some people – I do my best 😉 

VISIT TO DIDCOT:
So, around the end of January I went to stay at my Nan’s in Didcot for a whole week; and I actually lasted that long! Took 6 days to get used to each other… but we did it, and now we’re actually quite a bit closer again. Everything was pretty perfect at my Nan’s; so chilled, calm, relaxed, happy… life was brill! I’m thinking of visiting twice a year maybe.
I met up with a few friends from Didcot Girls School (DGS) – Hannah, Jess & Emma and I also met up with my cousin Ellie. In all honesty I wish I was still in Didcot with my Nan. I had a really great time, meeting my friends children, talking old times with my cousin, and getting pissed with Emma in Oxford. Hopefully see all you lovely lot again soon. Definitely recommend getting away if life ever gets too much, or you just need time.

ROCK NIGHT V:
I recently organised another Rock Night with Western Sand, Voodoo Vegas & Our Propaganda. I’ve been planning this gig since summer 2017, so to see it being pulled off and being a success was just a relief and a hugely proud moment for me. It was my best and favourite line up I’ve ever had the pleasure of working with/combining. Haven’t really got much to add apart from – I frickin’ did it! I did it! All by myself! And all those people who put me down & said it wouldn’t work… F you cos I did it! Also thank you to Holly, Tara, Lee & Sam who came along for moral support ❤

PET RATTIES:
I’ve wanted rats for a long long time, if you know me you’ll know I’ve wanted them for years and to call them ‘Courgette & Aubergine’, but my Mum especially hates rats and my Dad doesn’t think I can look after them. I nagged and nagged and nagged for about a week, I did lots of research etc and eventually my Mum gave in and said if I get them they are my responsibility and if they need anything I have to pay. So, with some money from my savings, I bought 2 little rats!
Unfortunately they are shop bought rats, but this is my first time – I haven’t had them long, I got them on the 8th February. They are 2 boys, who I’ve named ‘Del’ and ‘Roddy’ – but this may change!! They are both Fancy Rats & 10 weeks old (allegedly). I will do a full blog on them once they are settled and I know what I’m talking about… but for now, I love them, I want to look after them and spend the time bonding with them… so if I’m quiet, you know why.
I think getting them is also a great idea for me, cos it’s keeping me more grounded, I have to save money and not be so self centered and I also have to concentrate and spend time on something other than myself and thinking how “crap” my life is at the moment.
I mean I may have to give up a few gigs and trips away, but I can live with that; they’re my priority right now.
P.S friends, you are more than welcome to come round and meet the boys, I’m not being anti-social I swear haha.

RELATIONSHIP:
I recently got broken up with, and I wont lie, I am completely devastated. I’m not at all myself really. It’s not something I really want to talk about or share – but if you want to know how I’m feeling, I basically want to be left on my own for a while. I’m sleeping a lot, reading, watching Netflix. I’ll talk to a few people on Whatsapp… but otherwise, I kind of honestly just want to be in my own little world for a while to recover. My friends have been amazing, some people turned up on my doorstep immediately after, some phoned me asap because they were worried.
I’ve had time to think, and I’m not looking for another bloke at all. I’m literally not interested… not even interested in just having ‘fun’. As a friend said, I have a old head on young shoulders. I genuinely want to be in love, happy & safe with someone who is going to take care of me. I’m done with arguing, fighting, breaking up all the time.
So no, I’m not ‘back on the market’, I don’t really have any intention of going back on the market for the foreseeable future.

MENTAL HEALTH & POSITIVITY:
I had my mental health assessment at Waterford House on the 9th February. It went rather well. I’m staying on my Fluoxetine (although it may be able to be increased) and the Zopiclone to help me sleep as and when needed. They have also recommended that I go for specialist treatment, as we reckon my past is a huge part of why I struggle on a day to day basis and why I can’t deal with my emotions at all, and also how I am in regards to relationships and friendships. So, it’ll be interesting to see where that goes, and what happens I suppose. Right now I’ll try anything to help me cope with my emotions.

UPCOMING GIGS & MUSIC STUFF:
I’m not entirely sure for this one, there is a few ‘Stop, Stop’ gigs I would like to get to. Hopefully my ratties will be a lot tamer by then, I can’t really travel too far right now for that reason… however, I haven’t seen my Stop Stop boys since October, which I am so sorry for and I promise I will see you again soon!!
I am going to two HRH events this year, I won tickets for HRH12 and I got early bird tickets for HRH Sleaze, so I’m looking forward to some Dead Daisies & L.A Guns!!
I’m also seeing Dead Daisies in Bristol supported by The Treatment (my friend Tom has recently joined them as their new vocalist), so that’ll be cool. I expect I’ll make an appearance at my usual local bands shows, we all know how much I love them ❤
As for music I’m listening to right now, obviously a lot of Dead Daisies, Tyler Bryant & The Shakedown, Western Sand, Status Quo, Elvis Presley and Marco Mendoza.

I hope you liked the little update, and that some parts were interesting. If you have any advice you’d like to give me on my new little ratties or if you want advice/support on any topic above, please feel free to leave a comment or get in touch via my social media (linked below).

Much love – Jodie x ❤ x

Facebook – JodieBowie
Instagram – JodieBowie

Changing my identity on Social Media

I have decided to use my social media for different purposes, as to what I was using them for. This is just a little blog explaining why, and how 🙂 New Year, new start… new possibilities and a chance to be positive! 

You may or may not have noticed but over the last month or so, I’ve been going through a rather tough period of my life. I decided to come off Facebook for a while because rumours were spreading about me, people were taking screen-shots of everything I was posting and far too many people getting involved and had something to say about my personal/private life, that I decided to leave it alone and delete the app and Messenger from my phone.

Hearing things have people have ‘said’ about you, calling you every kind of word they can think of for the term ‘evil’… it can really destroy a person.
I’m currently on Fluoxetine for my mental health, and Zopiclone to help me sleep with the possibility of starting counselling in February.

I decided to turn 2018 into a positive year and year of opportunity. 2017 was amazing, I can’t say it wasn’t… it was one of the best years of my life; but the last 4 months of it were very negative. So I thought it would be great to start a fresh!
I started a bullet journal full of positive things, which you can read about in my previous blog post. Slowly slowly catchy monkey, I started feeling more myself.
One day, I woke up with a “fuck this” attitude, and decided that I honestly couldn’t care less about the opinions others have of me… the only people that matter are my close friends and family. I don’t need to prove myself to anyone, the people who know me, have seen the real me, know the real me and love the real me – everyone else does not matter.

SO…. I’ve decided to use Facebook and other social media for other purposes.
My private Facebook page will be used for work purposes such as managing pages I’m admin for, and to contact those I need to contact. I will occasionally post photos, but in the style of my Instagram. I will also share blogs & other things occasionally. You can still message me on Facebook, but don’t expect an instant reply, because I don’t have messenger or the app on my phone, so can only access via my laptop.
My JodieBowie Facebook page will still be used to post and share my blogs on, as well as any Rock Night activities, or things related to the things I blog about; so make sure you definitely ‘Like’ the page if that is something you want to stay in the loop with.
My Instagram will be used as normal, and if you’ve followed me for a while you’ll know I’ll post a photo or video with a song lyric as the caption. However, my Instagram Stories are a little more personal. Usually post Jeffree Star make up & gig video’s on Instagram, or pics/videos when people capture me being a “little rock ‘n’ roller” ❤
Snapchat… you can add me if you want… but it’s usually me messing about with filters. my name is of course ‘jodiebowie’.

Those who want to contact me, can either do so via Instagram or Snapchat, if you want to stay in touch with me, otherwise message me on Facebook, I will still reply.
Those who need me asap either can text me or Whatsapp me. That’s your best bet!

P.S Facebookers : please still tag me in stuff you’d like to share with me, and tag me in any photos of us together, even in events etc. I’m still around!

Moral of the story : I’ve decided to live in the real world for a bit, with my real self ❤

ROCK NIGHT V!!
^^ using the chance for some self promo!
On the 10th February at the New Milton Memorial Centre, Rock Night 5 featuring: Western Sand, Voodoo Vegas & Our Propaganda will be taking place. For my info make sure you keep an eye on my JodieBowie page.
For tickets – go to EventBrite.

See you soon my pretties ❤

Jodie X

Social Media:
JodieBowie Facebook
JodieBowie Instagram
Snapchat : jodiebowie

A Week On – It’s a littler easier being me!

It’s been a week or round about since my last blog, and… I’m not feeling so down and miserable. So I thought I’d share my new bound of positivity with you… to try and show, that life isn’t always shit, even if that’s what it seems like in the moment.

After what was a very very tough weekend, I decided to tackle all my problems…… backwards!
Yep, I’ve decided that trying to deal with the bigger issues first, was just causing a thousand times more stress, anxiety and arguments; so I made the decision that I would tackle the little baby problems first and leave the big mess till later.

That plan, has actually worked out for the better…. as there isn’t even so much of a big mess anymore.
You my have gathered from my last blog, that I had recently returned home to start facing life again; and in that blog I wrote about my job, my mental health and moving out. Those problems soon mounted up and became more problems such as, I became worried about money, so I started worrying about Christmas. I was worried about my job, so was worried I wouldn’t ever be able to get another one. I was worried about my career, so was worried about my personal life. Then I was worrying about where I am meant to be applying/looking for jobs if I might be moving away.
Soon enough I got myself into a spiral of…………… “ARGH!”

I think what really got me thinking positive again, was meeting up with Lee and Ema and actually being able to talk about everything that was worrying me, and to hear their advice and opinions… rather than trying to talk everything out with myself. I would advise myself, that if you do have some really close supportive friends, talk to them! They may be able to help you find that light at the end of the tunnel.

So, I started with CHRISTMAS! Yep, Christmas is stressing me out because I have no money. I spoke to Jack, and we spoke about the possibility of him coming to mine for Christmas, which would be absolutely amazing! But like everyone has said “don’t worry about getting me a present”. Well guess what guys….. I AM worrying! Because you are my loved ones, and I want to show you all that I love and care about you – so tough tits!
Also, with the possibility of Jack coming here, I want everything to be super perfect. I’ve not really had a proper family Christmas since I was a kid, and I always get so jealous of everyone else having the best time with their perfect families. Hopefully it’s my turn this year.
I’ve already started – and nearly finished my present shopping. I’ve kind of budgeted. I know how much money I have left in case I do over spend, but I’m being careful. I guess I am fortunate enough that I can budget.

Next, I emailed my assessor and a few other people regarding jobs and career. I got most of the information I needed to begin to start making a decision as what my next steps are going to be. My assessor has actually said she thinks it would benefit me taking some time out of my education to actually calm down, find another placement and settle in first. Whether that’s a good thing or not………………………….
When something completely unrelated to you, starts effecting really serious and important areas of your life, a lot of hatred, anger, upset, stress, depression and anxiety comes out. I’ve literally been asleep ALL week, and when I do feel strong enough to battle a day, I may only manage an email before sinking back down the big black hole again. I’d like to say I’m getting there, but I’m not. It wasn’t a career I was sure I wanted, until I found out it could be taken away from me. Hence needing the time to clear my head.

I of course worry about Jack a lot too. He is my bestest friend in the whole wide world, he means more than anything to me if I am openly honest. I just want what is best for him and to be happy. I think that is one of the reasons why I am considering making that step to live with Jack. I have no idea at all if or when it will happen….. but it’s something that is floating around my mind. My Aunt actually read my last blog, and messaged me with some advice of her own, saying that she moved in with my Uncle when she was 21, and that it is a huge step, but it has to be the right decision for me.
I know so many people will think it’s massively too soon to even be thinking about it, but we’ve had a pretty fast paced 6 months, with a lot of ups and downs, a lot of elephants in the room coming out etc, so we’ve actually become super close because so much has happened in such a short space of time. Like I said to Jack… maybe it took me 21 years to find someone, because I was meant to find Jack.
Who the hell knows……… but I’m young enough to take a gamble and find out!

Job…….. I don’t think about my old one. I decided it was just making me more stressed and annoyed. So I moved on.
Now, I’m working on 2 awesome line ups for my Rock Nights that are returning NEXT YEAR!! Eeeekkk ❤

And lastly… my mental health……………
Well, I stopped taking my prozac – because I wanted to feel sad, and hurt. BIG MISTAKE! I’ve now started taking them again. Don’t mess up your cycle, it’s not a good idea.
I’m still struggling to accept myself as a person.
And I’ll be utterly honest… depression is a horrible thing. I’ve been struggling to the point that I have been sleeping for 14 hours a day, and because I’m struggling to like myself, I haven’t been looking after myself either. In fact I have been gross this past week… but that’s what it does to you. It makes you not care or bother, because why should you, when no one else cares or bothers about you, right?!

Anyway, I hope I manage to stay positive and keep on top of things!
Remember… BABY STEPS! Sometimes dealing with the little issues first, is a whole lot better and easier than trying to battle the big shits!

Keep upbeat motherfuckers!

Jodie X ❤ X

Little Life Update – It’s not easy being me!

It’s been quite a while since I’ve written a blog! So much has happened in my life, and I didn’t want to be that depressing person again; but things happen that one has no control over… but hey-ho! I’m trying to be less down and more upbeat… but at the same time, having a proper moment to re-evaluate life. 

Damn! So who’s back on the prozac then?…………….me.
Don’t worry, all is cool… (ish)… just needed a little helping hand with dealing with a rough patch. I’m getting there. I don’t plan to be on it long, because sometimes it actually makes me worse, which isn’t really what I want right now.

So, what’s happening with me then?
Uhh… currently struggling to pull together a full line up for my Rock Night 5 I’m supposed to be organising for February 2018. Any suggestions???!!!
I’ve just returned home, after spending 2/3 weeks in Cardiff with Jack.
I’ve left a job I loved…………………………….. and really struggling to find a new one.
Mentally, I feel lost and like I have no one; and that my whole life is going to be me permanently cocking up. I also feel like me, as a person, is just shit.

Let’s start from the beginning shall we….. you might wanna make a tea, get a snack… read a different blog or watch TV, the pick is yours!

I’m not gonna mention any details or names etc, just because there is simply NO POINT! and I really can’t be bothered to dwell or fight over it, or create more drama. I’m simply saying this, cos I know I’m not the only person who feels like this, and maybe something I say might help someone else make a decision or feel better – and that’s way more positive!
JOBS – I left mine about 2/3 weeks ago now. Kinda finding it hard leaving the friends I made behind among other things. But I’m 100% sure I made the right decision. Yes, I was so absolutely happy there, really enjoying it, was doing well… or so I thought. Then rather suddenly, it just wasn’t my place anymore. I didn’t it in, I didn’t feel like I was wanted there, I was too ‘me’ for the job position, I didn’t ‘do’ my job and honestly… I went away for a few days and just couldn’t bare going back. I came home crying almost every night, I was permanently on edge, I was scared, I hated myself……..mentally it just was not benefiting me anymore. So I left. I wouldn’t advise not working your notice etc, but it’s an entirely personal decision and as so many people have said to be lately “your happiness and well being is more important than money“. That is something I’m still learning.

So, the mental side health of the fan. Because I was struggling at work, it made me struggle with who I am as well. I genuinely and still partially do, hate the fact that I am what is known as to un-alternative idiots as “a rocker”. That is something I never thought I’d dislike about me, cos it’s such a massive part of my life – to the extent if you take it away, I’m not the same person. That is what I have been dealing with this past month or so… not being Jodie anymore. Music, is my life, always has been… you don’t have to be a musician to appreciate and have a passion for the art. I’ve worked with many bands, adapted my own style, got such a vast must taste, seen countless live bands and I’ve wanted to be a journalist since forever, I absorb music!
Usually I’d come home, listen to music till I went to bed, sing my little heart out – rock out, feel inspired! I didn’t feel I could do that anymore, I’d come home, put music on, watch all my idols perform these amazing songs and be the most inspiring people I’ve ever set eyes on……… and breakdown and cry. I’d watch The Stones, Paul Weller, John Corabi, Steel Panther, Aerosmith, Guns ‘n’ Roses, David Bowie, Suede, The Who etc etc and cry myself to sleep at the thought I’d never listen to them again. I felt like I couldn’t even go and watch my favourite band any more…. the band I follow around the country when I can because they are what keep me sane.
In fact before I left my job, I went to see Marco Mendoza and Stop Stop and didn’t enjoy either gigs. That is a shock horror for me! I wasn’t even myself at either of those shows, and I think it was very visable. I even passed up the chance to see Surreal Panther… COME ON!
I’m struggling a little…… but I fucking love music, and no matter what style it is, it DOES NOT define who you are as a human being!

Being in Cardiff did me a lot of good! Despite the fact I had another episode of the ever pleasant woman’s problem that is a UTI -_-. However, I did manage to recover from a chest infection WOO!
I went there to literally just escape reality for a while. I feel like I still need to escape reality or perhaps create a new one, but for now I’m back home. The best part was of course spending time with my bestest friend in the whole wide world and my better half, my lovely Jack ❤
We  had a few date nights which was lush! I started to take my prozac so I had time to adjust, we worked out how Deliveroo works when you really want a crepe, we watched an endless amount of films, Only Fools and Horses, I even got Jack into Eastenders! We made a pumpkin, cooked a dinner, went to Pizza Hut with his band……. I really had a lush time. I found it hard coming home. I’m sort of in limbo at the moment, cos I’m not entirely sure where ‘home’ is at the moment. Is it with my parents? Is it where I was born? Is it with Jack? Is it none of the above?! I’m guessing it’s where I’m most happy, right?
I think my parents are having the same thoughts as me at the moment; which is fine because at least we are on the same page. It’s absolutely fine to want to be somewhere else. So many people are telling me my home is where I live, and that I have I get a job there and all my friends are where I live etc etc….. or if I leave I’ll regret it and ruin my whole future. I think that’s my choice to make, and at 21 years old, I think I still have time to be like “you only live once, let’s do it” and also think “ah, that wasn’t the best decision… but I can still go home”.
Why do I want to leave home? Hmm…. I don’t feel like there is anything for me here anymore, I don’t really see anyone, I feel lost in the house, and I feel stuck when I go out, I don’t really cope well away from Jack, in fact I cope pretty badly when Jack isn’t around because I don’t know what to do and I sort of just shut down. That’s not just cos I miss him, that even goes for like “I’ve had a bad day… melt down”, “I had a bad interview… melt down”, “I’m ill…. melt down”.

At the very end of the day, I think you have to do whatever is best for you! It may be hard, it may have consequences or repercussions, it may upset people, it may even upset yourself… but if you feel and think that something needs to change, no matter how big or small, it’s worth trying/doing to see if it makes things better in the long run.

Speak to you soon!

Jodie ❤

Understanding My… Mental Health

I can’t tell you why I feel the way I do, or what causes it… but I can tell you the sort of effect it has on my day to day life. 

Obviously I’m on Fluoxetine (prozac) which balances out the chemicals in your brain and keeps you steady like _________ the rest of the work is all yourself!

Socializing is actually a big deal to me! It feels takes it out of me to be social and see people. I really wish it wasn’t so difficult for me because it’s stopping me with potential friendships and I get very agitated whilst seeing my closest friend, and even my parents and work mates. I can take about 2 hours and then I really need to be left alone. Luckily at work I can either sit on my own or go for a walk, and at home I have my room. With actual people, I have nowhere to go. It’s really rude to just suddenly say “sorry I’ve had enough of you now” but that’s literally it. 4 hours is the max I can be with someone before I’m really really drained and start getting quite… snappy. It’s not cos I dislike them or anything, it’s just…I need to rest now or need some alone time.
I’m actually really proud of myself for being able to stand Rock Night 4 – although I did need some time on my own during that, just to….breathe!
It’s almost like having a fly in your room… after a while it’s really annoying and you need it to “bugger off”.

I’m constantly tired! I’m still recovering from Rock Night 4.
At the moment I’m waking up around 10:30am – 11am and then having to take a nap at 3pm – 6pm and then I go to bed at 9:30pm. I know, I’m such an old lady! That’s my average day if I’m not working etc. If I am, I have to be up earlier and not nap! But I do need to nap now and I think that’s the medication kicking in.

I can’t be let down or ignored. That’s really important and makes me look so annoying and clingy, but if you’ve arranged to meet me… please do meet me and not pull out last minute because I get extremely paranoid and will relapse.

I’m just looking for lots of friends and support at the moment. They are my biggest ‘wants’ in life. Apart from my events – I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have them to keep me busy.

JODIE

Real Mental Health

I’ve been feeling rather… angry? Hurt? Upset? By the fact that, it seems anyone with a good story is prescribed anti-depressants, when people who really need them get pushed away for not seeming ‘genuine’, this has outraged me so much, and I want to explain why. 

As you should know, I am diagnosed with Depression. I know I also have anxiety and often get paranoid. I was most likely born with depression, my Dad has it, and his Dad had it… it’s sort of been passed down.

I’m currently on fluoxetine 20mg (commonly known as prozac) which I have to take once a day for the next three months and then see where I go from there.
Side effects? Loss of libido, loss of appetite (but I’m alright now as far as I can tell), lucid dreams and I very tired. Some days are better than others, some days I actually do really need to just sleep for as many hours as I can… but that could be just because my body is adjusting to being more stable instead of extremely low. If I’ve socialised I do need to rest the next day or take a nap, it really does take it out of me at the moment unfortunately.

Anyway, what I really wanted to talk about is that fact how appalling it is that people who are just a bit sad, are getting prescribed medication who those who genuinely would jump off a tall building without medication, can’t get them.
Why does this affect me so much? Well, last week I hanged out with one of my best friends – baring in mind I had only been on my meds for two weeks, and still need a little ‘handle with care’, and understanding so that I don’t relapse. I thought it would be good to get out and see a pal and some well deserved fresh air. Only, as soon as I got in the car he told me how hilarious he found it that I tried to kill myself and how it didn’t work, and said something along the lines of ‘not being about to do it properly’ and how that it was a pathetic attempt. We went for a walk along a cliff and he said “should I be taking you here? You’re probably just going to kill yourself” and laughed! Then made some sick joke that I probably slit my wrists over David Bowie. In his opinion I’m only depressed because Bowie has died (nothing to do with the chemicals in my brain then?!), and continued making sick jokes about self harm. As an ex-self-harmer, I find his attitude to mental health disgusting.
Lot’s of you are probably thinking “why are you friends?”, we’ve been friends for 7 years. I can usually deal with his repulsive sense of humor, I’ve grown up with it. This was too far in my condition… and it got worse.

He went to the GP himself a few days later and has been prescribed anti-depressants. Citalopram 20mg – which I believe mine is stronger?
He started feeling ‘down’ after his boyfriend left him.
I suffered abuse when I was still a very young teenager, and when I told my GP, I wasn’t even referred for counselling.
I feel bad for not believing a friend, believe me. So much doesn’t add up and how can I possibly support or feel sorry for someone who was in hysterics at the thought of my suicide? I just can’t! I have to admit, this has really effected me. I can’t forgive him. I don’t even know if I can stay friends. I know I wont be able to look the same way at him ever again.
Not because he has ‘depression’ but because of what he said to me when he knew full well I’m diagnosed with it, and if he truly shared this illness he’d never ever be so revolting over it; because he would know it could cause relapsing or triggers.
I’m disappointed that the NHS allow this sort of… I don’t know. I know loads of people have depression, I know of a young girl I follow on Instagram who cuts, and sometimes it does get a little annoying keep seeing self harm images but I wouldn’t dream of messaging her to say “stop attention seeking”, I’d be more inclined and have said “please go and get some professional help!”. I had to send myself to the GP, honestly I was so bad, I don’t think I would have lasted another day without some form of help – that’s how bad and close it got for me!

I don’t know all the facts – I understand that. All the people I have discussed this with, and there is many, are all saying the same as me and all of which have suffered themselves or are currently suffering. It’s not a jealousy reaction. It’s a “fuck sake” reaction. I’ve been waiting 5 years for proper treatment – other people have taken their lives because they weren’t offered any help. This needs to STOP!!
People should be not be allowed to just get prescribed medication without proper questioning. If you don’t actually have depression the side effects of the tablets can actually be seriously dangerous. Back in the 60’s people had electric shock treatment for this sort of stuff! Can you imagine who insane it would be to volunteer for that?! That’s basically what you’re doing when you willingly take medication you do not need. Sorry…..

I’m sorry for anyone I offend – but I need to say my point! I’m more than angered. This HAS to stop!! Also the treatment of those with mental illnesses… we need to be more educated!!

WHO IS WITH ME?!

Anyway, I want to say… I am getting better! I’m a lot more calm and evened out now, so I’m getting there! It’s just down to me now 🙂

Jodie